“Is this what YouTube is now? Your tube?” “Could more people identify as craftsmen? As blacksmiths? Or professional bowlers?” “What are these, are these thoughts? Oh no! I didn’t mean to put these thoughts on the joke fire!

“We know about the birds and the bees, but then no one ever explains separately birds and bees.” “Imagine if when you had a zit on face and it, leaked it made more face. Like a face-cano.” “Is it just because he’s good looking and he’s talented so he’s...

“If you think we can make a good net to catch a dolphin, imagine how good a net a dolphin could make to catch a person.” “We do need to bring back the briefcase and the stopwatch. The briefcase is for when you have sand in your vagina and you need to c...

“Rabbit Hutch and Panic Hatch: Attorneys at Law” “The ice holes are melting and the c’s are rising!” “You can’t Judge Judy” “Burpees and poopies” “Fight, flight, or complain” “Shanghaied and Sea-addled” “M.

“Rocking out 24/7 till the break of dawn” “Asian does crack… on occASIAN” “You had to air out your Harry books” “A little loady, a little cocky, a little fiery” “Guys who look like they came out of MIB chasing dudes who look like they’re from 12 Monkey...

“What did you just sentence to me?” “That’s not low hangin fruit that’s like, the fruit is resting on the ground with a branch leading back to the tree.” “Your brain is dumb. Not only does it say dumb things, it sees dumb things.” Media

“Leapfrog’s gotta be gone. It makes people without legs feel guilty. For being gay.” “Shut your face sphincters!” “You will actually have to, you know, modulate all sphincters during any of these processes because you’re putting a lot of pressure – you...

“Bryan Cranston might be a shaved chimpanzee” “Chunkeos: Semi-solid chunks of fibrous chocolate” “Get the report off the wire from the stork out of the smoke signal.” “People say ‘One time per day’. How many times per day are there?

“Cameras pointed at empty chairs and deviled eggs” “I thank him for that reminder on this Valentine’s Day – that lovely thought – that Kanye West will too be dead in 100 years. That’s heartwarming.” “You’re getting incepted.

“My to-do list is to make a to-do list and I’m going to cross that off and go to sleep.” “I’m saying I’m a pretty big deal… behind the wheel.” “Don’t go too nuts. Go one nut.” “There are people who are out there just imagining Bert and Ernie savagely g...