No.  I don’t mean you need to call in the professionals. Have you ever noticed the difference between an amateur/hobbyist and a pro?  An amateur does something when they feel inspired.  Pros do it because its what needs to be done.

It may be an odd preoccupation, but I pour over the scuba accident reports.  I like to see how the accidents happened, what led to the accident, and how it might have been prevented. The same approach is taken to studying scuba accidents as is applied ...

Are you and your spouse addicted to blame?  Do you find yourself pointing your finger toward your spouse, sure that it is really your spouse’s fault (and is your spouse doing the same thing?)? Or maybe you are just blaming yourself.

Two phone calls the same day.  Both with the same question:  “What if I CAN’T save my marriage?”  One had been working at it for awhile.  The other hadn’t started (and was trying to decide whether to even start).

Do you find yourself fighting and fighting, but never making progress?  Maybe you even look back and make the painful discovery:  you are just repeating the same argument. If so, you aren’t using conflict to get anywhere.  You are just trying to win.

 tDo you know about “yo-yo dieting,” where people start a plan and lose weight, drop off the plan and gain it back, only to repeat that over and over? Did you know that each time that happens, it makes it harder to lose weight the next time?

I admit it.  The phone call got under my skin.  We were traveling and I answered the call.  The person asked if I was the “save the marriage guy.”  I told him I was.  He told me he didn’t want my System.  Just the secret, the “short-cut.

Do you find yourself and/or your spouse anchored to a problem by anxiety or anger?  Guess what? Anger and Anxiety — they come from the same space!  One is the inner, the other is the outer expression of fear/hurt/threat. And wow,

“We’re just not compatible” has been the start of many “we can’t stay together” discussions.  But is it true?  Is there an issue of compatibility? If you believe the many on-line dating profiles, that is the way you find your love:  compatibility.

You may just be on a fishing expedition, and not even realize it! If you are trying to get your spouse to respond, trying to get some feedback from your spouse, you are on a fishing expedition! You probably won’t attract what you want.