Hi everybody,

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2. Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone?  Instructions can be found here.
   
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Keep on truckin’!

Todd+Cathy

Time Stamps

(00:11:56) Husband and I are going to Australia for 12 days and I feel guilty about leaving my 9 year old daughter

(00:28:29) I’m worried my 13 year old son is a perfectionist and is afraid to fail

(00:40:25) My autistic 19 year old daughter doesn’t want to be around her grandmother

Some Ways to Support Us

1. 
   
2. 
   
   1. 
      
   2. Attend ZenCon 25
      
   3. Pre-order Restoring our Girls
      
   4. Join Team Zen
      
   5. Sign up for Cathy’s Substack
      
   6. MenLiving
      
   7. Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
      
   
   
   

AI Summary

Meeting summary for Zen Talk (10/16/2024)

Quick recap

The meeting covered various topics, including technical difficulties, personal experiences, and discussions on parenting challenges. Todd shared insights on self-care, resilience, and navigating family relationships, while also recommending resources for dealing with failure and setting boundaries. The group also addressed concerns about leaving children for extended periods and the importance of understanding and accepting people’s true selves.

Next steps

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• Emilie to create a poster of Australia and involve her daughter in trip planning.
  
• Emilie to practice short separations with her daughter before the Australia trip.
  
• Michel’s to discuss disappointment and embarrassment with her son regarding his academic and athletic performance.
  
• Nicki’s to continue supporting her daughter’s therapy process for managing family relationships.
  
• Todd to share personal experiences of failure with the group to normalize the learning process.
  

Summary

Todd’s Colonoscopy Experience and Anesthesia Challenges
Todd discussed his recent colonoscopy and the process of anesthesia, highlighting the challenges faced by anesthesiologists in determining the right dosage for patients. He also shared his experiences with multiple doctor appointments and the importance of monitoring patients’ vital signs during anesthesia. Todd mentioned his plans to send a PDF to each of his contacts in Chicago, possibly including a coupon code, and his intention to conduct a Goodreads giveaway. He also noted that Amazon had acquired Goodreads.

Community Growth and Support Discussion
Todd Adams, from Zen parenting radio, reflected on the growth of their community, which started around 2019, and the first Zen talk in 2017. He mentioned the upcoming podcast episode, which might discuss a documentary called “Will and Harper” to increase understanding and comfort with transgender issues. Todd also expressed his appreciation for the community’s support and the opportunity to learn alongside others.

Personal Stories, Acceptance, and Family Concerns
Todd shared a personal story about his daughter Harper, who identifies as trans. He emphasized the importance of understanding and accepting people’s true selves, highlighting the potential negative consequences of not doing so. Todd also expressed his hope for the future and suggested a group introduction where each person could share their children’s names, ages, and a unique aspect about them. Emily then shared her concerns about her daughter’s struggles with expanders and braces, as well as her own worries about international travel. She revealed that she had won a trip to Sydney, which she had always wanted to visit.

Discussing Guilt and Planning an International Trip
Emily expressed her guilt about leaving her 9-year-old daughter for an international trip to Australia, which she and her husband are planning as an anniversary trip. Todd and Kathy reassured her that it’s a normal feeling for a mother and that the trip could be a great opportunity for her daughter to become more responsible and bond with her grandparents. They also suggested that Emily could use the time to book dates for her daughter and stay connected through technology. Emily acknowledged the points and seemed to be considering them.

Discussing Parental Challenges and Self-Care
Todd and Emily discussed the challenges of leaving their daughter for extended periods, such as a trip to Australia. Todd emphasized the importance of self-care and the need for mothers to take time for themselves, even if it’s difficult. He suggested that Emily could practice leaving her daughter for shorter periods to help her adjust to the idea. Emily shared her concerns about her daughter’s feelings and the upcoming trip. Todd also recommended a book called “Gifts from the Sea” by Ann Merle Lindbergh, which he found helpful in dealing with the emotional challenges of leaving.

Discussing Australia Trip and Resilience
Todd and Emily discussed the upcoming trip to Australia and the potential impact on Emily’s daughter. Todd emphasized the importance of resilience and the value of creating lasting memories. He shared a personal story about his mother’s decision to give his daughters a week off from school, which he initially disagreed with but later appreciated. Emily agreed to involve her daughter more in the planning process and expressed excitement about the trip. Todd also encouraged the team to share their personal experiences and seek guidance from each other.

Addressing Fear of Failure in Children
Michel’s expressed concern about his son’s inability to cope with failure, which was affecting his engagement in certain subjects. Todd suggested that Michel’s share his own experiences of failure and learning from them with his son, and recommended the book “The Gift of Failure” by Jess Lahey. Todd emphasized the importance of not letting fear of failure prevent children from trying and suggested that Michel’s’s son’s fear of disappointment might be more significant than his fear of actual failure. Todd also highlighted the need to recognize when a child might be struggling with an activity and whether it’s their passion or just a fear of disappointing others. Michel’s agreed with Todd’s insights and acknowledged the need to address his son’s fears and potential lack of interest in certain activities.

Navigating Boundaries and Trauma for Autistic Daughter
Todd and Nicki’s discussed their 19-year-old daughter’s efforts to build a new foundation for herself and set boundaries, particularly in relation to her grandmother’s toxic behavior. Their daughter, who is autistic, has been reliving past traumatic experiences and wants to protect her younger cousins from similar situations. They understand her need to control what feels safe and allow her to make those choices. Nicki’s expressed concern about their daughter recently identifying as agoraphobic and increasingly shutting herself off from the world. However, Todd emphasized that everyone has different experiences and boundaries, and their daughter’s therapist is helping her navigate these issues.