Who Comes First?

Why is putting yourself first so hard?
There's a cost of not putting yourself first.  And it's pretty high. It could cost you more than a couple of your relationships. It might also cost you your health. Or even your job.  It sounds odd to think there is a consequence to not putting yourself first, but there is.  Not putting yourself first in any relationship means your consciously expressing that you're not important.  If you have kids, it means you're teaching them the same thing.

The real hard part is learning that in not putting yourself first, you are actually enabling others to manipulate you.  This is never fun and it never feels right.  So, how can you put yourself first?  Well, before we get into that, can you determine where you don't put yourself first?

(HIT PLAY and LISTEN behind the scenes)

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Thank you for joining us for this podcast episode 036 of
True Connections with Weston Jolly
 

Transcription: Who Comes First?

You have an addiction. You put everything and everybody else ahead of you. You allocate some space for yourself but for the most part you’re consumed with putting everyone needs and desires first. Like all addicts, you lie to yourself, that putting yourself first isn’t a problem.

If you’re married, your partner comes first. This could include sexually, pun intended. In your relationship with your kids, they come first. If you don’t have any children, your friends come first. If you don’t have any friends, then your work comes first.

If you work for yourself, your customers come first. If you don’t have any customers, then “the deal” comes first. It’s just never you. Your body has been giving you hints, but you’re likely not listening, because you justify your actions as “good.”

Yep, I did say good. Because you think that it’s good to put other people’s needs before yours… (Pause) Whatever the reason is a big fat whooooo cares. It doesn’t matter “who” comes first, it’s just not you. And to really ruffle your feathers you have the same issues as a full blown narcissist.

What??? Do I have your attention now? I should because you actually enable the manipulators and the narcissists. Yep, you. Not someone else, you.

You may think I’m trying to provoke you but I’m not. Really, I am not. I sit here having rushed my version of breakfast, which everyone in my family thinks is birdseed. Actually, it’s steel cut oats that aren’t properly cooked. Nobody in my family will eat my undercooked one minute oatmeal- because it looks and tastes like birdseed.

That’s not all. I have a wet head because I didn’t have time to properly dry my hair. I did shower and brush my teeth, because those are necessities. Blow drying my hair… well, that’s in the luxury category. This isn’t always true but it is sometimes.

You may blow dry your hair and apply make up but not allow yourself to be first in other areas. Probably you have your own places where do you don’t put yourself first. It’s kind of silly that you wouldn’t take care of yourself first but there are reasons. All of them not good.

Let’s come back to that part where I said, that you are actually enabling the manipulators and narcissists around you. Just in case you possibly could think that you are narcissistic, let me tell you that narcissists aren’t going to be interested in what I have to say. Narcissists aren’t going to listen to you either for that matter.

If it’s not all about them, it’s not interesting. If you get that, then there’s no doubt in your mind that you’re even close to this category. A narcissist will tell you; “I don’t care about anybody. I tell everyone I care but I really don’t. I couldn’t give a crap about anybody. And that’s only the start of it.” Just so you know,