Let’s face it: we all have marriage arguments from time to time. Yet, there is a correct way to argue. Can you both be winners? Yes! Let’s win at marriage and make it a blessed place for you, your spouse, and your children.

Why do we argue? We may disagree for many different reasons. And, sadly, we hurt the ones we love the most. Why is this? Because we care. We wouldn’t be so hurt if we didn’t care for each other. Think about this.

Often, marriage arguments can be prevented. And the worst ones are those that are in front of the kids. Be mindful of your children and set a good example when discussing differences with your spouse. The kids do not need to hear yelling and slandering; it makes an impression on them.

When we argue, we often try to prove a point: I’m right, and you are wrong. Ultimately, one of us will be unhappy. And when we are not right, it makes it even harder!

When I was a new bride, I read something that said you should never go to bed angry, and I loved the idea! So, my poor husband would have to say, up to all hours of the night, “discussing” our issue (and he is very stubborn). I kept saying, “I want to discuss this so we are on the same page and it never happens again!” And we got nowhere. Finally, exhausted, he’d say, “Okay, you are right. Can I go to bed now?”

I realized something had to change, and fast.

Thanks to our episode sponsor, NowPrograms.com, visit the website for more information about a unique reading method. Don’t accommodate, remediate!

When we think about winning an argument in the context of marriage, it can quickly become misunderstood, and by the true-life example I gave you, detrimental to a relationship in the long run. Our focus should not be on winning but more on understanding each other’s positions and putting ourselves in our spouse’s shoes.

We must acknowledge their feelings when we understand that the person we love is hurting. It demonstrates that you understand and care and will help de-escalate the situation.

Saying the following:

1. 
   
2. I understand you are upset.
   
3. Can we discuss this calmly, if not now when you are ready?
   
4. I love you, and I’d like to discuss this situation calmly.
   

Acknowledging each other’s feelings is the first step, and it can de-escalate the situation, but being calm is equally important. As we become upset, our voices rise, and soon we can yell at each other. Taking a deep breath can stall the outburst, or even saying, “I need a minute.” to compose can be helpful. Screaming at each other never works.

When we discuss the situation, look at each other and be mindful of your body position. Look into each other’s eyes; don’t have your body angled away or arms crossed. This leads to a signal that you are not open to discussion.

1. 
   
2. No profanity
   
3. No character assasination
   
4. No accusations, keep it to “I feel.”
   

What Works:

Listen to each other; you can offer to go first or let your spouse do it. Allow the person to talk without interrupting. Yes, this can be hard, but try to listen. Find common ground if at all possible. When it is your turn to talk, express your feelings without attacking or belittling the other person. No character assasination. Taboo words are dumb, stupid, or using profanity. It does not help.

Use the “I” position. I feel, or I think. Don’t blame – “you always” or “you don’t care,” etc. Again, keep it as a personal expression. You know what you think about your feelings and can only guess what your spouse is feeling or his motivation.

Give each other space if needed, but don’t use this as a delay tactic to keep from discussing the difficult things. It is better to say, “Can we talk in about an hour?” (Or less), rather than say things you will regret. It is okay to say, “I love you, but I need a few minutes to regroup.”

Work on resolutions together. It may not be perfect initially, but you both must give it a little. Sometimes, the solution will surprise you. In fact, winning an argument is when you can come to a peaceful solution to strengthen your relationship. It is vital to resolve the issue more so than to say you are right. (Even if you are!)

The enemy does not like marriages, especially good ones, and seeks to disrupt them whenever possible. Look at how you get along and do kind things for each other whenever possible to build that bond and relationship.

Healthy Marriage Tips

Three Marriage Secrets

and What Homeschooling Does To Your Marriage

You can both win the arguments within marriage when the result is a happy and harmonious life. One where you look forward to seeing your husband each day, and your husband is excited to see you, and where you look forward to growing old together. That was something my husband and I said to each other in the early years of marriage, and it always made me feel special and cherished.

Remember, the key to winning is to get along for the sake of your marriage and your children.

The post Marriage Arguments You Can Win appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.