We leave things in many places for a variety of reasons. The questions we explored in our Kota this week were: what is being left, where is it, who is leaving it, and why? These ideas can help shed light on how we might build favourable conditions for the world we want to live in.

It started when I saw an ironing board on the pavement outside a house. “Who left that there?” I wondered to myself as I continued my walk to the shop. I imagined the conversation that led to this moment. “Let’s leave it there; the scrap metal collectors will take it”.

Those words kept bouncing around my head. It was a classic Kota prompt with many potential ways to explore it. So we opened up the hive mind, and it was fun to see what emerged.

Things get left in all kinds of strange places…

They sent a photo
Your parcel was delivered
That is not my door

A haiku about the keyboard I ordered: it was delivered. But where?

“I’ll leave it there; I’m sure it will find its way to the correct destination eventually”, I imagined the driver reasoning to themselves.

Why do people leave things where they do? Laziness, boredom, fear, forgetfulness, moving on, letting go, baiting, passing on, shame, paying forward, and handing over.

A Change of Mind

What prompts someone to leave their swede in the supermarket freezer? Were their hands too full, and something else came along? Did they suddenly decide they could live without it after all?

Social Situations

We say those words when we reach the end of a conversation, a relationship, and a meeting. It might come at the right time, an anchoring point when things make sense and feel clear. Or it might be crowbarred into the situation before we feel ready to finish.

Do we decide together to leave it there, or does one person have the power in the conversation? Is it a response to the signs of escalation, where if we don’t leave it there and walk away, it will become personal, and things will occur that we will later regret? We see these tipping points on social media. Some people can’t help themselves.

Have we reached an impasse? Maybe it’s time to walk away for now. Or is this a more definitive door to close behind us?

Did we give up on it? Maybe we regret how we left it, wishing we had done things differently.

Habit Formulation

When we want a new habit to stick, we can choose to leave whatever will simplify the desired outcome. For example, we could take the guitar out of its case, leave the journal on the bedside table, and fill the bowl with tasty-looking fruit (and put it where we will see it).

By leaving the right things in helpful places, we can create the conditions for change so that we are not relying on willpower to do the work.

Leave it There So You Remember Where It Is

Sometimes, leaving it in the right place can be a great reminder. On other occasions, we might leave it in an obscure place that doesn’t occur to us to look. Even if the idea makes perfect sense in the context and at the time of its conception, as the situation falls from view, so too might our ability to remember.

Making Peace With Leaving It There

How do you know when to say “enough is enough” and let go of the project, preparation, or product? What tells you it’s okay to leave it there? A decision made from an anchored emotional state. Trust your judgement and know that it’s good enough, even if you come back later (in a state of tiredness, panic, and worry) and say, “I need to tinker a bit more.”

When the inner critic arrives, we need ways to say, “Let’s leave it there for now; I’m not going to make any decisions until tomorrow.”

“Apology Accepted” (J. Raymond)

I owe myself an apology.
For all the times I promised to forgive myself,
only to bring it up again later.
For clipping the wings of my own dreams before
they even had a chance to take flight. For
thinking so little of myself
at the very moments I should have been
standing up for myself.
For the lies I swallowed
while starving for the truth.
For withholding from myself the same grace
and second chances
I so freely give others.
For allowing the world to convince me that my
heart was both too much and not enough.
For all the days wasted pretending to be
someone I hoped you would accept.
For not living my life more on my own terms, simply
because I was afraid of making a mistake.
For punishing myself for far too long.
For believing love was bloody and painful,
and that I didn’t deserve better.
For every time I looked in the mirror
and hated who I saw.
I could sit here listing every reason and way I
was wronged by others, but maybe more than
anything, I owe myself an apology for not valuing
this one, beautifully precious life of mine enough
to know I’m worthy of greatness, the very best of everything.
And for that,
I am sorry.

Letting it Be

Whisper words of wisdom; leave it there and let it be. What do we need to allow to fall from view as they were without elevating, escalating, or amplifying? What if this didn’t need to become a business? Maybe we don’t need to do this more often. Perhaps this was necessary for now, and that’s enough.

Conditions for a More Desirable World

Leave kernels of the world you want to live in for others to find. Messages, gifts, and interactions can leave a flavour of acceptance in the mouths of those we encounter. What do we want to leave in our wake for others to pick up and pass on?

Leave it There and Let Nature Take its Course

Sometimes, we can get in the way of the natural path—the pond where life will organically arrive on its own timeline, rhythm, and pacing. Once things are in place, we might learn to stop checking, stop interfering, and stop trying to control and micro-manage the situation—whatever that situation is. Another’s life, another’s choices, another’s path—they will follow in their own way.

Knowing When To Walk Away

These words are heavy when it’s time to call it a day and walk away. You realise that it’s not going to work in the way you hoped it might. Or perhaps the road ended sooner than you thought it would, but you’ve done everything possible.

Where the sunk cost fallacy has you clinging on to the thing that has cost so much money, time, and energy, these words bring you back to a place of power and choice. Take your knowledge of those costs out of the equation for a moment. They are but a story you’re telling yourself. Maybe the weight can be lifted, the door opened, and the option of leaving it and walking away is on the table.

Leaving it There When The Work Is Done

We all need to hear, feel, and embody these words occasionally. “That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.” The reassurance is that the time for working, striving, and stretching doesn’t last forever. Permission to be, to rest, and to know we’ve given ourselves to the moment and whatever the outcome, we are welcomed home, accepted, and valued. Not for what we did but for how what we did reflected who we are.

Kota Conversation Replay

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