The Virtual Couch

The Virtual Couch

Spoiler Alert: “NO!” to the question “Is God Disappointed in Me?” — Author Kurt Francom’s New Book!

March 05, 2024

Tony Overbay, LMFT, welcomes Kurt Francom, the executive director and podcast host of Leading Saints ([Leading Saints]( Kurt's first book, "Is God Disappointed in Me: Removing Shame From the Gospel of Grace," is available on Amazon ([Amazon Link]( In a candid admission, Tony shares his emotionally immature reaction upon discovering Kurt's book through a third party, revealing the concocted narratives in his head about their relationship, with Kurt unknowingly cast as the villain. The revelation of Tony's oversight in missing a crucial recording sent by Kurt months earlier brings to light the miscommunication that unwittingly altered their friendship dynamic. Peace is restored Through their conversation, and their bond of best friendship is reaffirmed. The discussion then shifts to Kurt's book, delving into the intricate concepts of ego and identity. They explore the notion of a healthy ego, the pervasive quest for validation, and how living for an identity differs fundamentally from living from an identity that has been validated by divine grace.

Kurt highlights the identity paradox, suggesting that receiving grace allows us to extend it more freely. He references Carl Rogers, stating, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can begin to change." This acceptance is seen not as a form of apathy but as a mindful acknowledgment that paves the way for genuine personal transformation. Kurt deepens the conversation by asserting that recognizing our inherent validation from God enables us to cultivate a meaningful relationship with Him. This evolution occurs not because of our deeds but due to our intrinsic value and identity.

00:00 Introduction and Casual Banter

00:33 Discussing Kurt Francom's New Book

01:34 Exploring the Concept of Acceptance

02:20 Reflecting on Personal Experiences and Challenges

03:26 The Importance of Validation and Acceptance

04:59 Unpacking the Imposter Syndrome

06:25 The Role of Repentance in Personal Growth

08:13 Understanding the Impact of Misunderstanding God

10:00 The Power of Acceptance in Personal Transformation

12:06 The Journey of Repentance and Turning to God

13:42 Conclusion: The Power of Acceptance and Repentance

22:10 Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms and Their Impact

22:42 The Role of Validation in Our Lives

23:37 The Struggle for Acceptance and Validation

24:42 The Power of God's Love and Validation

25:31 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Differentiation

26:48 The Importance of Embracing Change and Growth

28:03 The Role of Ego in Our Personal Development

28:38 The Power of Grace and Forgiveness

29:40 The Struggle with Validation and Recognition

30:07 The Journey of Writing a Book

31:21 The Power of Curiosity and Openness in Learning

32:20 The Role of Identity in Our Spiritual Journey

34:16 The Importance of Acceptance and Self-Respect

35:35 The Power of Differentiation and Self-Awareness

37:46 The Struggle with Defensive Narcissism

39:42 The Power of Acceptance and Self-Validation

41:44 The Journey of Self-Reflection and Growth

43:14 The Power of Humility and Self-Acceptance

44:06 The Journey of Writing and Publishing a Book

45:17 The Power of Authenticity and Self-Expression

45:55 The Importance of Embracing Change and Uncertainty

46:46 The Power of Self-Acceptance and Self-Love

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25.

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast as well as Tony’s account 

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App.

Go to to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting And visit 

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here