The Perimenopausal Mamas Podcast
Episode 89: Let’s Talk About Sex – In Conversation with Dr. Trina Read (previously released as Episode 23 on May 28, 2020)
Don’t feel like having sex? It's time to listen to this re-release of Dr. Toni's conversation with Dr. Trina Read, sexologist and CEO of the Business of Sex. They discuss the impact of perimenopause and stressful events (like a pandemic) on your sex life. This episode was originally released on May 28, 2020.
Dr. Trina has an unique perspective as a sex and relationship expert who has a corporate background in marketing and PR and who is also a perimenopausal mom.
In this episode, we cover:
* How to use self care to bring libido back* Why you need to know your happy triggers for sex* The importance of knowing what you want out of sex and communicating it* Why you might want to take intercourse and orgasm off the table for better sex* How to have those awkward conversations around sex* Why personal lubricant makes all sex better* The importance of working your pelvic floor muscles
In perimenopause and in stressful times, you may find your libido is flatlined and don’t feel like sex.
Your body can only produce either cortisol (your stress hormone) or testosterone (your sex drive hormone). If you’re producing cortisol, you can’t produce testosterone.
In situations with great change, it’s important to connect with your partner and look for ways to be together, so that you don’t drift apart. Being proactive and finding pockets of time to be close with your partner helps your relationship, as well as feeling more powerful yourself.
Ask yourself - what can I do to help myself feel more sensual?
You can back into the groove and bring your body back to a place where you feel more centred and sensual by:
* Taking a bath* Listening to your favourite music* Giving yourself some me time alone in your bedroom with a vibrator* Just making up your mind to connect with your partner (even if it feels forced at first)
The Centre for Menstrual Cycle and Ovulation Research (CeMCOR) was founded at the University of British Columbia (UBC) by endocrinologist Dr. Jerilynn Prior. There is lots of information about their research around menstruation and hormones at https://www.cemcor.ubc.ca/
UBC is also home to the Sexual Health Laboratory run by Dr. Lori Brotto that focuses on research around women’s sexual health. https://brottolab.med.ubc.ca/
Research shows that sexual desire is similar to happiness. For most women, in order to feel sexual desire, you needed to be triggered. You can learn positive triggers around sex and negative triggers around sex. You need to set up your positive triggers for sex.
Unfortunately, you may have been brainwashed to think that only 2 things available for sex is having intercourse and having an orgasm.
Sexual intercourse all the time can be a negative trigger for a lot of women, especially if you feel like it doesn’t quite do it for you.
When you can anticipate doing something that you want to experience, a happy trigger for sex can be created. Working on triggers for sexual desire and increasing your repertoire for sex are important for your sexuality to evolve.
Self care like meditation, yoga and tai chi lowers stress and cortisol and can increase your libido.
There are studies that prove that meditation improves your sex life!
Perimenopause is like reverse adolescence with wild ebbs and flows of estrogen and progesterone that can create mood swings, anxiety,