The Dating Show

The Dating Show


The Dating Show July 2014 - Decisions

July 16, 2014

R: In this edition of the Dating Show we’re talking about decisions and also instant attraction. Any thoughts on that Debbie before we hear from a life coach and psychologist?


D: Instant attraction? It’s very common, isn’t it? My Dad saw my Mum in a fairground and he was instantly attracted to her and thought was the woman he wanted to marry. He did go on and do that, but they were about the least compatible people you could imagine. However, it was good for me they got together!


R: Why was it good for you?


D: Rod…


R: Oh yeah, I’m with you! So your Mum was in a fairground? What was she doing? Was she doing the goldfish?


D: She was at the fairground enjoying herself.


R: Oh! I thought she was at work. I thought she was part of the travelling community.


D: No, she wasn’t, no!


R: Now anyway, a new poll shows that men are twice as likely to women to make a decision straight away. That’s according to a new survey of 2,000 people about their decision making skills. The research also found that over 40% of men make up their minds about a relationship sooner compared to less than a third of women. Now let’s hear from life coach and psychologist Cliff Arnall.


C: Whether we like it or not, we’re thinking all the time about, this assumes you’re happily with someone, you’re thinking about the kind of person you want in your life. Now there’s a lovely romantic element to that when men meet women, I’m just talking about heterosexual relationships here, 4 out of 10 on the same day go this is the woman I want to be with. It’s basically that a woman has matched what the guy has in his head and in his heart. The trouble when people meet is that they’re not the person who they really are. They wear masks, they give good impressions, favourable impressions and the number of stories I hear every day of someone who’s behaved themselves for the first three to six months, and then they can’t sustain it any more and then they become their real self. It’s a lovely thing but I want to add a big word of caution really to those men, and to some extent the women as well. Watch out, let your guard be involved in the decision as well as your heart.


M: In terms of decisions, what tips would you give? Maybe one tip for a man, and one tip for a woman? You’ve said caution for men…


C: For men, just to take a step back, slow down a little and consider the fact that there may be other options. For women, start bigging themselves up a little bit and increase their confidence to say you’ve done the thinking and you’ve gone through the scenarios many times, you don’t need to be 98, 99% sure. If you’re 80, 85%, that will be good enough. I would encourage women to take a few more risks, and I mean that in the proper sense. It’s not about being impulsive, but being more confident, being bolder. For men, it’s to back off from the rush and to consider the other options.


R: I think he’s dead right. Lie back and consider the options.


D: Consider the options? Do you have options, Rod?


R: I look at women and I go “Yes”, “No”.


D: -laughter-


R: Yes, yes, yes, YES!


D: -laughter- Sounds like a dance, quick, quick slow.


R: What do you think about what he said?


D: I think it’s cool, but I’ve heard psychologists say that we’re often attracted to the problems in the other person. They’re the gel with our own issues. Attraction is apparently a subconscious thing and is for the subconsciousness, familiarity is key.


R: I think he’s right about the gut decision.


D: OK.


R: When you’re making big decisions, you can’t always…


D: Unless you’ve had a curry or something?


R: Going back to your gut decision, it’s often right.


D: Do you think so?


R: I think so.


D: I’m not sure, I have to take a little bit more time to decide.


R: Do you normally listen to your gut decision about somebody? You go “I like them”, “I don’t like them” initially and then you change your mind or you don’t? Or do you tend to go back to your original decision?


D: It’s gone both ways. I’ve had a gut decision that I didn’t like somebody and then I learnt later than they were actually a very nice person. I’m afraid I’m stuck on the fence, I don’t know.


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