Season 3; Episode 4: The Shared Journey is Where the Richness Lies with Peter and Holly Gordon

Peter Gordon is the Chief Investment Officer and Head of Commercial Real Estate Debt for a large asset management firm. Holly Gordon is the Chief Impact Officer at Participant Media, overseeing the company’s social impact strategy and campaigns, furthering Participant’s mission to create storytelling that inspires positive social change. 

Key Takeaways from this Episode:

Words, Behavior & Connection

·       Label the conversation: Is this a vent session? Is it a decision-making session? Is it brainstorming? 

·       If it's vent session, ask the person venting: do you think that person meant to do what they did? If not, then rethink the complaint and change your approach. There's a lot that’s invisible in everyone's conversations.

·       Words set the stage and actions define it and you're defined by your actions, not by your words. We can float words out there, but at the end of the day, it's how we consistently behave that defines us. 

·       Stop and say, ‘What am I afraid of?’ I'm having a reaction to this conversation, and here's why: I'm afraid that this might happen… What makes us most agitated has some kind of fear around it. Fight or flight mode is about survival. If you can identify it, you can start to let it go, because it usually can be worked out. 

·       Walking meetings, even on the phone, is different than sitting across the table from each other or being on Zoom. When you're moving, it has a different kind of physiological effect, and it creates feelings of connection. 

Safety & Untangling the Toxic Workplace

·       The overlap between work and home life, can build on one another in a great way, or in a destructive way. In a safe workplace, some people open up and other people almost go backwards. 

·       Is there a component of their home life, that they haven't had that kind of autonomy and freedom of thought, and they're not sure what to do with it?

·       Don’t hide behind the phrase “toxic workplace.” Instead, you need to unpack the dynamics behind why you’re not happy in that workplace. Also reflect on your own contribution that you identify as areas for growth.

The Great Resignation

·       Reflect on which dynamics at work are difficult? Is it just one or two individuals? Is it a lack of shared values? 

·       It's a lot of work to decide to stay or quit. That's why people just stay out of exhaustion or quit and haven't really figured out why they quit or what they should be doing differently.

·       If you don't figure out why you are quitting, you can carry that baggage to the next place.

Situational Leadership

·       There's more than one type of leadership, there's a spectrum. Not one type of leadership works in isolation. You have to adapt. On one end of the spectrum is leadership that offers vision, guidance, and direction; the other end of the spectrum offers compassion and being in the journey with you.

·       Leaders need to recognize the spectrum and do what is necessary at the right time with the right person. Some perform at a much better level at one end of the spectrum than the other, but you need both. 

·       You need to earn my respect, so I will follow you, and I need to earn your respect every day so that you will follow me. People are trusting that leaders have their best interests at heart.

·       Leadership is better and more productive when less hierarchical. It's less about structure and more about how you deliver conversations and respect one another.

Advice to co-CEOs & co-Founders

·       Being a co-CEO or co-founder is a lot like a marriage. Reflect deeply on what you both imagined to be true and what you want to be true. What can begin as a slight difference becomes the Grand Canyon over time.

·       Any kind of co-leadership role demands trust, respect, loyalty, feeling valued, appreciated, etc. When you only have your own perspective, mediation (bringing in a third person) can help work through challenges and remind both people that they have the same shared goal, the health of their company.

Work & Home Life

·       The work that you do in your marriage, your personal relationships, and the way you apply that to your work, are connected. 

·       The old model of, “I shut the door and go home, and I'm a different person at home than I am at work” is dangerous. You should be the same person at both places. The person and the principles that guide you shouldn't change from one place to the other.

Finding your partner and equal

·       Deep trust, strong communication, independence with interdependence is critical to relationships. So is loyalty, respect, attention, and interest in your relationships, will achieve, over time, a kind of understanding.

·       Having different skillsets and looking at the world differently helped us recognize and appreciate that each person brings a different skill to the relationship.

·       Painful cycles are normal to any relationship. 

Resources

·       Unfinished Business by Anne-Marie Slaughter

·       Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler

·       How to tame your Advice Monster TEDx with Michael Bungay Stanier 

·       Girl Rising

To learn more about my work in executive coaching, leadership development and team effectiveness check out my website, connect with me on LinkedIn or email me at winnie@winnifred.org.  

Reach out and tell me what was helpful about today’s episode or any suggestions you have for my show.

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I look forward to sharing another transformative conversation with you next week!

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