There can be an imbalance in parenting when a child is taught he’s very special, but isn’t taught everyone else is, too. This quickly plays itself out in behavioral issues and entitlement. There is a danger in connection to ourselves and the Lord without this third leg of connection to others to balance the tripod. Being called to love and lay down our lives for each other draws us out of the self-centeredness of how special we are and into the trenches of sandpaper ministry, where we are all refined and our rough edges are smoothed. In relationships with others, our weaknesses and woundedness are revealed. It cannot be all giving and no taking, and vice versa. The nature of relationships is reciprocity and we soon find in giving we do receive and sometimes even more than what we are able to contribute. Loving others gives us the experience of being a gift. For such a blessing there is no substitute.

We are created for connection and actually tend toward addictive behavior when we do not have healthy connection with others. British journalist Johann Hari who researched drug addiction, is famously noted as saying, “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.”¹ This isn’t only true in terms of drug and alcohol addiction, but also food, sex, work, and the other many ways we may try to self-medicate. Because God made us to be one in him, lacking community can leave us lacking an experience of unity, and this can leave us feeling unfulfilled.

As we’ve considered many times so far, the foundation for all relating – relating to ourselves in addition to everyone else – must be a healthy relationship with the Lord. He is the only one who will ever know, value, and be able to protect us perfectly, in this life and in eternity. With this basis in place, we are able to minister and receive his love to each other without anxiety, even in the face of rejection or abandonment. These feelings are very real and human, yet they begin to diminish as we become more rooted in God’s constant and unconditional love.

The same pattern that has been revealed in our relationship to God and to ourselves is manifest in our relationships with each other, being known and valued, and the need for boundaries and openness. In the following sections, we’ll take a look at those aspects in terms of the give and take in relationship to peers.

May the Lord give you peace!

Margaret

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