Stress management, especially around academic work, differences between
expectations of PhD students in Japan and the US, and the culture of academia
and stress.

Transcript

K: So lately I’ve been thinking about stress management and my PhD and how
bad I suck at it.

C: What could have brought that on?

K: (laughs) So, every round of feedback, I just get so stressed out. As soon
as I turn it in for review by anybody, it sends me through the roof. And I
think that.. I don’t know what it actually – I don’t know what to think. I
really, I need to do something to get a handle on it.  It’s just – it
can’t go on this way. I can’t do another couple years this way. It’s not
tenable. 

C: Well, I think it’s – it’s always difficult to be judged if you care about
the opinion of the person judging you.

K: Yes.

C: And you have to care about the opinion. And not only do you have to care
about the opinion, you have to do something about it.

K: Yes. Maybe that’s part of why I’m so stressed out because I super respect
my chair. And I super, super like them.

C: Yeah.

K: I don’t really know my co-chair, but we’ve talked about it on other
episodes where – at least, I think we have. Because I courted my chair before
they agreed to be my chair for two years.

C: Right.

K: And so that created a lot of intimacy between the two of us because I was
writing them once every – once or twice every two or three months, and there
were some months where I was writing them once a month. And I think when I’m
discussing my relationship with my chair, I don’t discuss above and beyond they
went for me because under the rules of the university – 1; I’m not in- so, my
PhD is in general psychology. And my chair is the head of all of psychology but
also is from the school of social psychology.

C: Right.

K: So just on the strength that they’re from the school of social
psychology, they had the right to turn me down.

C: Yes.

K: There was no expectation that they would take me. So that was one thing
that made me feel super honored. The fact that they’re the head of the
psychology department means that they don’t have to mentor anyone, and they’re
super, super selective. I think they only ever have three at a time. And so…
for me to be able to get them, I had to know the month – to the month when I
was going to start the formal – so, at my school, there’s pre-courses that you
have to take, then there’s the formal dissertation course shell that you have
to go in because I’m doing it distance learning. So, I was sending them running
updates of when I would be entering the dissertation course shell. So I had to
do that, and they told me – and then this is so kooky, and it sounds so
romantic. We met in Paris. (laughs)

C: Yes, so you’ve met them in person. 

K: Yeah. So, we went to – for my school, we had to do residencies, and
residencies are basically intensive courses – it’s a conference basically. And
I have to attend four conferences to get my PhD. And conference one, residency
one, is where I met my chair. And out of everybody there, my chair was the only
person I felt could even come close to possibly being my person to be my chair.
And then, by fluke, by accident, I had signed up for an advising session with
them. And that just felt like kismet to me. Like it was destiny, like it was
meant to be. And I asked them during the thing, and I made up my topic on the
fly – because they were like “what’s your topic?” Because I’m like “would you
be my chair” – “what’s your topic” I made it up on the fly. And they – we
stepped outside, and we talked about it. And they were like “okay, here’s an
article for you to read, let’s talk about it tomorrow.” And I read the article,
we talked about it tomorrow, and they said, “I will agree to consider you.”

C: Mhm.