This week on Homeschool Highschool Podcast: Helping Teens Manage Anxiety with Kimberly Bennett.

 

Helping Teens Manage Anxiety with Kimberly Bennett

The high school years can carry so much stress for teens! That’s why Vicki asked her friend, homeschool mom, and fellow counselor, Kimberly Bennett to talk about helping teens manage anxiety.

Kimberly Bennett’s story

When Kimberly took her first Psychology course in high school, she knew that it would be her career. In college she earned a graduate degree in Applied Psychology.

She started her career in juvenile justice in Atlanta. Kimberly has a heart for teenagers. She even had a rocking chair in my office in “Juvie Hall”.  When the teens would get upset, they would come in and she would have them just rock. Eventually, that soothing motion would kick in and they would calm down.

After a few years, Kimberly moved on to serving as a guidance counselor in middle school for about seven years. However, when the recession hit in 2008, her district cut the guidance counselor jobs. That’s when she started a private practice in the Atlanta area.

She also married, and after eleven years, had her first child shortly after they were relocated to Texas. She put her counseling career on hold to enjoy being mom to her son.

Because she was home with her son,  she started to notice that “he was doing things his own way”. In other words, she was seeing little bit of developmental delay. That is not unusual with babies who are born prematurely, and fortunately with all her work advocating for teens and middle schoolers, she knew the skills for advocating for her own child.

She pushed the pediatrician until she got my referrals for occupational and physical therapies. This made a huge difference for her son. Then, when he was almost three years old, he was diagnosed with Developmental Coordination Disorder, more commonly known as dyspraxia. He was also diagnosed with sensory integration dysfunction.

They were able to get him the interventions he needed that helped him make huge strides.

Homeschooling Kimberly’s son

Initially Kimberly’s son attended a private pre-K and a private kindergarten. While he was at school she was researching.

Kimberly highly advocates for parents doing research about their young person’s diagnosis.

“Read everything you can get your hands on. Try not to get caught up so much on the label, just educate yourself.”

When it came time for first grade, Kimberly felt that the Holy Spirit just said, “No, this is not right for you.”

So I panicked and I did. I pulled him out before he ever started his first day of class and learned, did a crash course, if you will, for learning how to homeschool in a month.

In the meantime, God kept putting fellow homeschool moms in her path. She would run into them in the grocery store or the park and run into homeschool moms. them in the park. The first real ambassador was a homeschool mom that she met in her son’s occupational therapy office. Kimberly watched her with her children and was impressed. That homeschool mom poured into her, allowing Kimberly to ask her anything.

Starting Homeschool Counseling Network

After homeschooling your her son for almost a decade, (and during the pandemic) she felt like God was nudging her:  “Why don’t you start these groups on Facebook, a podcast and a website.” Everyone was homeschoolers whether they wanted to be or not during that challenging time. Kimbelry wanted to help.

Then Kimberly met a very, very dear friend, Natalie Mack.

BTW- many of you know our friend and Cousin Natalie Mack, she’s a one of the world’s most helpful people- and provided a lovely TEDx talk about homeschooling! Check out our chats with Natalie Mack:

• Handling Depression in Teens
• Emotionally Preparing Teens for College
• Tips for Homeschooling High School

Natalie, who is also a trained counselor, reminded Kimberly of her training and the needs in the homeschool community during that time of health crisis and the needs of parents who are homeschooling teens with challenges. She encouraged Kimberly to jump in and help!

Kimberly has gathered a network of professionals in the areas of:

• academic advising
• counseling and mental health
• faith-based pastoral counseling
• tutors and courses
• all types of therapists from OTs, PTs, and SLPs

with the goal of finding providers who specialize particularly or have experience in working with homeschooling families.

Teens and Anxiety

Many teens (and adults) experience some level of stress or  anxiety because there’s anxiety in the world. Teens are also wrestling with puberty and phase-of-life stressors.

Anxiety can serve a purpose for us. We have a limbic system for a reason. We have an amygdala for a reason (the parts of our brains are leftover from the times when we were caveman, running from dinosaur and saber tooth tiger.) If we ever are actually running from saber tooth tiger, we want our amygdala and our limbic system to do its job.

We need to be able to run faster from the saber tooth tigers.  That’s one job of the limbic system and amygdala.

The problem is when it sends the “alert” but the alert is not needed.  When that happens we need to retrain our brain. Here are some ways to calm and retrain our brain.

Bonding helps lower anxiety and calm the brain

Bonding tells the limbic system and amygdala that they can calm down. Bonding can include spending a moment of pleasant time together. A gentle way to do a little anxiety-lowering bonding is to smile at your teen (their instinct is to smile back). This moment together creates a little bit of bonding.

Then take the fear out of feelings

The first recommendation for reducing anxiety that Kimberly makes is to take the fear out of feelings. Give yourself and your teen permission to identify and notice their feelings. Feelings are not something to be ashamed of.

The second thing Kimberly recommends is to give your teen language. Ask your teen to name the feelings: “What are you feeling right now?”

Next, ask your teen why they are feeling that way? Feelings are there for a reason: Is there a saber tooth about to attack? No? Maybe a math test, maybe a disagreement with a friend, or maybe PMS?

Then, discuss what can be done about it? If they are overwhelmed, help them do some math test prep, or brainstorm how to talk to the friend, or do some self-nurture for PMS. (For more on this, check out the 3Ws practice with this freebie journal.)

When anxiety gets to be a problem, work on self-care and get help

If you are noticing a frequent pattern of  sleep disruption, difficulty focusing, their ability to concentrate, and worrying, you may want to get more support for your teen.

Start with teaching them deep breathing and have them practice several times each day. (Deep breathing instruction is included in 7Sisters Health curriculum. Also, you can download some instructions for progressive relaxation, a fun kind of deep breathing.)

A good basic deep breathing skill includes:

Take a deep breath while you count to five, hold that breath for the count of three, then breathe out slowly to the count of seven.

Teach them how the care of their body helps manage the hormones of anxiety: hydrating, healthy food, getting enough sleep and exercise (exercise is GREAT for burning off stress hormones).

Try therapy when needed

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a helpful tool for helping teens lower their anxiety. You can get in touch with Kimberly with ideas and support at the Homeschool Counseling Network I interview, which was created to bridge a gap between homeschooling families and professionals.

Kimberly’s goal is to bring free and reduced cost resources to you in the form of directories, podcasts, articles, and even digital video content to homeschooling families.

Contact Kimberly Bennett at:

• The Homeschool Counseling Network
• Instagram: @Kimberly Bennettlpc_hcn
• Facebook: Homeschool Counseling Resource Sharing Group

Join Vicki and Kimberly Bennett for ideas and resources on helping teens manage anxiety.

Thanks to Seth Tillman for editing.

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