Caring for your marriage is essential; a healthy marriage takes work from two spouses. Is there a right or wrong way to approach marriage? Felice Gerwitz shares some of her favorite tips for strengthening marriage in this podcast.

Before I start, I want to remind you that some of these points may resonate with you, but others will not! Use what works for you and your spouse! Each couple and relationship is unique.  Forty-five years of marriage later, and I’m still learning.

If you were talking to a newly engaged couple, what marriage advice would you give them? Think about this, or as a fun activity, do this with your spouse!

My husband and I sat down to brainstorm the main aspects of marriage that few talk about, or if they do, they gloss over the facts. This list was not very long, but one word is essential: relationship.

What is your relationship with God, your relationship (i.e., “love”) with each other, and what do you enjoy doing together? Do you spend time alone building up your marriage? I know it is hard, especially with children, but some things you can do, and others you can find workarounds. The main concept here is relationship.

Your relationship with God will set the stage for leading a good moral life. It allows you to follow the tenets of the Christian faith: kindness, love, and compassion. For a marriage to thrive, it should be selfless. I do something for my husband, not necessarily because I choose to do it, but because I want to do something kind. I want to love as Christ loves me. Yes, it is always a work in progress. A conscious decision and a choice.

Your relationship should be enjoyable. Do you like to spend time together doing different things? My husband tends to enjoy watching television. I’d be happy not to own a television. So, how do we compromise?

I want to spend time with him so sometimes I read or do some type of graphics on the computer. I love art, and this is my way to express my creativity. I typically do something that doesn’t take lots of brainpower so that I am available to chat about different things: my husband is also okay with pausing the television to hear something I want to share or read to him. It works. Sometimes we watch movies, most of the time on the weekend, but otherwise, our time spent talking is over meals.

1. 
   
2. Marriage is not 50/50 it is 100/100
   
3. Forgiveness goes a long way in healing hurts.
   
4. Manipulation only goes so far and should stop.
   
5. Listening is key to a long and happy marriage. (Knowing when to talk and when to hold your tongue is gold!)
   
6. Character assassination is forbidden!
   

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My husband and I didn’t always prioritize our marriage, and in our 30s, we were growing apart. I focused on homeschooling, taking the kids to lessons, sports, and household management. My husband focused on growing his business, and spent time with the kids and me. In my late 30s, I started a publishing company while pregnant with my third child. When visiting the pediatrician, he asked me if my husband and I would spend time together going to dinner. Truthfully, I was annoyed with him and smiled non-committedly. How was this his business?

Later that evening, I shared what the doctor said to my husband, and he was all for going out and spending time alone together. This simple thing rekindled our relationship. We did have some rules, such as no cell phones and talking about the kids being out! We talked about our businesses, our hopes and dreams, and some of our goals. I loved hearing his insights and advice for my business. This wasn’t always reciprocated, but I felt we had a handle on what we wanted and where we headed.

We made an effort to parent together, which also cut down on some of our arguments over different parenting styles. We didn’t need to contradict each other. He was way more lenient than I was and needed his backing and support. On the other hand, he was gone all day and missed the kids.

So we worked out a plan for when he came home. (Shared on air.) he could first say hi to me, we’d sit a few minutes and chat. I might have had a small snack for him, but it was just us. Then he’d take the kids outdoors or in another room and spend time with them until dinner. The kids were prepped and knew this was happening ahead of time. Even with a young baby, I did this, and it worked wonders in just having that few minutes to reconnect.

Communication is important, as well as common courtesy. Being nice to each other, showing you care, and appreciating each other and your contribution to the marriage is important. The little things are so important. I was thankful when he would grill or take the kids out for a few minutes so I could have a break.

We did not always support each other’s endeavors but worked toward a common goal. I was ready to grow my husband’s construction business while he wanted to keep it small. So, I expressed my desire to grow a business by launching my own. My husband wanted to keep it small, but it grew so quickly that he came on board! His only request was to minimize travel to conferences, so I started an online platform before that was a thing! (We co-own this homeschool podcast network and our sister network here that has an international reach. So much for keeping it small!)

You may be married to a headstrong spouse, and I’m the one in our family, and we can be a handful at times, but once again good communication and a deep caring and friendship really helps. My husband and I are good friends; he is the first one I want to tell things to and the one who understands me the best. Recently through a mini-crisis he was very supportive and brought out good points that I didn’t remember.

A good marriage is a spouse who is there for you when you need it, and that doesn’t mean being on call 24/7, but it does mean making time for listening and support. Sometimes, I’m up, and he is down, and sometimes, it is in reverse. Having a person to lean on makes all the difference!

I pray this information was helpful and that you can use what you think applies to your relationship. We pray for all of you who listen to this podcast and others on the Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network. Thanks for stopping by!

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