What does it even mean to be an ally? We don’t know, but we have opinions.
With surprisingly few digressions, this is a focused conversation about allies,
both real and aspirational.

Transcript

K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about allyship.

C: That ship sinks on a lot of people.

K: (laughs) I should not be laughing at that. I am only encouraging you. I
am only encouraging you. Oh my gosh. That is so funny.

C: You always encourage me. You are an ally in my humor development.

K: (laughs) Yes. I am your humor ally. So, the reason I’ve been thinking
about allyship is because a lot of things come up in topics with clients. And a
lot of times a client will think they’re an ally or somebody on social media
will think that they’re my ally or your ally, and you have an interesting take
on people who call themselves allies.

C: Yeah, I think that it’s like calling yourself not a racist. “I am not a
racist.” It’s a defensiveness. 

K: Yeah.

C: And I think there are other words that some people will view that way,
like feminist and things. I don’t view feminists in that way.

K: I think feminist is an awesome word. I’m a feminist. 

C: Right. So I think there are certain words that are still highly
political. Like ally is always going to be political because it is about politics.
That you can apply to yourself. And I just don’t feel like ally is one of
them. 

K: I feel like if you’re an ally, you don’t need to say it. Show it, don’t
say it. 

C: Right. 

K: Although, I forget who – I think it was Courtney Act – okay, so I’m a huge
Ru Paul’s Drag Race fan, which you guys already know. I really enjoy drag
queens. I support local queens. I don’t just watch Drag Race. I’ve been going
to drag shows since, like, whoa, before Drag Race was even a thing. I’ve been
going to drag shows since before Ru Paul’s hit song Supermodel had come out, so
I really really support the art of drag. Love drag kings, love drag queens. And
Courtney Act, like, gosh I want to say maybe a year ago had a really cool,
interesting tweet about what an ally does. And they listed the number one thing
an ally does is listen. 

C: Mhm.

K: and I always loved that, and I don’t agree with everything – I don’t
agree with all of Shane’s – that’s Courtney’s boy name – political positions,
but I do agree with that. That an ally should always start with listening
because my lived experience – I find a lot of people want to be my ally without
ever hearing what my lived experience is, and so how can you support me if you
don’t know what support I need? What support I would actually value?

C: Yeah, I think that’s the issue for me in people calling themselves an
ally is what’s your purpose in doing that?

K: Yeah, what are you on?

C: Yeah. Why say that. Because if you tell somebody you’re trying to help
and an ally, I see it so often related to disability stuff. That they’re like
“I’m an ally, therefore I should get a pass on this behavior that I’m being
called out on” or “I’m an ally therefore I don’t have to bother to put in the
work to understand things “ or “I’m an ally therefore I should be able to just
go and do this thing in your name.” 

K: Yeah. And – so, I don’t – so, I’m cisgender, but I want to support all of
our trans siblings, and the first time I said that I said I want to support all
of our trans brother and sisters, and you corrected me, and I took that
correction. And so for me, I think of myself as wanting to use the privilege of
being cisgender to raise voices on the gender topic because I have what’s
considered “typical” and “socially acceptable” – widely as socially acceptable
– gender definition. Like, I identify as she/her, and I have breasts, and I
have a vagina, and therefore the whole world understands when I say I’