What happens to us…. that causes us to bury our truth deep inside? 
How is it that along this way in life we let a little of our true selves go here…. and a little more there?
Our subconscious and nervous system are so dang effective at protecting us. When we feel unsafe or threatened… it’s automatic and unconscious to go into fight or flight. 
I live and breathe deep inner work and awareness. And a few years ago the perfect storm of coming out of a season of burn out combined with some experiences I had online – sent my deep subconscious into flight. 
I’m just now putting all the puzzle pieces together and realizing the way I responded to experiences I had tucked away some of my most sacred truths when my deep trauma fears of “doing it wrong” and needing to be liked were triggered in a series of online experiences.
In wanting to make a way for others, I made up that it wasn’t ok for me to be a spiritual, white woman in the online world – where my business lives. So I gave into my comfort zone and shied away from my zone of genius. I took on someone else’s story and I shut down my own. 
Even in this episode, as I come out of this shying away, I had moments of “I’m saying it all wrong.” But you know what, I said it the way I said it. And that’s alright. I can’t do it right or wrong, and neither can you. 
I’m sharing this episode, which started with the intention to record a meditation, even though I got emotional and probably didn’t do it “right.” (There IS still a meditation to soothe your nervous system at the end though).  
And I ask that as you listen, you begin to think if you have accidentally taken on the world’s views and hidden your true self.  I encourage you to see if its story is actually your story if it’s really you. 

 
 
Transcript: 
I was beginning to share the story of something that happened a couple of years ago, and I’m really just waking up and connecting the dots right now. I was starting out saying that I used to be really motivated by subconsciously motivated by people-pleasing, my fear of being rejected, needing everything fun, Enneagram Seven, everything needed to be good and positive.
Through my journey with Chris Zydel in art, and paying attention to politics, especially in the last four years, there’s no more depressing down of difficult emotions and feelings. As I have intentionally grown myself to be capable of not outsourcing difficult feelings, da, da, da. That’s one layer of the journey.
As I’m going through this, so there’s a couple of things going on simultaneously.  There’s this little girl named Allison Crow that in third grade, when she went to the Baptist school and everybody said, “You are going to hell. You are going to hell if you hadn’t been baptized,” I hadn’t been baptized in second grade, or third grade, or whatever grade it was, and I knew I wasn’t going to hell.
I knew from a very young age that I had this relationship with Spirit and that hell didn’t exist for me, or for anybody else. I was being taught at the time traditional Baptist values. I remember them preaching that shit to little kids in chapel. I was really shy and timid as a little kid. You all might not believe that, but I was really shy and timid. I went to this big scary man who, he was this really tall scary old man. I was terrified of him, and he was the one always saying we’re going to hell. I asked “Can I pray? Can I please say the prayer at the chapel?”
He said, “Yes.” So, it was so cute. Nobody told me this. No adult told me this, but as a little second or third grader, I remember praying like creating a prayer and writing this prayer in my mind, and practicing over and over and over again th...