“Your beliefs govern your reality.”

In this episode, Nick speaks with Damon Cart, an NLP teacher and coach, about the transformative power of self-concept coaching. Damon shares his personal journey through depression, the importance of understanding one’s values, and the pitfalls of self-worth.

What to listen for:

• Understanding your values changes how you approach achievement
• Self-worth is a flawed concept; it’s better to focus on values instead
• Taking action is crucial for gaining clarity on what truly matters
• Failure can lead to unexpected success

“It has everything to do with your beliefs… Most people don’t believe they are the value that they’re seeking.”

• When you don’t see your own value, you’ll constantly search for it outside yourself
• Confidence and self-esteem are built internally, not earned through achievements
• Changing your beliefs about who you are opens the door to the life you actually want

“If you’re adamant about being a happy and fulfilled person and you’re willing to work for it, you will get there.”

• You’re never permanently stuck unless you stop moving toward what you want
• Working on yourself is an investment that pays off in how you experience life
• Happiness grows when you treat it like a priority, not a side quest

About Damon Cart

Damon is a world-leading expert in creating lasting internal transformations using the Self-Concept model™. As a master NLP practitioner and co-founder of The Self-Concept Research Group, he transformed his own life from a struggling insurance agent to a globally recognized authority in personal development. Mentored by NLP pioneer Steve Andreas, he has spent nearly eight years helping thousands achieve identity-level change. Based in Santa Cruz, California, Damon combines deep theory with practical application to make transformation effortless and permanent.

• https://selfconcept.com/
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/damon-cart-aa79b122/
• https://www.instagram.com/damoncart

Resources:

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Click Here To View The Episode Transcript

Nick McGowan (00:01.436)
Hello and welcome to the Mindset and Self Mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. Today on the show we have Damon Cart. Damon, how you doing today?

Damon Cart (00:11.266)
Good. How are you?

Nick McGowan (00:12.828)
I’m good, man, I’m excited. As I told you, this is the first episode of Brand New Office. So if people watch the video and I’m looking around, it’s other stuff in the office. I’m excited that you’re here, man. We were just shooting the breeze a bit before we got started and I’m excited to get into things. So why don’t you kick us off? Tell us what you do for a living and what’s one thing most people don’t know about you that’s maybe a little odd or bizarre.

Damon Cart (00:23.182)
you

Damon Cart (00:35.694)
Hmm. Well, I teach NLP and I coach it as well. I do one-on-one coaching and not just NLP. I focus on a specific model called the self concept model. And it was a model that was taught to me by my mentor, Steve Andreas. He created it. And it is a model that models our identity, how we create our sense of self and how to transform that. Most people are not living the life that they would want to be living. And that’s rooted in them not being the person they want to be.

And we think that we have to go conquer mountains or defeat dragons until we’re worthy of that. And that’s just not true. It has everything to do with your beliefs and how you organize that information into those beliefs and what in fact you believe about yourself. And most people don’t believe they are the value that they’re seeking. And as a result of that, they experience lower self-esteem, lower confidence and overall just lack of fulfillment.

And we can transform that and sometimes as simple as one hour session just by transforming beliefs, restructuring that information. So instead of taking years of willpower and discipline and all of those things, it’s really in how you think about it. And there’s an exact organization to that. And once you understand it, then you can change it. And something about me that is, I don’t know if I’m, I don’t know, I feel like I’m a pretty open book about things, about myself.

And I don’t know of anything that I would call bizarre. would say something that probably not a lot of people know about me, unless you really know me very well, is that I’m a rather emotional person. And that can be anything. That can be anger. That can be watching a movie and, you know, feeling emotional because of it, because it’s sad or it’s a great love story or something like that. I tend to be very emotional and be

The older I’ve gotten, the more comfortable I am with just being emotional and vulnerable in front of people. But I don’t really show that in my videos. In my persona online, it’s just not, I don’t think it’s really relevant. And it’s not that I’m ashamed of it. It’s just, I don’t see the value in doing that. I’m a teacher and it’s for me, it’s about getting the information out there.

Nick McGowan (02:51.884)
Interesting. I want to go down that path a little bit because I am emotional. If you watched any videos, you can see some of the emotions come out. There are often times I’ll blame, I’m from Philly, so I’ll just blame the Northeast. I’m like, it’s because of Philly. Like, yeah, yeah. And that’s what everybody thinks about Philly people anyway. They’re crazy or they’re loud. It’s like partially, but some of that’s also generational trauma and they don’t really know how to handle it. And

Damon Cart (03:03.854)
Why not?

Nick McGowan (03:16.787)
It’s interesting because also as we get older like you can watch a commercial and you get over 40 and you start crying and you’re like I don’t know why like what the fuck was that what a good 12 second clip of something but it’s interesting that you put that to the side when you make your videos and it sounds really conscious like you’re like I’m not gonna allow myself to be not vulnerable but emotional because you don’t want it to block the message is that about right?

Damon Cart (03:43.691)
You know, got a comment on one of my videos recently and that one of the live streams I did was very academic. And I was like, well, like as opposed to what, how do you, because they’re, and you’ll hear people throw this word around when it comes to NLP teachers. like, this person’s very academic. And to me, that means like more theory-based and not experiential, but NLP is very experiential. So I was just like, well, you know, how do,

Nick McGowan (04:03.638)
Mm-hmm.

Damon Cart (04:09.358)
As opposed to what I’m giving you the steps of a process that you have to go and do and experience and he was like no No, not like that. You should put your personality into your videos more and he referenced a podcast and I went and looked at the podcast and it was one of those kind like bro podcasts where It was a young man and he’s you know, kind of putting a little bit of arrogance out there No judgment on him. Like this is what plays this is what sells and So I haven’t responded to the person yet, but on my video, but basically it comes down to this I

I don’t see myself as the brand of what I’m doing. The information that I’m getting out there is the star of the show, not me. And there have been times where I put my personal life on there. I’ve done vlogs and things like that. And you will see me get emotional in those. But I’ve never found it to be like why people are coming to my videos. And if my personality overshadows what I’m teaching, which is you see this in like Tony Robbins, you know, and

Nick McGowan (04:46.008)
Mm.

Nick McGowan (05:06.915)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (05:06.926)
Then I feel like I’m not doing my job. I feel like I’ve the message and what I’m teaching is the most important thing, not who I am. I don’t want my, if I get emotional about something, I don’t want that to hijack the video. I want the information I’m teaching to be the thing that people are coming for and that they’re getting it.

Nick McGowan (05:20.653)
Yeah.

Nick McGowan (05:26.553)
That makes total sense. And I guess to people that don’t know that, they’re just going to interpret how they’re going to interpret because we are people and we’ll interpret things how we want and make up a story and go, here’s what it is. But that’s a great way to put it. You’re stewarding it. You’re basically just letting it come through you and kind of work through you. Do you feel like some of it is also channeled in that sort of way specifically? Or are you just saying, I’ve learned this information. I want to package it in the right way so you can get the information and

Damon Cart (05:38.466)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (05:41.826)
Yes.

Nick McGowan (05:56.342)
Never mind how I feel about

Damon Cart (05:58.735)
So definitely yes to the second part, when you say channel, what do mean by channel?

Nick McGowan (06:04.412)
There are certain people that channel information from a higher level, from God or from the universe or whatever, and they feel that comes through them. It’s almost like how creatives or artists can say, I don’t really know where that came from, but it just came out of me and it was kind of channeled through. And I’ve seen different people and I’ve talked to different people that are like, I don’t let my vessel really, or like the being get in the way because it’s being channeled through.

And it sounds like you’re taking more of the conscious approach of like the information is the information. So take the information and me being yelly or emotional about it or whatever is not going to do you a bit of good. Here’s the information. But it also sounds like that person who’s like, I want I want you to be emotional because they probably are, you know.

Damon Cart (06:46.668)
Yeah, and yeah, so I’ve had those moments on, because I like to do live streams. So yeah, I’ve had those moments where I felt like, yeah, I was just channeling. But majority of it is, I’ve felt this my entire life. If I was struggling to solve a problem and I solve that problem, I know that there are other people who are trying to solve that problem and they’re really frustrated. And I know what that frustration feels like. So I just want to go to them and say, here’s the key or here’s.

Here’s the information you need so that you don’t need to struggle with this anymore. And I feel like that’s really my job. My channel started with one of the things I realized very quickly when I was going to like one NLP training after another, especially getting into more and more advanced NLP trainings that I was attending, not teaching, was how many people didn’t actually know basic NLP. And it was like, okay, they’re spending thousands of dollars learning all this. And it is true. Like you just don’t really get a lot of practice in NLP trainings because that would make

Nick McGowan (07:34.966)
Mm.

Damon Cart (07:43.299)
the training’s extremely long and that wouldn’t be very competitive in the market. So people aren’t really practicing and then they hand you a certificate and say, now you’re certified. And it’s like that is completely meaningless. You have to go and practice it. And so what I was doing is I was practicing every single day on myself. was practicing, I had a practice group and I would practice with them once a week and had a practice partner who I practiced with once a week. And I was practicing on people and they didn’t even realize it. I was just making the world my NLP classroom.

Nick McGowan (07:44.983)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (08:11.054)
So I was understanding NLP rapidly. And a lot of this, was not getting the help of a teacher or a mentor up until I met my mentor, Steve Andreas. And so I started my YouTube channel being that the whole point of it was I’m going to teach people what they should have learned in their NLP training. And actually to this day, when I’m going, when I’m speaking at conferences, actually when I’m shoulder to shoulder speaking with other people who are presenting at these conferences, they will come to me and say,

When I was taking my NLP training, I didn’t understand what I was learning and I had to turn to your videos because your videos were the videos that actually taught me what I was supposed to know. And so I get this compliment to this day, which is a huge compliment because that’s exactly what I was set out to do in the beginning. So yeah, I’ve always, the spotlight has always been the information that I’m teaching, not me.

Nick McGowan (08:46.155)
Nice.

Nick McGowan (08:59.383)
And it sounds like with everything you’re saying, you’ve just solidified it more and more and more. Like if they were like, you know, it’s a little dry, you would probably open up a little bit in that sort of way. But the fact that you keep getting like, this is what you set out to do and this is what it’s about. That’s awesome, man. And again, I think people are gonna interpret how they want. Like I wanna hear more emotions.

Damon Cart (09:17.378)
Yeah, and I do share, I’m happy to share like one of the reasons why I’ve had a lot of people come to me for coaching is they would say like, you know, I heard some of what you were saying and it didn’t really speak to me, but when you talked about your depressions or you talked about your divorce and things like that. that is something that I think it helps feed what I’m trying to do here. When I, when I don’t pretend like I’m this perfect person, I think when people are trying to really build a personality brand, that’s what they’re doing.

Nick McGowan (09:30.69)
yeah.

Damon Cart (09:45.133)
And there are people who want to follow that. want to believe that there are these sort of like higher than human people that they can follow. I just, that defeats the whole point. So yeah, I want people to know that I’ve worked through problems. I’ve worked through depression. I’ve had a divorce. I’ve had to deal with, you know, trying to maintain relationships with my kids.

Nick McGowan (09:45.216)
Yeah.

Nick McGowan (09:55.851)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (10:06.222)
you know, in these tough times of going through a divorce and moving out of the home, you know. So I do talk about these things because I want people to understand that I’m not just like coming from a place of like, had this all figured out from the beginning. It’s like, what I’m giving you is things that, problems that I’ve solved, things that I had to figure out for myself. that’s how I know that it works. And so now I’m giving it to you. So you don’t have to stay in that frustration.

Nick McGowan (10:18.443)
haha

Nick McGowan (10:31.273)
Wait, so there aren’t perfect people on the planet? Like there’s not somebody wandering around? Like all these people on social media?

Damon Cart (10:36.426)
you would be amazed you would be amazed at how people really buy into that stuff and i just like yeah

Nick McGowan (10:41.716)
my God, well they want to, you know? Like they really want that. And I can understand like really wanting that, but it’s like self-awareness. Like once you see it, like you can’t not see things. So if you’re like, I want this, why would I want this? Well, you know, and then you kind of work through your stuff. But big thing you’re saying with this is context. Like setting the stage, giving some context to it. Like if you just talked about all these things and you’re like, went through a divorce, but I’m totally good. And like everything’s totally fine. And like everything’s all right.

for the people that are out there that would just be like, cool, see, he’s totally good. Like you’re actually hurting those people at that point. And it’s interesting, cause I think there’s a lot of like, there’s a lot of hurt that’s being given out from coaches because they’re not actually working through this stuff that they’re working through. You told me before we even got started, like you were doing the work and kind of almost tripped into this because it made sense to do it when it made sense instead of like where I think

2020 and the whole COVID thing is an easy thing to look back to because a lot of people were like, well, what the fuck do I do now? I guess I become a coach for what? I don’t fucking know. But I guess I’ll do it because I see these other people doing it and like, why the fuck not? And at that point, they’re just like spewing things. I kind of tripped backwards into coaching because I went through a divorce and I had friends that were like, man, you helped me. Can you help a buddy of mine who’s also going through shit? Can you help somebody else? And it’s like

Damon Cart (11:46.635)
Yeah.

Nick McGowan (12:05.334)
Yeah, but I need to do so much more work because the more that you learn, the more you understand. Like there’s more to know about it. And likewise, I’m sure with the NLP stuff, like as you started to go into it, I’m sure you got three weeks, three months, three years into it. You’re like, oh my God, there’s so much that I’ve learned from it that you’re then able to turn around. And it sounds like you’ve got a good, I guess mindset, a sense of like, I’m going to help. I want to deliver the information instead of like pushing it upon people. But why don’t we take a little bit of a step back.

How the hell did you get here? I know a little bit of the story, but why don’t you share that? Because again, context is important.

Damon Cart (12:40.153)
Yeah, so I became, well, I had my first depression right after I graduated college and it was, 9-11 happened. It was the first time I was out of school in my entire life. I guess I started going to school like at three and now I’m like 22 and I’m out of school for the first time and just, you know, facing that the rest of your life. Like, what do I do now?

Nick McGowan (13:06.409)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (13:06.734)
Yeah, 9-11 happened, which really shook me up because you feel like you’re living, you don’t even question your safety and suddenly something like that happens. And then I got arrested for something really stupid. And it’s really stupid to the point where it’s like, I mean, if you want to get into it, I don’t mind talking about it, but it’s not, I don’t know, I don’t find it that relevant. anyway, those three things happened in one summer. And I just was like, I don’t even feel like walking out my front door. It just feels dangerous. Like, who knows what can happen?

Nick McGowan (13:22.1)
I’m down.

Nick McGowan (13:26.206)
Fair enough.

Damon Cart (13:35.047)
And I gradually just kind of like pulled in more and more and didn’t process the feelings, the negative feelings that I was experiencing. And I just suddenly I realized I’m in a really bad place. And I’ve actually been in this place for months now. And I don’t know how to get myself out of it. And I remembered that I had a professor who taught a class called the philosophy of psychology. And he went through different therapeutic modalities, including hypnosis and gestalt therapy, which NLP is based on. And then at the end, he

Nick McGowan (13:57.267)
Mm.

Damon Cart (14:04.856)
pulled out NLP and he said like, this is the mother of them all, because it takes the best of everything that whatever works. And I was just amazed by what this guy could do. And I was, I remember thinking to myself, I got to learn this NLP thing one day. So that was in college and then I was graduated. Now I’m experiencing depression. I don’t have health insurance. I’m a bartender. And so I can’t, I don’t even have the money to hire a therapist.

Nick McGowan (14:16.2)
Mm.

Damon Cart (14:27.502)
So I remembered my professor and I called him up and told him what was going on and he said, well, come into my office. He said, I don’t believe in a free service, but I also don’t need your money. So he said, donate your time every time you come to see me to charity or money or whatever. And he’s like, I’m not going to check back with you. I’m just going to trust that you do it. Come back next week and we’ll get to work. I come back next week and in one hour session, months of depression is gone. And I just, my logical mind said, no, no.

Nick McGowan (14:45.971)
That’s cool.

Damon Cart (14:57.056)
No, cannot even be possible. But every other part of me was just like, I’m free, like I’m not depressed anymore. And I remember leaving his office and just like I had to stop and sit at a bench on the campus and was just like looking around. like, I walked in there a different person. I walked in there depressed and I’m walking out and there is no depression. just didn’t, it seemed crazy. And so I didn’t get depressed for another 10 years. And when I finally got depressed again, it had nothing to do with what I had gotten depressed with the first time.

Nick McGowan (14:58.13)
Hehehehe

Nick McGowan (15:19.816)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (15:26.926)
But I can say now, knowing NLP, that it was a way that I would think about things. Depression is a process, not like a thing. So, you know, 10 years later, now I’m living in Santa Cruz, California. I have an insurance agency. I’m married and I have two really young kids, like two kids under two years old. And everything is going wrong. And so I slip into a depression again and then even realize it. My wife at the time, ex-wife now, she’s a therapist and she just said, you need help. And I remember

Part of me was like well, no, don’t and then I just stopped and I was like, yeah, actually I do I’m not good. And so I found a therapist and this was traditional therapy So I went to traditional psychotherapy and it took me an entire year to come out of depression So we’re talking one session with somebody who knew NLP versus an entire year with someone who’s doing more traditional therapy And when I started to realize even though I was out of that depression I was thinking maybe I can make some progress and some advances here

But no, he only knew how to get, this therapist only knew how to get you out of the hole. And then once you were there, then he kind of like kept you there by asking more and more about problems rather than trying to move you to solutions. And I was like, okay, this isn’t working for me anymore. And so I stopped going to see him, but I knew if I didn’t do something different, I was going to end up right back there again. And that’s when I decided it’s time to learn NLP. And there was a training that might still happen here in Santa Cruz where NLP was created up at the university every summer.

Nick McGowan (16:31.538)
Mm.

Damon Cart (16:56.52)
And so I went to that training and it just felt like I came home. I was like, this is what I’ve been looking for. And I wasn’t even thinking that I was going to be a teacher or a coach at that point. I was still thinking I’m going to fix my insurance agency and I’m going to fix my marriage and everything’s going to be great. And I just couldn’t stop doing NLP. I would just try to get into a training every chance that I could. Like I mentioned before, I was practicing all the time. And by the time I came back a year later,

Nick McGowan (17:00.627)
Hmm.

Damon Cart (17:22.79)
About 75 % of the people who were there the year before returned for the, it was a master practitioner training. And they just kept coming up to me and they were like, why are you so much better than us? And I was like, I don’t know. said, so I started asking them questions and they were like, you we went, we got the same certification you did. So we, you know, we should be at the same level as you. And I was like, did you practice? Have you practiced at all since the last training a year ago? And they were all no.

Nick McGowan (17:28.528)
Well.

Damon Cart (17:51.343)
I was like, it’s not a secret. If you don’t practice, you’re not going to get good at it. And that’s why I’m better than you is I’m not, I don’t have any special talents. just practice. And, uh, so, and that’s when people started saying, uh, and then when I go to other NLP trainings, people would be like, well, how long have you been a coach or how long have you been a teacher? And I was like, I’m not, I’m an insurance agent. And they were like, what are you doing here? Cause mostly coaches and you know, teachers go to these trainings. And, uh, so yeah, by that point, after a year had passed, I was like, yes, I’m going to.

Nick McGowan (17:53.212)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (18:20.216)
I’m coaching, I’m gonna do teaching. And even still, was more about I wanted to be better at NLP and that was was driving me to wanna do that. So I started just teaching workshops and when that didn’t go very far, that’s when I decided to get on YouTube. A friend of mine actually said, hey, you’ve been to film school, why don’t you try YouTube? And so like, okay, I’ll give that a shot and I did. And yeah, I realized in that whole process that my marriage was not salvageable. was…

just, you know, we hit that inroads and it was nothing that was going to make it better. And I also realized that being an insurance agent was making me absolutely miserable and there was no changing that. So it was like, you know, it’s not, I always thought that it was something about me not being good enough. And that’s why I wasn’t succeeding at the insurance business, but it was like, no, it’s just not a good fit. The crazy thing about it, once I realized that, and I realized that it was just going to use the business to keep me afloat until I transferred into this other business.

I actually was able to make it successful at that point. was really strange. It’s like when, you know, this thing you’re trying so hard to do and then you finally say, fuck it, I don’t care anymore. Then it, you know, then it was easy. And then it was like, I want to say it easy, but it was, it was working a lot better. And so I was just basically, I moved my office in with another agent. said, can you babysit this while I transition out of this? And he said, yeah, absolutely. And so I was, you know, it took me a few years to kind of figure out this new business. But once I did, I was, I jumped and haven’t looked back since.

Nick McGowan (19:20.817)
the

Yeah.

Nick McGowan (19:46.162)
I love all that and especially the I mean the real side of it like I joked like yeah You were overnight success took nine years like the amount of stuff that people see that they think like this is Whatever they make it up to be in their own heads and the fact that you were doing the work I mean there are little principles that are through all of this stuff where it’s like You did it in the sense that you just wanted to learn it and you were you even said to me that it was your calling

When we feel that and we go in that direction, things will start to get easier, even if it’s the other stuff of like, I need to get this away. And I don’t know the answer to this question, but is it safe to assume that you’re living a better life and more happy life than you did when you had the agency, when you were married, at least to her and like where things are now, is it better?

Damon Cart (20:33.742)
100 times over. Especially thinking back during the times that I was depressed and I was just like, I guess this is just kind of how life is going to be for the rest of it. And that was depressing to even think about. And that’s what I like to tell people because when I come across someone who’s either depressed or kind of close to that.

I want to be respectful. You don’t want to just say, your life is so much better than you. That will make it worse. what I do want to communicate to them is it will get better. It can get better. If you’re adamant about being a happy and fulfilled person and you’re willing to work for it, you will get there. You’re not stuck. This is not how the rest of your life has to be.

Nick McGowan (21:02.095)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (21:25.708)
Because yeah, like at this point, it’s like it has exceeded the fulfillment I experienced now has exceeded what I thought was even possible. And still it’s getting more and more fulfilling. So my take on it now is just like, well, how, how good can this get? How deep can I take this? And it’s not like a, it’s not like a greedy thing. It’s more of like a potential thing. What potential do I have to be even more fulfilled and

Nick McGowan (21:43.877)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (21:52.844)
more engaged in life and I’m curious to see how far I can take that.

Nick McGowan (21:58.124)
What a cool aspect of it. Like, well, fuck, let’s see what happens. And like, cool, let’s see how far we can go. And I think to call something out here too, for the people that are listening, isn’t, Damon’s not saying like, well, I was in a shitty spot. I learned this thing and everything worked better. Like that’s just not how life works. Like the amount of work that you had to put in that wasn’t just like curriculum work, but also work on your own. if you…

Damon Cart (22:01.698)
Yeah.

Nick McGowan (22:26.232)
If you actually sat back and thought about the amount of hours that you spent just even pondering on it, thinking about it, looking at other people, how they relate to life and what they do. Like you literally enveloped yourself in it instead of saying, well, I really want that. And the reason why I say that is there are people that I hear from the times that are like, man, I’ve tried therapy. I’ve tried this. I’ve tried that. It’s like, great. So what’s next? I’m like, if that didn’t work or if that was a piece of it, like talk therapy, everybody will go into talk therapy and they’re like,

This was great and it led me in some direction or it was bullshit and I just yammered to somebody about my problems and they were, they would ask me, how does that make you feel or whatever? It’s like, that’s a part of all of this, but not just the end thing. I think a lot of people do want, they just want that like, what’s the pill that I can swallow and like push all this stuff away instead of trying to break down one barrier to break down another, to break down another, like they’re.

There are visuals in my head at times where I’ll climb a mountain only to get to the top of it and go, what the fuck is that? Jeez, it’s another, all right, cool. And you get to a point where you just, you keep trucking along with it. So let’s talk about some of the really tough times where obviously going through a divorce can be a tough time. And for somebody who’s a divorced, it’s one of those things like congratulations or I’m sorry, or a mixture of both, you know? But that can be one of those things that really shapes you in a beautiful way. Like I used to tell people,

Damon Cart (23:44.2)
All right.

Nick McGowan (23:51.65)
I didn’t get a divorce to die. I got a divorce so I could live and actually change things. like, I look at life now and think, my God, how did I have that same sort of question that you did of like, well, is this it? I guess this is it. So I guess this is just what life is gonna be like. And it doesn’t have to be that way, but there were still dark times he went through. So were there any that come to mind that you were like, man, that was one of those like super pivotal moments?

Like I went through that within my NLP journey and that changed how things shifted.

Damon Cart (24:23.212)
Yeah, there were a few. When I got a divorce, I was dating for the first time in 15 years. And in my late 30s, that was scary. Things had changed quite a bit. Now there was online dating, and I tried that. And that didn’t go so well, because on these apps, it’s like 70 % men and 30 % women. So the odds are really stacked against you. So I also had my own business, so I wasn’t going to date my employees nor my

insurance clients. so I started saying, realizing that I needed, if I saw an attractive woman, I was going to have to go and just talk to her, you know, and that was really difficult to do. And also wanted that choice because I was kept slipping in the relationships, even some of the rebound relationships that I went through, kept slipping in the relationships where the women would turn out to be very passive aggressive and playing a lot of games and really trying to control and manipulate me. And I remember coming to like a choice point thinking, wait,

Nick McGowan (25:16.247)
Mm.

Damon Cart (25:23.126)
Is this all women are all women like this or is this just the women I’m attracting? And so I had to be really like honest with myself and I was like, you know what? I’m going to take this on. This is my responsibility. I know that there are good women out there. And so there’s something I’m doing that’s attracting this type of woman. And I want to figure out what that is. And so I just decided I was going to just date and date and date for an entire year. And at the end of that year, if I found someone that I was going to settle down with them.

And I did find someone and it was coming up to that year and then the red flag went up and I saw she was doing the same thing. And I was like, oh man, I spent a year doing this and I almost missed it again, almost got slipped into this relationship with this person who was basically going to, it was going to be a rerun of all my relationships. And so was like, I need another year. And so I went another year and I dated a lot. could catch these red flags very quickly.

Nick McGowan (26:01.954)
Hmm.

Damon Cart (26:16.366)
And I started realizing that I was putting a certain kind of vulnerability out too early and certain women, was attracting certain women because they thought that they could control me. But once I made it clear that I understood what they were doing, because the last thing a passive aggressive person wants is to be called out. That’s why it’s passive aggressive, right? So I would start calling out what they were doing. They would disappear very quickly. And then I started to develop myself along that way and started attracting much better women. But I do remember like, I was getting to the end of like,

Nick McGowan (26:24.066)
Yeah.

Nick McGowan (26:30.517)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (26:46.178)
I was getting into the third year and I was like, I’m not really finding anyone. was just, I was really getting a bit cynical about it. And I just thought maybe I’m not gonna find someone to share the rest of my life with. And so I quit dating for six months. Like I quit approaching, quit dating. And I was just like, I really needed to focus on my business. Cause that was something that was lacking as well. And I had another big failure in that.

Nick McGowan (26:51.243)
Hmm.

Damon Cart (27:11.756)
that I was able to overcome. I was like, you know, less dating, more attention on my business. And that started to work out well for me. And six months later, I had like zero social life. I hadn’t been on a date in, you know, six months. And I was like, OK, I was just finishing up this online training that I had created. I was like, I really need to get out. I need some sunlight. I need some fresh air and I need to see people. And I’m walking down the street downtown here in Santa Cruz. And I just see this really attractive.

really young woman and I was trying to talk myself out of talking to her but I was like you know actually no I’m gonna go do this and I just walked up to her and told her I thought you know she was really cute and that I wanted to know her name and possibly go out on a date with her now I’m married to her and you think about those times where you know you almost didn’t do something but you did and then how that changes the trajectory of your life

And then that opened a whole new can of worms because she’s from a different country and we got separated by COVID. And she also got her visa taken away. we basically, we eloped in Istanbul, Turkey. The media picked it up and so it was broadcast live in Turkey, our wedding. And then we still couldn’t be together. And so it went on for two more years where the only way we could be together is if I traveled to Romania or we traveled to a country where we could both enter. It was a…

Nick McGowan (28:37.42)
Mm.

Damon Cart (28:38.508)
That was another dark time, but with a light at the end of the tunnel. but yeah, that’s, I threw a lot in there all at once. And I also, another dark time was a time that, I, my, business that I have now, had a major failure. And I just thought that was the end of it. All this work that I had done on YouTube for, you a year of doing videos. did a video every single day for eight months straight. And that was a lot of work. And I, that’s how I started to build.

Nick McGowan (28:45.366)
pain.

Damon Cart (29:07.232)
my following and then I put out my first training after doing youtube and it just was a spectacular failure and I thought that’s the end of it all this work that I had done and six weeks of I didn’t publish a single video and for six weeks and then suddenly I started getting all these emails and these messages hey we haven’t seen you put a video out in a while we’re worried about you are you sick are you dead let us know you’re okay and I was like you wouldn’t come to my

Nick McGowan (29:30.154)
Thank

What? Yeah.

Damon Cart (29:35.235)
fucking training and you just want me to keep putting free videos out there. Is that what this is about? So was a little resentful, but then I started making videos again. And then I realized what that was all about. It was, I was promoting a live in-person workshop for a different trainer. And it was like, they, my following didn’t know who he was and didn’t want to see him and didn’t want to show up to a live workshop. They wanted on, they found me on a screen. They wanted me and they wanted me on a screen. And that’s when I realized.

Nick McGowan (29:41.654)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (30:02.734)
that they wanted digital products, digital trainings. And so I didn’t know that at the time, but I just thought nobody really wants to know what I have to say and that’s the end of it and it’s time to go move on to a different business. It was quite a relief when I realized the mistakes that I’d made and that actually people did want what I was offering. yeah, so it was a interesting learning curve and very frustrating at the time, but it all ended up being really good.

Nick McGowan (30:31.084)
So in what was that five minutes seven minutes, maybe you’ve just chunked all this stuff in and I I laugh at times because I think it’s funny how we can we can look in like history books and they’re like from this period to this period like 600 years these three things happened. What the fuck do you mean? Like there were so many other things that happened. You had all these dark times even the six weeks off. I’m sure you still had the body feeling of like why I got to sit down. I could do the video. Wait a minute.

And then people come back, be like, are you all right? Are you dead? And be like, what the fuck do you mean? Where have you been? And you’re like…

Damon Cart (31:04.15)
No, and was so cliche, like whenever that failure happened, had trouble getting out of bed. I stayed in my pajamas most of the day. All the blinds were closed. They had very little light in my apartment. it’s like, because it was so weird. Like, I look back on it now, but it was like, that’s what you would see in a movie because you have to like show, you know, what’s going on inside the character by lighting it the right way and all that. And it was like, that’s what I was actually living through. And I didn’t even realize it at the time, but I was like, yeah, it was a

Nick McGowan (31:24.479)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (31:33.773)
It was a dark time and it was literally dark in my home. And that’s the way that it all felt. And finally, I remember just kind of emerging from that. And it was almost like opening the blinds and letting the sunlight in. it was like, you know what, I’m going to pick up my camera. And, yeah, I was just like, you know what? I’m a teacher. This is what I do. So I’m going to put that camera back up and start teaching again. And then eventually shortly thereafter, it led to one of the biggest successes that I had that still creating a training that I’m.

Nick McGowan (31:37.685)
Yeah.

Nick McGowan (31:45.215)
Bird singing.

Damon Cart (32:02.956)
you know, still selling to this day because I put so much effort into it. And, but if it hadn’t been for that failure, I would have never discovered that. And so, you know, it’s how these things often work.

Nick McGowan (32:14.994)
It’s how life works. Like you have to fail through things. You have to fuck around and find out. You also have to bash your head into the wall, the wrong wall sometimes to go, well, shit, that’s the wrong direction. Let me go back. And you still can learn things from it. I think, I think we can sometimes understand, from an intellectual perspective, like, yes, I get that you need to fail. You need to do this to do that. But then when people get into it can be really, it can be hurtful in a way that isn’t just to

the timing that they’re in, but there are so many other things that they haven’t worked through or processed through that it feels like they’re just stacking it on. Like, and now this, and now that, and my God, and now my shoes, and now this. It’s like, you’re just adding things to it. But it can be really easy to do that when you’re in that dark spot. Now, obviously you’ve been through these different things. You’ve fucked around, found out, but you’ve also learned through all this stuff. And I joke with the like, well, here was this short little thing.

Like how they even do it in movies. Like all this chaos and craziness happened and like 15 minutes later, it’s like, no, there was a lot of dark times, but there’s still that momentum and that movement. Even if you’re slowing down and you’re resting, you’re still moving in that direction. So the fact that you just didn’t give up, like, let’s be real, man, you had a lot of different times you could have just totally checked out. You could have been like, no, this is too much. I’m not doing it. And now, like, have you thought about that? Like, what have you checked out?

You wouldn’t be where you’re at. You wouldn’t be doing what you’re doing. You know, maybe you’re selling insurance again and like, fuck this, I can’t.

Damon Cart (33:47.039)
And I, you know, when I had that major failure, that’s what I thought. I was like, okay, do I have to go back into insurance? And I was seriously considering that. And, man, it was so painful to just even think about that. what I see with a lot of people, the real difference between people who are living the life that they want to live and really fulfilled by that and experiencing the kind of freedom they want is…

They stuck with what they were doing, even if that like evolved, you know, because you try things, they fail, you keep trying new things. And so it evolves, but you’re still sticking with it. And what I would say is, you know, the really important thing is not to be so fixated on how you’re going to get there because I, if I had actually gotten what I wanted the way that I thought I wanted it, it would have been a lot more restrictive. I would have been having to show up, you know, just to keep

my money going out, to actually physically show up in many different places and be teaching constantly, which is, you know, that’s what my teachers were doing. So I thought, well, that’s how it’s done. But they hadn’t really tapped into the Internet and YouTube and all that. So now I get the choice if I want to do that. I don’t have to like do that all the time. So I learned enough about, you know, business and everything to make it work the way that I make it work now. But that only came because the way that I thought I was going to do it failed miserably. So had to try to had to find a new way.

Nick McGowan (35:06.633)
Hmm.

Damon Cart (35:08.192)
When I think about like, had this weird experience earlier this year, was, so my wife and I, also my wife’s Romanian and we have a home in Romania. So we always go there in January and then we went to Cambodia and then we went to Vietnam. And I remember just like it really hitting me how much I was driven by freedom. And this is another thing that I think is really important to understand is when you, when you focus on values, then you’re not so focused on how you think it has to happen. You become more flexible and you know what.

the values are that you’re after. And for a long time, freedom was such an important thing to me. And I remember earlier this year being in Vietnam and just being like, more freedom is not going to make me happier. More freedom is not going to make me more fulfilled. I have really hit that level of freedom that was far more than I expected to ever achieve. I can travel anywhere and go anywhere because I can run my business off of a laptop. And also have a great team of people who I work with who, you know, I don’t have to do everything.

Nick McGowan (35:50.761)
you

Damon Cart (36:07.598)
They’re there for that as well. So I have the money I need and I have all the freedom to travel and do whatever. And that was both a victory in that moment that I realized that, but it was also like, okay, so where do I go from here? And it was like a real question for me to sort of contemplate. And that’s, I that might sound a little arrogant, like you achieve all that you want and then you’re kind of like, okay, well, what do I do now? Like that’s a…

a first world problem that most people would want to have that don’t even get to that point to have. it’s be prepared for that. Like if you really believe you’re going to be successful and you’re not going to stop until you become successful, be prepared for those moments that you have where you go, wow, OK, I really have it now. What now? And so I thought about all these different things that I could do from that point on. And I was like, well, wait a minute. It’s not about doing something different. I’m so happy with what I’m doing now. I don’t need to do anything different. I just want to do more of what I’m already doing.

Nick McGowan (37:05.094)
Yeah.

Damon Cart (37:05.26)
and I don’t need more freedom to do that. And it was a realization of I don’t need to be pursuing freedom so hard anymore because more of it actually can, at this point in my life, would probably be more nihilistic or more escapism. And it’s like, that’s not worth that either because that’s not gonna fulfill me more. So it was an interesting realization to come to that. And it’s like, yeah, okay, freedom doesn’t have to be the main thing here anymore.

Nick McGowan (37:22.481)
Mm-hmm

Nick McGowan (37:33.874)
Well, I think we’re also taught in this world with all the systems we have that you have to have a destination. Like think about even being like in high school and they’re like, we, need a five or you need a 10 year plan. That was always so difficult. I remember somebody even years ago was like, well, what’s your five or 10 year plan from now? It’s like, fuck if I know, because anything I come up with is going to be like half-hearted and like what I kind of want right now. But as you’ve moved through things and you do things, you start to see, well, I really want this. I want that. Like freedom is a big thing. I think a lot of people want freedom. I.

Damon Cart (37:43.822)
Hmm. Hmm.

Nick McGowan (38:03.706)
I love the freedom that I have. I’m right there with you where it’s like one of those things where you go, well, cool, I have it. Well, that’s cool. But like what’s really fulfilling inside is the thing that actually just drives us and pulls us from basically our chest. So for the people that are on their path towards self mastery and with everything you’ve gone through and especially with NLP, what’s your advice for those folks?

Damon Cart (38:26.318)
Keep your attention on what’s most important and what’s most important is your values. A value is a generalization about an experience that is important to you. So if happiness is important to you, success is important to you, authenticity is important to you, always keep your eyes on that. And then any goals you set need to be aligned with those values. Most of the time people have no idea what their values are in a particular context and they will be different from context to context. And they just set a goal because they think, okay, like you said,

You have to have a destination, right? So here I’m going to set this goal, but they don’t really understand what’s driving the motivation to have that goal. And a lot of times it’s more external values. Well, other people value achieving this, so it must be valuable. Or if I achieve it, then these people will think very highly of me and respect me. Those are, you know, if you’re accomplishing something that does those things, there’s nothing wrong with that. But if that’s why you’re doing it, you’re probably not going to be fulfilled.

by accomplishing that. And so a lot of people are chasing goals that are not even fulfilling to them. And whenever they fail at that, because really there’s that inner wisdom that is holding them back, like the inner wisdom that helped me back from succeeding as an insurance agent, because that would have been the golden handcuffs. It would have been really hard to walk away from a very successful business with a lot of money. And I would have probably tolerated that misery. you want to be careful. know, like when you quit at something because you run out of motivation for it.

Nick McGowan (39:45.318)
Hmm.

Damon Cart (39:52.345)
Check in with that is that a deeper wisdom that knows better that that’s not really going to fulfill you. But what most people do is they beat themselves up and they say, I should have had more discipline or I should have had more willpower. I’m just not good enough. And they go into this whole self-worth thing, which is not real by the way. It’s something that holds a lot of people back. And then the people who do succeed at it and they get there and they go, wow, this isn’t fulfilling. This feels rather empty. thought it would be great if when I finally

Nick McGowan (40:03.791)
Yeah.

Nick McGowan (40:08.454)
the

Damon Cart (40:21.39)
Achieve this but again, it wasn’t aligned with their values. So no, it’s not going to be fulfilling and Because they feel lost without a goal They set another goal and get back on that treadmill and they do the whole thing over and over again and people come to me for coaching now who are very very successful on paper you would think they would be extremely happy and fulfilled they have all the money they have the family they have the cars the house and everything and they’re coming to me because they feel like imposters or they’re coming to me because

they feel so unfulfilled and they can’t understand it because they’ve accomplished everything they’ve ever wanted to accomplish yet they feel so empty inside. And it’s like, yeah, you’re good at accomplishing. The problem was you never really got in touch with what do you truly value? What is really important to you? And so that’s the most important thing is what’s most important to you. And the better you understand that, the more clarity you have around that, the more you’re naturally going to be drawn to that and motivated to do that. The other thing I would say is

There is no such thing as self-worth. How this problem comes up is feeling like you’re not good enough, feeling like you deserve it or don’t deserve it. It goes both ways. And so what most people are feeling is a low sense of self-worth. And they feel like if I go and try to achieve something and I fail at it, I will lower my self-worth and I’m already clinging to what little I have. So most of the time people won’t do something and they’ll sit back and say, well, I’m waiting for the right opportunity. what they’re waiting is

to feel of higher self-worth so that they feel like they can go do something and if they lose some self-worth, they’ll still be okay. Well, here’s the thing, there is no such thing as self-worth. There is no way to measure your value, which is what worth is. It’s really a metaphor and there’s a lot of problems that happen when we try to apply metaphors literally. And we see this in the Bible. Fundamentalists are people who are trying to apply metaphors in the Bible literally and it causes a lot of problems. So what people do is they have this idea of self-worth.

And so they think, well, how do I measure my worth? Well, first of all, there’s no way to do it. There’s no objective scale or person who can be objective and measure people’s worth. So what do we do? We compare ourselves to others and that will destroy you every time. If you compare yourself to others to make yourself feel better about yourself because you think they’re less than you. Now you’re engaging in the superiority that’s going to bring you down. And if you play that game, you can’t only play it in one direction.

Damon Cart (42:45.87)
when you encounter someone you think is of higher worth than you, now you’re gonna feel bad about yourself. The whole thing, you can kill the whole thing just by stop comparing yourself to others. Now this idea of self-worth, it usually comes about very early in life and we just pile more and more beliefs on top of that whole idea. So the two things that I would recommend is get clear and clear about your values, basically what’s important to you.

What does that actually look like to you? And you’re not going have it all figured out. And you’re definitely not going to figure it out all out on paper. You need to take action. And action is the best way to get that clarity, experience. And then the other thing is to dismantle the whole concept of self-worth entirely. When you do that, when you do those two things together, you’re just on the path to living a very fulfilling life, a life of being who you want to be and therefore creating the life you want to live.

Nick McGowan (43:38.213)
That’s awesome. And I think a lot of people can anchor into like the understanding of action and motivation too. Like you have to take action to be motivated, continue to do the thing. It’s likewise with what you’re saying where you have to take those actions, but you have to understand why you’re doing those things. And it is interesting how a lot of people don’t know what their principles are or they are somebody else’s principles. Like, well, my wife and I, or my partner and I, or

my family and I, have these principles. Like, well, where did those come from? Well, you know, they just kind of came up and like, we don’t really think about that or don’t think about it throughout their day to day life of like, well, how do I move about this? And why do I want to do such a thing? I’m really glad that you touched on those two things, man. It’s been great having you on. So I appreciate your time. Before I let you go, where can people find you and where can they connect with you?

Damon Cart (44:27.852)
Yeah, the easiest place is my YouTube channel. It’s just Damon Cart, Damon Cart NLP. And we’ve got a lot of videos been doing this for quite a while, almost 10 years. So that’s, you’ll find not only my videos, but in my videos, I give a lot of free resources so that you can get started usually on the topic that I’m giving you or the solution to a problem. You can access like free PDFs and things like that. so also I have my website is selfconcept.com.

Like I said, I do general NLP, but I also really focus on this one model because your beliefs about yourself determine your beliefs about everything else, you the world around you. And if you haven’t realized already, it’s your beliefs that govern your reality. So what you believe is possible, what you believe is true. lot of, most of our beliefs are deeply unconscious. So when you can understand what the beliefs are, especially the deeply unconscious ones about who you are, when you understand what those are,

you understand their limitations and then you transform them so they don’t have those limitations. Then you become that person you value. Your self-esteem goes up, your confidence goes up and you naturally gravitate toward creating that life that you want to live that’s reflective of the value that you are.

Nick McGowan (45:45.38)
So wait, you putting worth to that? No, I’m just kidding. I’m only kidding. Awesome, man. Well, again, I appreciate your time. Thank you so much for being with us today.

Damon Cart (45:48.052)
It’s different, worse than the measurement.

Damon Cart (45:55.246)
Thank you for having me on.