“Carrion my wayward son
You’ll be a feast when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you cry no more”
–Turns out this song is about eating the rotting corpse of your dead child. Man, Kansas is fucking dark.

The Carrion Crawler is probably the grossest creature we’ve learned about so far. This Putrid Party Monster will haunt your dreams and make you rethink your feelings about bugs. And it doesn’t even matter if you liked or disliked bugs. If you thought beetles were cool before, now you’re gonna think they’re disgusting. If you already hated grubs, we’ll you’re gonna live in a nightmare world after this.

Why does Wizards of the Coast do this to us?

You probably don’t even have to listen to the episode to figure out if Kyle and Alex think the Carrion Crawler is a friend or fiend, but you might as well give the episode a listen anyway.

We’re sorry.