"The one I thought you were gonna say is: she's the enemy." For years, Jay didn't just lie to me about his addiction. He lied to himself about WHO I was. And those lies kept him stuck in porn for decades. The 5 lies addicts believe about their wives: She's the enemy - Anyone who sees a crack in the mask must be stopped and hushed She's gonna leave anyway - So why bother trying? Might as well do whatever I want She doesn't care about me - I'm not that important to her (justification to use) She's too angry to handle the truth - When really, he feared rejection and being alone She won't meet my expectations - Unspoken demands that turn into resentment and reasons to look elsewhere The shocking part? Jay admits: "I am an abuser, and abusers dominate. And that's what I did." He made me easy to dominate. He sufficiently shut me up. He turned me from a mirror (reflecting his behavior) into a shield (protecting him from truth). Why this matters: These beliefs aren't about you - they're about attachment issues and fear Most addicts don't even know they believe these lies The goal was never sex - it was avoiding being truly known Without consistent boundaries, addicts will keep crossing lines For partners: If he sees you as the enemy for pointing out flaws, if he believes you'll leave no matter what, if he resents you for not meeting unspoken expectations - these are the lies keeping him stuck. For addicts: Your wife could have made recovery so much easier. But your false beliefs about her became your excuse to keep using. The truth? You should have taken your needs to God, not porn. What lie did your addict believe about you? Comment below. CHAPTERS 00:00 Cold Open: "She's the Enemy" 00:31 Intro: The Lies Addicts Tell Themselves 00:51 Belief #1: You're Gonna Leave Anyway 02:20 Belief #2: She's the Enemy 03:52 Did You See Me as Too Weak or Too Angry? 06:12 The Pride and Shame Paradox 08:33 Did You Need Me or Did I Need to Fix You? 10:18 Hot Take: I'm Sick of "Power Over" People 10:29 Were You Sure I'd Never Leave? 10:42 Mirror or Shield? (How He Shut Me Up) 11:47 TRUTH: I Am an Abuser - Addicts Dominate 12:03 Did Fear of Losing Me Compete With Certainty? 13:21 It's Not About You - It's Attachment Issues 14:05 My Rock or My Reason to Use Porn? 15:31 The Truth: Unspoken Expectations Breed Resentment 16:37 What Should My Role Have Been? 17:07 The Importance of Consistent Boundaries 18:41 Questions for Viewers -- To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ Guys to Schedule a Free Call with Jay - https://porniskillingme.com/schedule-a-free-intro-call/ To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww -- Who is This Channel For? If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking. #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice