A journal entry on becoming.
This is episode number 62, and I’m in quite a bit of a reflective space this morning. It’s the first week of September. Hello, listeners. Hello, new listeners. If you’re new, let me know. Send me a message, either on social media or write a comment in a post. I have seen the numbers of the podcast go up. That feels really yummy. Definitely lessons learned in consistency.
So, this morning, I was writing in my journal about becoming, and I’ve done episodes before on becoming, and this week, I celebrate 16 years of working for myself, and so I can’t help but reflect the woman that I’ve become and some of the past of the woman that I have been over the last 16 years, and even before that. I’m going to share with you a journal entry I wrote for myself, and see where that lands us. A journal entry on becoming.
This month, I celebrate 16 years of working for myself. How did this woman who grew up Baptist and wanting to be a stay at home wife and mom with 10 kids end up working for herself? Becoming, unfolding. I was so sure of so many things 20 years ago, and life took its twists and turns, and I rode them out. Becoming, part intention and part life living me the way it wanted to.
Is it nurture or nature? I breathe into that, and it just is. “Both/And” another theme that shows up in the range and permission of both/and allowing my becoming. I am both in love with this work and personal development, and I am weary from trying so hard to grow. Grow my life, grow my business. I am becoming a woman who doesn’t try so hard and still grows. I still have goals, 333 members in Soul-Full Success, million-dollar coach with a $700,000 net, and I am so not willing to push.
I am becoming a woman who might sort of be satisfied, even delighted, by the now, loving what is. Identity, becoming both and. As soon as I decide and head in any one direction with too much force, I start to feel the stirring of the personal development world. The striving of the personal development world, instead of the being of me.
I am becoming a woman who is learning to be at ease with herself. I am becoming deep breaths and unfolding instead of to-do list and pressure to perform. I’m becoming surrender and naps and enjoyment of the coaching, the sessions I have in the here and now, versus the striving to create more. I am becoming release of the doubt that screams in my head as I write this.
Honestly, you guys, there’s a part of me that believes if I surrender into the loving what is, I will evaporate. If I try less, I will evaporate. If I allow flow instead of push, strive, achieve. I live and work in a world that sells concrete results over nurturing of our being, and after 16 years, I know that nurturing my being is actually the path to creating my results. It just doesn’t sell so well in a Facebook ad.
Here today, I’m a woman who’s different. A picture was posted online this morning by one of my coaches, Rich Litvin. It was from 2013, when I was in a group called 4PC. I was in the first cohort of that as he began to build his coaching business, and in the picture, there are two people that have passed away. One in 2015, Raphael Bejarano, and one last week, Sean Stevenson.
And in the picture, there are people that I was once really close with that I am no longer close with. There are people that I was not close with at the time that I am now close with. There are friends that I still love dearly, we just aren’t in each other’s lives every day. And at the time, that group was so together often. We were together on calls almost weekly, and we were together four times a year in person, and it was such an expanding, such a … Both comfortable and uncomfortable space in my life.
It was one of the first times I really realized that who I surrounded myself wa...