Episode 10: The Stories We Tell Ourselves with Peter Axelson

Peter Axelson leads Garnet Consulting and has worked as an external consultant in training, coaching and organizational development for more than 35 years. Clients tell him that they bring him back because of his high standards for client service, his focus on behavioral change and business results and his very practical approach to helping people learn and grow. 

On this podcast, we’ve listened to a really interesting variety of leaders sharing their stories about a particular leadership challenge they’ve faced, how they’ve overcome that challenge and what drives them forward during times of change and adversity. 

The next two episodes of Transformative Leadership Conversations with Winnie da Silva are going to be a bit different. This next conversation will be divided into two episodes and they will also be the final episodes for Season One. 

I wanted to take this opportunity to take a look back, reflect and go a bit deeper on a few themes that have emerged from Season One. The first one is about stories and how the stories we have running in our heads can either propel us forward or get in the way of our success.

But before we get into unpacking the concept of stories and its impact on behavior and results, let’s look back on a few episodes where my guests pointed to the ways stories have impacted their leadership journey…

Dilip DaSilva the Founder and CEO of VDX.tv and Exponential sums up his experience of stories this way…

“I've realized that often the hurdles you personally have just things in your own mind.”

Nathan Knight the Director of People Development at Better explains how stories can mislead us…

“The other part was this myth I had created in my mind we tell ourselves stories to make sense of situations. And sometimes those stories are not productive.”

Sanjit Sethi the President of the Minneapolis College of Art & Design talks about reframing our stories…

“The goal is to take a disability or take what seems like a disability and reframe it as an asset.”

Mandy Pulliam the Chief Medical Officer at Renovia, Inc. gives a vivid example of rejecting someone else’s story about her…

“I wanted to apologize so many times during that surgery when he was making me feel bad, but I decided that I was only going to apologize if I had done something wrong.”

Key Takeaways from this Episode:

• 
  
• Our stories directly influence our behavior which drives results
  
• Stories fit into two categories: stories about me, stories about other people and stories about how things are
  
• When there is a result we’re not happy with (our performance, a relationship that’s gone sideways, a conflict within the organization) we need to look back on what behaviors have contributed to that result and from there what are the stories or beliefs we have that are driving those behaviors
  
• Ask opened ended questions to uncover the stories influencing our behaviors
  
• It boils down to self-awareness – you need to catch yourself in your stories as they happen
  
• To achieve a different result, our behaviors need to change and therefore we must adopt new stories
  
• Tap into curiosity to uncover your stories
  
• Stories are usually deeply unconscious and sometimes reflect what we have always fundamentally believed
  
• Assumptions and prejudices about people who are different from us can unconsciously shape our stories
  

To learn more about my work in executive coaching, leadership development and team effectiveness check out my website, connect with me on LinkedIn or email me at winnie@winnifred.org.

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