There are lots of mistakes people make in their efforts to save their marriage.   This particular mistake is what I consider to be the 3rd biggest.  I hear it in the questions people send me every single week. In fact, I hear this mistake probably 3 or more times each day.  And here is the sad thing:  the mistake is made with all the best of intentions. . . and all the worst of results. Like all mistakes, it is avoidable.  (If something is unavoidable, it can't be a mistake; a mistake always has an alternative that could avoid the mistake.) I am betting you have made this mistake.  (I have.)  My hope is that, once I point it out, it will be so obvious that you will not repeat it. RELATED RESOURCES: 3 Problems With Marital Therapy Avoid The 3 A's Separation:  Will It Help? Why Your Spouse Doesn't Believe You Will Change "I've Changed" and 3 Other Things NOT To Say Grab the Save The Marriage System