When addicts first get caught, most expect their partner to just move on: “I'm sorry! I quit! let's never talk about this again!” But here's the brutal truth: that mindset destroys any chance of real healing. In this raw conversation, Jay reveals what he expected Lori to just get over shortly after D-Day, and why that expectation was completely backwards. We break down: • WHY ADDICTS RESIST talking about it • The SILENT TACTICS keep partners trapped • What "PROACTIVITY" actually means in recovery • Why betrayal trauma is like still being IN COMBAT • ONE THING that would have SPED UP our healing (both partners need to hear this) • Why this is NOT BIBLICAL or healthy For addicts: If you're frustrated, she's not "over it yet," this will show you what you're actually asking her to carry. (Hint: Trust isn't something you automatically deserve.) For partners: If anyone has told you to just forgive and move on, this validates why that advice is toxic. You're not being stubborn. You're in trauma. And he needs to understand what that really means. This is about what real repair looks like versus just getting back to ‘status quo.’ Because maintaining peace through silence isn't peace at all. Timestamps 00:00 Hook 00:39 Intro 01:42 How quickly did that mindset kick in for you? 04:00 Why does she keep talking about it? 06:52 Did you pressure me even silently to move on faster (or maybe not so silently)? 09:55 I didn't want to work hard. 10:45 What surprised you most about how long healing really takes? 11:35 What is the "lived out" definition of what you need? 13:58 How did learning about betrayal trauma change your expectation? 15:50 What did you need to unlearn about healing timelines to really show up for me? 18:01 What advice would you give to men who are frustrated that their wives aren't "over it" yet? 19:23 For our listeners: Did anyone tell you to "Just get over it?" 20:17 If you could go back to the beginning, what's one thing you would tell me about the pace of healing? 21:52 What Lori wished had happened. 23:36 Your silence may be costing you your peace. 24:58 Behind the Scenes -- We mentioned The Basics of Rebuilding Trust, buy it here: https://jayandloripyatt.gumroad.com/l/LzMJm To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ Guys to Schedule a Free Call with Jay - https://porniskillingme.com/schedule-a-free-intro-call/ To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww -- Who is This Channel For? If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking. #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice