The Most Absurd World Records You Never Knew Existed

Ever wonder who holds the record for balancing a running lawnmower on their chin? Neither had we, until this week’s episode. Marlo and Mary dove headfirst into the weird world of record-breaking achievements, and folks, it’s even stranger than we imagined.

Did You Know People PAY to Break Records?

Before we get into the truly bizarre stuff, here’s something that blew our minds: people actually pay thousands of dollars to have their record attempts certified. That’s right – somebody paid actual money to have someone watch them stack M&Ms. Speaking of which…

Seven M&Ms: The Stack That Shocked Mary

When Mary confessed she couldn’t even stack two M&Ms, we knew we were in for a treat. The current record? Seven M&Ms stacked on top of each other. No glue, no tricks, just pure M&M-stacking dedication. As Mary put it, “I can’t get two to stay on top of each other. I can’t imagine anything more than that!”

The T-Shirt Champion of Ontario

Picture wearing 260 t-shirts at once. Now picture paying someone to watch you do it. Ted Hastings from Ontario did exactly that, requiring special order shirts up to size 20XL. His description? “Generally awful.” But hey, he raised $11,000 for a playground, so we’ll call that a win!

High Heels at High Speed

Remember Usain Bolt’s 100-meter sprint record of 9.58 seconds? Now imagine running that same distance in stilettos. Someone did it in 12.82 seconds – just 3.24 seconds slower than Bolt’s record. Mary’s response? “I’m already in pain just thinking about it.”

Other Mind-Bending Records We Covered:

• A man who broke 51 watermelons with his head in one minute
  
• 125 scoops of ice cream balanced on a single cone
  
• Fingernails measuring almost 43 feet combined
  
• Breaking 46 wooden toilet seats with your head in 60 seconds (because… why not?)
  

The Stories Behind the Strange

What makes these records truly fascinating isn’t just the bizarre achievements – it’s the stories behind them. From a teacher’s scolding leading to 66 years of nail growth to a tribute to a lost loved one, these seemingly absurd accomplishments often have surprisingly touching origins.

Want to Break a Record with The Absurdists?

We’re cooking up something special. Marlo and Mary are contemplating setting their own world record with our listeners. Stay tuned for what might be the most absurd group achievement yet!

Keep it Absurd

As Marlo always says, “Stay Absurd, Everybody!” And if you’re thinking about breaking any of these records, maybe start with stacking two M&Ms before moving on to the running lawnmower balancing act.

Listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast platform, and don’t forget to follow us for more weekly doses of absurdity.

Fun Fact: During the recording of this episode, Marlo revealed he holds four world records himself – though thankfully none involve balancing lawn equipment on any body parts!