#125: How to Say No–Don’t Be a Doormat

November 27, 2022

If you feel like others ask too much of you, take advantage of you, or just don't respond in ways that you expect, today's episode "Don't be a doormat" will help you learn how to say "no."

This is episode 125. Welcome to the Mindset for Life Podcast. This podcast is for you, if you love, serve, teach and lead others. You want things to keep getting better. You want encouragement. And just one little idea today to get stronger in your life, your relationships or your work. I help people take control of their current situation, and have power to do what they need to do in the future as well. Welcome to the Mindset for Life podcast.

This is your host, Dr. Bethanie Hansen. And I'm on this journey with you every step of the way.

Thanks for being with me here today. I'm excited to be with you on the Mindset for Life podcast. I love podcasting, because we're talking about some ideas. And all of these ideas can fuel your life satisfaction and happiness.

Happiness, of course, is not something we can feel 100% of the time. It also depends on how you define your own personal happiness. But it's something most of us think we're pursuing in life, right? It's that state of being in a positive emotional space, being more successful than we have been in the past, continuing to grow, connect with other people. And all of those things.

The topic today is addressing a statement one of my coach clients said to me, and perhaps you've thought this in your own life at a time or another. And it is this statement: “I don't want to be a doormat.”

When my client said this, to me, there was a whole story behind it, which I'm not going to share, because that's the privacy my clients get from me. But that statement, “I don't want to be a doormat,” what does that mean to you?

Have you ever thought something like that? Well, when I think about that statement, I'm noticing a couple of things. First of all, when a person feels like a doormat, it means other people are expecting a lot or getting a lot from that person. Without Limits. It could also be a bit of disrespect or lack of appreciation that the person is getting. And it could be something about boundaries.

So if a person is feeling like a doormat, they're saying yes to a lot of things, and not really happy about that. Not satisfied with that.

If you're saying yes to a lot of things, and you wish you were not saying yes to a lot of things, or you wish you got a better payback when you say yes, like the appreciation and respect that you expect from other people, it's really helpful to be thinking about what you want to do in terms of getting what you want in situations in the circumstances, in the way you think and feel about yourself and in your relationships. So today, we're going to talk about how not to be a doormat.

If you've thought this ever, this episode is going to be for you, it's going to be very helpful to you in thinking differently about situations and in deciding what you're going to do next.

So the first thing I want to just approach is the “Gain” section of the framework I've been using with my coach clients. Gain is all about getting the skills and knowledge you lack. Now, if you feel like you just don't know how to navigate situations where you feel like a doormat, you don't know why it's happening to you, and you want something to change, it's possible that there are some skills and knowledge to be gained. That you can use in the future when these situations come back to you.

Probably, it's something that's repeated in your life or your work or both, if you're experiencing it, and it's so painful, right? When somebody feels like a doormat, we feel like we're being used. We feel like we're just not giving value because we're not being noticed. And yet we're working really hard to give that value, and to give things to people in our lives and our relationships and our work.

It's just super painful to feel on the deficit and other things,