Betrayal Trauma Recovery
My Husband is Lying to Me: Is This Emotional Abuse?
It doesn’t matter the extent of the lie.Anne Blythe, Founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
Often, women relate that one of the most painful and damaging aspects of emotional abuse are the unrelenting lies, manipulation, and gaslighting.
Lies told to cover up sexual acting-out such as infidelity, and pornography use.
Manipulation to deflect and protect other behaviors that they had promised to stop engaging in, or perhaps have never disclosed to the victim before at all.
Gaslighting, to keep the victim unsure of her reality and to protect his emotionally abusive and sexually perverse behaviors.
Lies and Manipulation Make Emotional Abuse Difficult to Identify
Tragically, lies and manipulation make emotional abuse even harder for women to identify.
The vortex of confusion that surrounds a relationship that is governed by an abuser's manipulation tactics leave victims severely handicapped in their abilities to recognize reality.
Emotional Abusers Use Lying and Manipulation to Keep Victims Confused
Many women report that they didn't realize that they were being abused for years, even decades.
Fierce advocate for victims of abuse, Kelly Vogler, suffered devastating emotional and psychological abuse for years, hidden carefully by the lies and manipulation of her abusive husband:
In my mind, I had always known abuse to be something that involved physical violence and that was not at play at all in my marriage. I never had any bruises or anything like that, so while I knew things weren't good and it was a very difficult relationship, I thought that’s all it was.Kelly Vogler, Advocate Against Abuse
Emotional Abusers Are Accountable For Their Behaviors
This was not just us going through a difficult time. I had it in my head that I was overly controlling and so he was feeling pressured and embarrassed and that’s why he would hide things because I was just too controlling or putting too much pressure on him. Kelly Vogler, Advocate Against Abuse
Tragically, many victims, in attempting to make sense out of a chaotic situation, blame themselves for his lies and other abusive behaviors. The responsibility lies completely with the abuser. He is fully accountable for his decisions to lie and manipulate.
Emotional Abuse, Including Lying, Is Never The Victim’s Fault