Many times, I found myself just playing referee in my office.  The sparring match began when the couple sat down, and didn’t stop until they left.

It seemed that all I could do was ring the bell and end a round.  “Be civil,” I would tell them.

Then, the gloves would come off and they were sparring again.

“Be civil,” I would tell them, more emphatically, but still in my best therapist’s voice.

And still, they would go after each other.

One day, a man turned to me and said, “Is that all you can say? ‘Be civil?'”  I looked at him, and in my most “therapy” therapist voice said, “That would be a really good place to start.”

Being civil IS a great place to start, an excellent place to continue, and a terrific foundation to any relationship.

Here is the irony:  on a daily basis, we are civil to many, many people — some we probably don’t even like!

And then, to the one most important person in our lives — our spouse — we let it fly!  Civility is out the window.

Let’s decide, together, that as a foundation, civility is a great starting point.

Here are 4 steps to bringing more civility into your marriage — regardless of the conflict level right now.