Author and estate planning expert Mark Shiller shares how to leave wealth to your kids and prepare them for success

Is there a sweet spot in leaving wealth to the next generation? In this week’s episode of Retirement Revealed I had the pleasure of speaking with Mark Shiller, a lawyer, author and estate planning expert with nearly 30 years of experience.

Let’s dive into some of the key takeaways and strategies Mark shared and how you can utilize them to leave a legacy you can be proud of.

What’s the Real Goal of an Estate Plan?

When most people think about estate planning, their minds immediately jump to documents: wills, trusts, and so on. But as Mark emphasized, estate planning isn’t just about signing paperwork. It’s about the legacy you’re leaving and the impact your wealth will have on your children, grandchildren, and beyond.

Mark shared a profound metaphor from his book: “The purpose of apple trees isn’t just to make apples; it’s to grow more apple trees.” In the same way, your goal as a parent or grandparent isn’t merely to provide money but to nurture strong, independent individuals who can carry forward your values and create their own legacies.

Avoiding the Danger Zone

One of the standout moments in our discussion was Mark’s concept of the “danger zone.” This refers to a critical period in a person’s life, often between their late teens and early 30s, when they’re still figuring out who they are, establishing careers, and forming relationships. It’s during this stage that an inheritance—especially a large one—can be most destabilizing.

Think about it: if a 19-year-old receives $500,000, the odds of that money being used wisely are slim. But that same amount handed to a 73-year-old is far less likely to create problems. Why? Because maturity, life experience, and financial responsibility take time to develop.

As parents, we often wrestle with wanting to provide for our children but also fearing that too much too soon could harm them. Mark pointed out that it’s crucial to leave room for growth and “the good” when designing your estate plan. Your kids might struggle at 23, but they could thrive at 33. Your plan needs to account for that growth.

Raising Adults, Not Children

Another valuable takeaway was the reminder that we’re not raising children—we’re raising future adults. Mark and his wife embraced this mindset as they parented their now-grown kids. By gradually giving your children responsibility, you’re helping them build the skills they’ll need to navigate adulthood successfully.

Mark stressed the importance of modeling healthy behaviors around wealth. Your children learn from how you manage money, talk about it, and integrate it into your life. If you’re consumed by anxiety over finances or overly controlling, that attitude can spill over into your kids’ financial lives. Conversely, demonstrating a balanced approach helps instill confidence and independence.

The Warren Buffett Rule

Mark also shared Warren Buffett’s famous quote about inheritance: ‘Leave your kids so much that they feel they can do anything, but not so much that they can do nothing.’

It’s a powerful reminder to strike a balance. Too little support might leave your kids struggling, while too much could rob them of the drive to achieve their own goals. It’s also worth reflecting on what your relationship with wealth says about you. Are you holding on to your assets too tightly out of fear? Or are you using your resources to foster growth and opportunity for the next generation?

Flexibility and Communication

Estate plans shouldn’t be rigid. Mark noted that many families default to standard structures like releasing inheritances in installments at ages 25, 30, and 35. While this approach is common, it’s not always effective. Life circumstances can change, and what seems appropriate at one point might not suit the future.

Open communication is key. Talk to your family about your plans, values, and expectations. Addressing potential conflicts—like naming one sibling as a trustee over another’s inheritance—can save years of heartache and strained relationships. As Mark wisely advised, “Don’t make all your decisions based on fear. Leave room for the good.”

Building a Lasting Legacy

At its core, estate planning is about creating a legacy that extends beyond money. It’s about fostering independence, instilling values, and setting your family up for long-term success. By thinking carefully about the timing, structure, and intentions behind your estate plan, you can help ensure your wealth supports rather than hinders your loved ones.

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Additional Links:

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• www.markshiller.com
  
• Certus Legal Group – Mark Shiller
  
• “How to Not Ruin Your Kids With Money” by Mark Shiller
  
• “Little Book of Estate Planning” by Mark Shiller
  
• “The Cost of Avoiding Conversations: How Estate Planning Can Save Your Family Heartache” – Retirement Revealed Episode 220, David Edey
  

Connect With Jeremy Keil:

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• Keil Financial Partners
  
• LinkedIn: Jeremy Keil
  
• Facebook: Jeremy Keil
  
• LinkedIn: Keil Financial Partners
  
• YouTube: Retirement Revealed
  
• Book an Intro Call with Jeremy’s Team
  

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