On the 17th day of Pitts-mas, Juliette Lewis, once again, gave me a gift:KaliforniaOk so we got scumbag Pitt killing people for reasons (not good ones), his captive childbride Juliette Lewis, dipsh*t David Duchovney as a writer trying to cobble togeth

On the 16th day of Pitts-mas, peepaw gave to me A River Runs Through It Hey, look, it's charming, young Pitt in a real role that shows you the superstar he'll become. He likes fishing. He's so good at fishing, his older brother says he's an artist. At

On the fifteenth day of Pitts-mas, the garbage man gave this trash to me:Cool World.I remember ads for this in comics when I was little. I rented it way too young. I only really remember it being boring. Is it still boring? Yes. And horny. So, so horn

On the fourteenth day of Pitts-mas, my barber gave to me: JOHNNY SUEDETom Dicillo's first movie! Brad Pitt's the lead! His hair is GIANT. He's a dumb jerk who has a very high opinion of himself and his bad music. He lives in a wildly gross apartment, bu

On the 13th day of Pitts-mas, two super rad women gave to me: THELMA AND LOUISE Two cool ladies go on a fishing trip. They do not make it to the lake. One of them keeps making really bad decisions, despite the other one being like "don't do that." And

On the 12th day of Pitts-mas, Ricky Schroeder ruined my life with a pair of nunchucks (nunchucked my butthole in a fight and it fell out). Across the Tracks! Brad Pitt runs real good. Ricky Schroeder just gets out of Julie. They are brothers. Ricky li

Did you know Brad Pitt was in a thrash/boy band called 2young2die? Jk, on the 11th day of Pitts-mas, Juliette Lewis gave to me: Too Young To Die? This poor kid. She's 14. She suffers through constant trigger warnings (should we do trigger warnings for

On the 10th day of Pitts-mas, Albert Finney gave to me: The Image. John Mahoney. Albert Finney. Kathy Baker. A newsman reports the news wrong and a guy suicides. Can he make it right? Maybe, if Swoosie Kurtz gets out of his way! Also, Brad Pitt. I h

On the ninth day of Pitts-mas, a small child with spider legs gave to me, HAPPY TOGETHER Patrick Dempsey, before his McDreamy days, when he was a dork heartthrob of the the 80s, made this early 90s rom-com with Billie Jean herself, Helen Slater. He'

On the eighth day of Pitts-mas, a killer gave to me, a slasher movie. Cutting Class. I've seen this one before! I completely misremembered who the killer was. Donovan Leitch gets out of the mental institution for killing his dad and returns to school.