Hey kids, it’s your old buddy Mort Lawry. Spring time is in the air, and… Wait a god-damned second. Who wrote this? Spring is in the air? Summer is practically over, you fuckin’ numb skulls!  New copy what? New copy is on its way?

Ashtrays. Is there a size or shape they don’t come in?  Hmmm…you don’t see many rhombus trays at your local AshMart now do you?  Wrong.  Hi buddies, it’s good ol’ Mort Lawry here to let you in on a little secret…AshMart.

Have you ever been sitting in a comfortable chair, next to a beautiful ashtray, a pack of Tommy Bahamas cedar matches in your hand and thought to yourself, “What the fuck am I missing? Oh yeah…the cigar.”  Don’t let this happen to you. Hi friends,

Morty Lawry here to tell you that there is no better place to smoke a cigar than at a table that was designed and built for the sole purpose of pleasurably smoking a cigar. It’s handsome, stylish, and well-crafted. It lights up,

Hi there, friends, it’s your good buddy Mort Lawry here. I’ve got something for you to ponder. Do you remember quality? Take a moment and think. Do you remember it? You do. Don’t you? You can clearly remember a time before everything was a complete and...

Do you need an elegant place to rest and eventually snuff out that old cancer stick? Look no further than Battuto Art Deco Ashtrays. There are literally seven to choose from and no matter your choice, you will not be disappointed.

Whoaaaaaaaaa. That shit is beautiful, man. Hahahaha. Oh fuck…Mort Lawry here for Mellow Mushroom. Yeah, it’s the only mushroom for your buddy Mort. Damn…the colors, baby. It’s all like fuck…..and check out that EMR show…it’s soooooo gooooood and shiny....

This space is normally reserved for Mort Lawry’s ad copy. Mort is, apparently, on the lam. We believe it’s just a temporary thing. So, without sponsorship, this is EMR episode four-hundred-ninety-two. Enjoy!

Hey gang, Mort Lawry here to tell you about Pinky’s Pizza.  If you think that sign is the bee’s knees, just wait til you get a load of their piping hot waitress…errr…ummm…pizza. It’s the best fucking slice you will have, this side of heaven.

Hey, kiddies, it’s your old buddy Mort Lawry here. I took a month off for some Back To The Future nonsense, but I am back to tell you about the bomb-diggity-doo of Pizzas. Its Angelo’s Pizza Parlor. Yeah, sure the sign says family dining,