How to Talk to Mean Voices

In the last episode, we discussed the importance of compassionate self-talk.  So, what do we do with that pesky self-commentary that can be mean or discouraging?  Should I ignore it and think happy thoughts?  NO!  That voice will fester like a splinter, getting more painful.  Ignoring it won’t solve things and may exacerbate the situation.

Have you ever been around a toddler and seen how they are when they are ignored?  They get louder.  They can be quite resolute in their dedication to being heard.  It’s amazing, though it can be annoying to witness such motivation and determination.  Frequently, the need they’re trying to express can be simple and when they know they’ve been heard compassionately, it moves toward the situation being resolved.  They may not necessarily like not getting their way, but when they know they’re safe, heard, and presented with an alternate plan, they can begin to align themselves with it.  Contrast that with when they are ignored and the unnecessary intensity and drama that can take place.  Ultimately, a peaceful resolution still requires them to be acknowledged and addressed compassionately.

For this reason, when we have a negative commentary about ourselves going on in our minds, the best course of action is, yet again, compassion!  That’s right.  Stay consistently in that compassionate mode if the thought is that I did something stupid or that it was ridiculous for me to forget something; that is just an emotion I am experiencing.  There is still the ‘I’ of me that can respond to that emotion compassionately.  Why would I do such a thing?  Well, because the Lord tells me to love myself.  Also, that emotion is coming out of a misguided desire to help me do better in the future.  Being put down, beat up, and demoralized by myself won’t accomplish that desire any more than a loud and angry coach will motivate a little league baseball team to want to keep playing their best.

When those self-destructive emotions go through my mind, I can speak to that part to thank it for working so hard and acknowledging that it is trying to be helpful.  Then, I can let it know that I – the compassionate me – am taking care of the situation.  I can ask it if it would be willing to let me handle things with compassion and see how it goes.  You may be surprised how willing it is to try it in a new and loving way.

Denial is never a good plan.  Instead, remain compassionate.  Love casts out fear way better than intimidation does, and everyone does better when they are loved.

May the Lord give you His peace that surpasses all understanding!

Margaret

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