In the first edition of The Dating Show for June, we look at mental health, and we also focus on confidence, with Rod and Debbie speaking to a mental health nurse to get tips for keeping your mental health in shape and improving your confidence.

A full transcript of the show is below:

R: In this edition of the Dating Show, we’re talking about mental health and, in particular, confidence because when you’re internet dating you need to be confident. You don’t want to come across as a nervous, nerdy wreck, do you?

D: No, you have to be out there, brave and up front.

R: People love people who are confident.

D: Most attractive people are confident. You feel happy and positive around them. They are sure.

R: Do you think I’m confident?

D: Rod, you are ultimately confident, yes.

R: So you find me attractive?

-awkward silence-

D: Erm, yeah?

-laughter-

R: That’s putting you on the spot. We’ve got a mental health nurse, a lady called Angela Richardson is going to help us.

D: Oh great!

R: I’m joined now by Angela Richardson, who’s a mental health nurse. Hello Angela, how are you?

A: I’m fine, thank you!

R: Can I just start by asking if you find brains attractive?

-silence-

A: Attractive?

R: Do you find a man’s brain, or a woman’s brain, more attractive than say any other physical attribute as you’re working in mental health?

A: I don’t really think about it actually. I’m interested in brains and how they work, but I wouldn’t say I’m particularly attracted to brains.

R: Do you like somebody’s intellect? Is that an interest of yours?

A: It’s an interest of how people think, the views that they express and the emotions that they feel. They are all very interesting to me.

R: What advice can you give people for having a good mental health because on this show before, we’ve talked about the physical side of stuff, but mental health seems to get a bit neglected at times across the board. What advice can you give people?

A: There’s lots of things that you can do to maintain good mental health. One of them is keeping connected with others, with families, with friends. That’s really important. I think we’re generally social beings and relationships with families and friends add quality to our lives. We’re a society that puts a lot of value on success, doing well, working hard and sometimes we put our relationships on the back burner. So, one of the things that’s been proven is that if you keep social, then it does help your mental health, and it also keeps you mentally alert in later life, and it’s been linked to longevity so we shouldn’t really put our relationships on the back burner. We should go out and keep connected with people. So you should join that group you’ve always fancied joining, and don’t put off going to see your friends and family.

R: Are there other things you can do? Like diet or exercise, those sort of things, are they important to do to keep you sharp and keep you on the right track?

A: Definitely! Being active is a key part of keeping your brain healthy and also it helps your mood. It has been shown that it actually releases certain chemicals that improve your mood. Exercise also increases blood flow to the brain so you can help your brain function and it doesn’t have to be really vigorous, it’s actually just keeping active, going for a walk, going for a cycle, playing with your children, all of those things will keep your mental health and your brain functioning well. In some cases, exercise is prescribed as treatment for mild depression, so exercise is important.

R: Do you think many people do neglect their mental health?

A: I think they do, I don’t think people are putting a focus on their mental health, I think they get so tied up with work and other pressures in life that they don’t actually give time for themselves. One of the thing about promoting mental health is actually just taking time out, being mindful, and that’s being more aware of the present moment really, just taking some time out to be present and just to be.

R: People are listening to us who are internet dating at the moment, one of the things that they’ve got to have is confidence. How can people improve their confidence?

A: It’s building on what I just said really. It is doing things that improve your self esteem. It can be really helpful, so doing things that you’re good at and knowing what your strengths are and what your successes are. That will give you confidence. Recognising your insecurities is also important, as once you’ve identified them, you can either work on them or accept them as being part of you and try not to think of them as being bad, but move on. They’re probably just part of your personality and you have to live with them. Also, confidence is about expecting success. If you think things are not going to work out, then it’s often a self-fulfilling prophecy, you’ll actually underperform. So actually, if you’re meeting somebody for the first time, it’s about taking that positive attitude and getting some confidence, and positive recognition as well. So accepting, a compliment.

R: Have you ever been on these internet dating sites yourself?

A: I haven’t, no.

R: Well I have and you can get rejected by people. If people you don’t even know, you’ve got a photo on there and your write-up, you might wink at somebody and they don’t wink back, or they’ll send you a message saying they’re not interested – there is that rejection that a lot of people. That can be quite difficult to cope with. What tips can you give us on that?

A: Don’t take it personally! It might not be about you, it might be saying something about them. We often automatically think there’s something wrong with us if we’re rejected, but it could be that person, it might be life could be too complicated for them, they might have their own insecurities, so it’s not always about you.

R: That was Angela Richardson. Now, she’s really helped me there about rejection, because on the dating sites, one lady came back to me and messaged me saying “I’m just not interested.”

-laughter-

R: I was floored for about two or three days. I didn’t even go online, I couldn’t even look at a computer, but then she did come back to me and we did meet up and we got on.

D: Did she reject you again?

R: No…

D: Ooh!

R: Anyway…

D: -laughter- Angela mentioned mindfulness, which is being totally present mentally where you are at this time and that’s one of the latest buzzwords, it’s everywhere. If you’re with somebody and they’re totally present and totally focused on you, that’s really flattering, really engaging. That would give you confidence, wouldn’t it? It’d make you enjoy that first date.

-silence-

R: Sorry, what were you saying?

-laughter-

D: Hey Rod! Thank you…

-music-

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