PHIL: In one relationship, I felt that sex created intimacy, but my partner needed intimacy to precede sex. (This is what programmers call the bootstrap problem, from the expression “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.

We value stability in our lives. Old houses and antiques appeal to us because they are tangible evidence that the world is consistent and safe, that things persist, that the world tomorrow will be the same as it is today.

PHIL: Is your relationship a town with safe streets, no-go areas and places you might stumble and get hurt? We don’t live there. We simply don’t clash on things. It is totally improbable that we make the same choices time and time again.

Critical to having a peaceful conflict-free relationship is an attitude we refer to as total acceptance. Understanding that the other person is a full and separate individual, with different ways of expressing themselves and unique preferences,

We just finished giving a workshop on transforming your relationships, and one of the areas we discussed was core values – what they are and what impact they have on our relationships. We were surprised to find out how many people had never really thou...

We’re busy preparing for today’s workshop, so here is a reprint of a much-loved blog. Have you felt completely accepted by someone in your life? Do you know how the experience of full acceptance changes you?

We were sitting around discussing what to write for this week’s blog. We usually look at what is happening in our relationship and draw from that. As we sat talking, we found that we kept drifting to the overall stress of the situation, the pandemic,

PHIL: It’s hard for me to know what I want and how I feel because I, like most people, conform to fit in. It’s how to be accepted, to be one of the group. It stems from when being ostracized by the tribe probably meant dying in the wilderness.

Amidst the pressures of global warming, political upheaval and Covid-19, relationships are more precious and more important than ever. Divisiveness seems to be at an all time high, making methods of finding mutual solutions and learning how to hear eac...

It’s been a crazy three months. A poll this week found that 80 percent of people thought that the country was out of control. We have been writing about personal relationships for years, drawing from our direct experience.