Why does Scooter want a mattress w/ a sensor for philandering? Why does Matt want you to have a damp hammock and what is your Trump score?

Matt recently was in an altercation. With shrubbery. Scooter offers a helpful hint to the sedentary and Kate wants wine. Shocking.

A tisket, a tasket, what’s in Kate’s basket leads her down the road to iRuin, Scooter’s got jokey obits, and Matt tells a story of a real ASSoL. This one’s more fun than a fluffle or a grumble and it sounds better than a bum [...]

Kate’s got some info for us on Brozillian waxing, our pal Charley from Texas checks in, and Crazy Uncle Pat ridiculously explains why bad things happen to good people.

Tales of Matt’s recent grumpiness (old man yelling at clouds has nothing on this) and Scooter issues a rare apology.

Gluten-free Erin is hijacked and brought to LWKAM HQ. Thank goodness we are balanced in the gender department because Kate has a story about tampons in space AND a game show about beer and beavers.

Some weisenheimer was busted impersonating the Parma, OH police on social media but did anyone actually believe what he was posting? Also, Matt took a gaycation and watched Gaycation.

Matt is raging and can’t believe he only goes to restaurants on people’s cheat days. Kate is reading up on sex dreams.

Kate had an exhilarating adventure in the suburbs and Matt is fitting his bitch (and being a bitch).

If Weight Watchers was founded on April Fools’ Day, does that mean they aren’t serious about weight loss?