Hi, I’m
Weston

After providing over 15,000 hours in session and speaking, I recognize that… “You’re much stronger and more empowered than you think you are…”

My Story

Why You Cant Manage Your Fears

It’s a popular notion that you can control, overcome, and even manage your fears, but there are undeniable reasons why this will never work!

What you’ll learn

In this dialogue on why you can’t overcome or manage your fears, we take a close look at the nature of our beliefs and fears. Remarkably, over 90% of the fears that haunt us are actually unfounded. Join me as we explore how to break free from fear—and why you can’t manage or overcome fear. The first step toward true transformation is to confront our fears directly, observing their presence instead of fleeing from them.

In this podcast, we will examine the compelling connection between love and fear, shedding light on why fear grips us and how it significantly diminishes our capacity to receive.

This journey is not merely about personal growth; it’s about transforming the energy of every situation we encounter. Today, we are called to release our beliefs in fear, embrace the irrefutable truth of love, and harness the immense power we all possess to shape our experiences through awareness and intention.

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Thank you for joining us for this podcast
Episode 080 of True Connections with Weston Jolly

Transcription: Managing fear and anxiety doesn’t work, but this approach does

[00:10] – Weston Jolly
Managing fear and anxiety doesn’t work, but this approach does. Right now, there’s a significant amount of fear being propagated. The reason is simple: fear sells. In moments of fear, there’s an instinct within you that drives action.

Understanding Fear

[01:13] – Weston Jolly
We observe this in advertising campaigns. You’ve likely seen an egg breaking into a hot skillet, followed by the sound of sizzling. The tagline reads, “This is your brain on drugs,” creating a stark connection between frying the egg and frying your brain. This makes you think, “This is real.”

[01:41] – Weston Jolly
A lot of people want you to feel afraid.

[01:46] – Weston Jolly
They aim to sell you their agenda, product, service, or idea. This allows them to control or manipulate you through fear.

Fear is Addictive

[02:02] – Weston Jolly
Let’s be clear about the essence of fear: it is addictive. It feeds on itself. Just one word, idea, or thought can start to grow, and soon you can feel it emanating from your solar plexus and spreading throughout your body.

[02:25] – Weston Jolly
Like any addiction, fear cannot be managed effectively. People who seek help in rehab programs, for example, may try to overcome alcohol addiction by counting days, weeks, or even years to manage their success. But ultimately, this approach fails.

[02:55] – Weston Jolly
We have plenty of examples illustrating this. So, while managing fear and anxiety doesn’t work, what does?

Biologically-Why You Can’t Manage Fear

[03:05] – Weston Jolly
Let’s delve into something important for your understanding. Biologically speaking, if I were close enough to you and blew in your face, you’d instinctively blink. This reaction is beyond your control and cannot be managed.

[03:22] – Weston Jolly
This is simply how your body is designed. When you recognize that all animals, including humans, have biological systems for self-protection, you’ll understand that you cannot manage these instinctive biological responses.

[03:44] – Weston Jolly
These include our eyelids, designed to protect our eyes, our skin, which envelops the entire body to maintain integrity, our nose, which filters impurities from the air, and our liver and kidneys that function to protect us and ensure safety.

[04:11] – Weston Jolly
If you think you can manage fear, consider the act of someone blowing air into your eyes. Trying to control your instinctive blink response is biologically impossible, regardless of your intentions.

[04:41] – Weston Jolly
When your brain’s amygdala perceives a threat, it reacts instinctively. The prefrontal cortex assesses whether the threat is real or how serious it is. Meanwhile, the hippocampus stores related memories, allowing us to draw on past experiences when future threats are perceived.

[05:14] – Weston Jolly
This creates a cycle of fear, sometimes about things we may not genuinely fear. Understanding your body’s protective design demonstrates the futility of trying to control fear or anxiety.

Fear and Anxiety: The What If?

[05:40] – Weston Jolly
Let’s clarify what anxiety is. Anxiety is the fear of an anticipated threat. It arises from the hippocampus, drawing on past memories to project future fears. Think of anxiety as stemming from the two words, “What if?”

[06:16] – Weston Jolly
For example, consider getting on a plane.

[06:20] – Weston Jolly
What if the plane is late?
What if I can’t find a seat?
What if I miss my flight?
What if ticket prices go up?
What if I have to sit next to an unpleasant person?

[06:40] – Weston Jolly
Those “what ifs” encapsulate the very nature of anxiety. It’s essential to recognize that you can’t control fear any more than you can control anxiety, but you can choose to observe them. Observing our fears or anxieties can be a transformative experience, yet it’s something we often neglect.

[07:05] – Weston Jolly
Instead, we allow our brains to cycle through fears, often stuffing them into a metaphorical trash can until they grow overwhelming. It’s crucial to understand that approximately 90% of our fears never come to fruition.

[07:29] – Weston Jolly
So, even from a probability standpoint, trying to manage fear is ultimately a waste of time. I’m not sure I can emphasize enough how much energy we expend trying to protect ourselves from threats that are unlikely to occur. Just as it’s biologically futile to try to control your blinking reflex, the same applies to managing fear.

Getting Free of Fear

[07:57] – Weston Jolly
When we engage our primitive, reptilian brain—the part responsible for basic survival functions such as fear—it’s easy to feel stuck. This part of our brain activates the sympathetic nervous system, triggering our familiar fight-or-flight response.

[08:22] – Weston Jolly
Our endocrine system releases adrenaline and cortisol into our bodies, preparing us for an anticipated threat. This includes norepinephrine, which heightens our alertness and prepares our motor reflexes. You’ve likely experienced this when, for instance, a car backfires unexpectedly, causing you to startle.

[08:48] – Weston Jolly
This is known as the startle reflex. Your body moves into high alert mode—your senses are keenly tuned to possible threats, which is even more pronounced in highly sensitive individuals.

[09:13] – Weston Jolly
It’s crucial to grasp that you cannot control fear. This realization can be liberating. Now let’s discuss what you can do about fear and anxiety. Starting with the obvious: if over 90% of your fears are unfounded, then facing that thought directly—and acknowledging that anxiety often accompanies this fear—can simplify your understanding of what you are dealing with.

Transformative Power of Facing a Fear

[09:47] – Weston Jolly
Recognizing that many fears and anxieties are derivative of non-real threats can be intellectually enlightening. However, it may not feel easy in practice.

[10:05] – Weston Jolly
It can be straightforward to talk about, but when fear manifests physically in your body, shaking it off isn’t always simple. Let’s do a little experiment to help dislodge that fear from your system.

[10:27] – Weston Jolly
I want you to take a fear—any fear you might have—and visualize it as if it’s on a table before you. Really focus on it. Now, affirm out loud, “I don’t believe in fear.” Acknowledge that fear is present, observe it, but reinforce that statement: “I don’t believe in fear.”

[11:09] – Weston Jolly
It’s remarkable how transformative that simple declaration can be, helping you recognize that you don’t have to be bound by something that isn’t real. This is the power of the statement, “I don’t believe in fear.”

[11:25] – Weston Jolly
Personally, this realization offered a significant opportunity for growth and effectiveness in handling my own fears. Since both our brains struggle to differentiate between real and false fears, why should we believe in anything less than the truth?

The Importance of Observation

[11:55] – Weston Jolly
In a deeper analysis, it’s fascinating how the body operates—it cannot discern if a fear is valid or not. For example, consider a barking dog. Your brain might react instinctively, alerting you without requiring conscious thought. Your biological reflexes kick in automatically.

[12:31] – Weston Jolly
When you choose to observe “I don’t believe in fear,” it interrupts that automatic fight-or-flight response. It’s akin to recognizing invalid data in a computer program, rendering it irrelevant—pretty cool, right?

[12:52] – Weston Jolly
Now, I urge you to notice your mind before it spirals into the fear response. Your body is designed to engage perfectly with biological fears, but you can get ahead of this.

[13:09] – Weston Jolly
If you affirm that you don’t believe in fear, even when your body sends alarm signals, you can opt not to react. By setting this intention beforehand, you prepare your mind to handle fear without giving in to it.

Change This One Belief and Fear Dies

[13:34] – Weston Jolly
It’s also essential to honor the fact that our beliefs are confined to our earthly experience. Every belief you hold—every single one—will cease to exist when you die.

[14:16] – Weston Jolly
It’s an intriguing thought, and it is absolutely true. If you’re wondering what endures after you die, it’s your beliefs that vanish, but what remains is the truth. However, don’t confuse your perception of truth—your interpretation of it—with the actual definition of truth.

[14:43] – Weston Jolly
The definition of truth is simple: Truth is. It is eternal and never changes. This is different from holding a belief. Our brains cannot distinguish between what is real and what is not. When we tell our brains that a belief or thought isn’t real, it changes how we process fear.

[15:12] – Weston Jolly
You might think, “Doesn’t that invalidate my ability to feel fear when a real threat is present?” No, it won’t. It simply means that by acknowledging that more than 90% of your fears aren’t real, you can adjust your mindset and free yourself from unnecessary processing of those fears.

[16:01] – Weston Jolly
When I say “facing a fear,” I mean engaging with it fully, not just glancing at it. Sit down with your fear; allow yourself to feel it and observe what you can see and experience.

Fear is Subject To Love

[16:20] – Weston Jolly
Often, our fears stem from past experiences. But remember this significant insight: fear cannot coexist with love.

[18:20] – Weston Jolly
This is vital to understanding the interplay between fear and love. You must choose which to engage with; choosing love effectively eliminates fear.

[18:38] – Weston Jolly
Let’s take a fear perceived as genuine, like the fear of dogs, as an example of how fear cannot coexist with love.

[18:52] – Weston Jolly
For instance, dogs can bite, and that fear can feel very real. If someone offers comfort, such as holding your hand while a dog is barking, your first reaction might be defensive.

[19:32] – Weston Jolly
However, if we observe the dog, we discover that, according to dog training expert Cesar Millan, dogs are incredibly sensitive; they can smell emotions from miles away.

[19:59] – Weston Jolly
So, if you’re afraid of a barking dog, it may be reacting to your fear.

[20:11] – Weston Jolly
This exemplifies the law of attraction: if you project fear, the dog senses it and responds accordingly. That’s an important observation.

[20:34] – Weston Jolly
Now, let’s consider a different approach. If a barking dog appears aggressive but you respond with love, you create a different atmosphere. This holds true not only for dogs but for many animals, which can sense your openness.

[21:18] – Weston Jolly
I want to share an unexpected event that illustrates this point. My family and I traveled to Colorado, where they supported my speaking engagement. On our return trip, we stopped at a hotel in the middle of nowhere, and I heard some noise outside.

[21:35] – Weston Jolly
I went out to investigate without shoes or a flashlight, trying to locate the source of the sound, which seemed to come from right outside our ground floor room in a remote area.

[ 22:10] – Weston Jolly
As I stepped outside in the dark, I caught a glimpse of a deer standing nearby, looking directly at me.

[22:35] – Weston Jolly
I smiled internally and began to communicate with the deer, wanting it to feel safe and know that I posed no threat. To my surprise, the deer relaxed, which is unusual for wild animals, especially deer.

[23:01] – Weston Jolly
This deer even lowered itself onto its knees, appearing to settle down. The noise we heard in our hotel room had come from this interaction as the deer was preparing to sleep while I stood about 15 feet away.

[23:25] – Weston Jolly
Unbeknownst to me, my teenage son, curious about where I had gone, approached noisily from behind me. As the deer stood up, alert to this new sound, I reassured it, saying, “Listen, that’s just my son. He’s a teenager and a bit clumsy.”

[23:51] – Weston Jolly
To my amazement, the deer seemed to understand and responded as if it were sharing the sentiment: “Me too.” It was a remarkable moment, as I was communicating out loud for my son to hear, observing the deer become calm again.

[24:14] – Weston Jolly
At that point, the deer confidently walked away, leaving us without any fear. This wasn’t merely an extraordinary experience; it exemplifies that such interactions are possible for everyone.

[24:34] – Weston Jolly
This highlights the futility of trying to manage fears or anxieties that we perceive as real. Instead, remember that love and fear cannot coexist. If we choose to live in a state of love, it transforms everything, altering the energy in any situation.

[25:10] – Weston Jolly
Fear and love are incompatible. Right now, we see an overwhelming amount of fear being pushed onto us through social media, news, and politics.

[25:40] – Weston Jolly
This brings me to a fear I’ve faced recently, one I’ve avoided for 30 years! In fact, I’m hosting a live broadcast on Facebook titled, “I’m in the Midst of Addressing One of My Biggest Fears, and This is What I’ve Learned So Far.” If you missed it, you can find it on my website.

[25:57] – Weston Jolly
During this live presentation, I’ll candidly share my journey confronting a long-held fear. What I’m discussing here is just a part of that experience.

[26:20] – Weston Jolly
Let me leave you with this important thought: if you hold onto fear, whether consciously or unconsciously, it directly impacts your ability to give and receive love, create, and participate fully in life.

[26:28] – Weston Jolly
Fear can hinder your health and absolutely affects your spiritual connection. If you choose to live in a state of fear, it will close you off from love, openness, and the well-being you seek.

[26:28] – Weston Jolly
Fear directly impacts your health and significantly affects your spiritual connection. Let me reiterate: if you choose to live in a state of fear, it will close you off from love, health, openness, and your spiritual connection.

[26:54] – Weston Jolly
Many of us are currently faced with the need to confront our fears. This isn’t a new phenomenon, but we may be reaching a climactic point in this process. Thank you for joining me today. I am grateful to share this message with you on True Connections with Weston Jolly as we elevate our awareness and deepen our understanding of what fear is—and what it is not.

[27:22] – Weston Jolly
By the way, I didn’t mention this earlier, but it’s important to say now: the reason we assert that fear is not something to believe in is that fear is, in essence, an illusion. It’s an illusion on this plane; it’s not something you carry with you into other realms. You might remember fears from past lives, which can arise from time to time, but we need to address those as well.

[27:48] – Weston Jolly
If fear isn’t real, then even holding onto that memory—whether from this life or previous lifetimes—doesn’t need to restrict or limit us. It shouldn’t prevent us from expressing the profound love that we inherently are. If we understand that love and fear are incompatible, that they cannot coexist, and that fear is ultimately an illusion, then choosing to exist in a state of love transcends any fear we might encounter.

[28:16] – Weston Jolly
There’s so much more to explore on this topic, and I can’t wait for you to join me again on True Connections with Weston Jolly. I’m thankful that you’re beginning to release your belief in fear and embracing the truth that love is real and, ultimately, love prevails.

 

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