Realistic Holiday Expectations- Special Replay

The Homeschool Highschool Podcast

Realistic Holiday Expectations- Special Replay

December 24, 2024

This week on Homeschool Highschool Podcast: Realistic Holiday Expectations- Special Replay.

Realistic Holiday Expectations

Ahhh, it’s Christmas Eve!

The Yule log glowing in a Christmas fireplace. Children, dressed in Christmas finery gathered neatly about as they listen enraptured to their grandparents recall family holiday memories. Christmas music plays softly in the background. All the gifts are wrapped. All the decorations are neatly in place. Everyone is enjoying a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows and spices…

Okay, enough of that. Let’s talk about REALISTIC holiday expectations so that you don’t break your heart or get snookered by the myth of perfection this Christmas.

Join Sabrina, Kym and Vicki while we have a fun, encouraging chat about realistic holiday expectations.

Let’s start out with how to make a wonderful idea gone awry into a funny story!

Yep, that is the best thing you can do when the best laid plans of moms and men gang aft a-gley! Why weep or get angry. Look for a way to take a breath and predict some laughing.

For instance:

Kym tells the story of the Christmas when the turkey wouldn’t thaw.
Sabrina shares about the crock pot ham cooked for twelve hours on high (accidentally).
Vicki tells about going into labor when she leaned over to put the turkey into the oven.

We imagine most folks have some stories that are funny now but were unexpected at the moment! Look for the laugh as quickly as you can.

Different Christmas-love languages!

We all have different Christmas-love languages. Let’s talk about six different people and their expectations for Christmas based on their Christmas-love languages (or lack thereof).

Sophie: the gift giver and receiver

Sophie loves everything about gift giving- from choosing gifts to wrapping them while Christmas music wafts through the air. She also love the joyful moments of receiving gifts, as well. Sophie LOVES Christmas and the gifts!

Bertha: the hustle and bustle mom

Bertha also loves Christmas! Especially all the special events and activities. The choirs and teas and parades and movie and gardens! She especially loves the family events. Bertha’s Christmas-love language is hustle and bustle!

Matthew: the tradition keeper

Matthew is a Christmas guy! He loves the traditions of Christmas and the quality time with families. Matthew treasures those family rituals that he can predict will happen each Christmas. Matthew’s Christmas-love language is traditions.

But also, there’s not ONE right way to do Christmas!

So, let’s look at the relative who have other Christmas-love languages.

Maria: doesn’t mean to be a Scrooge, but she’s exhausted. She could use a little peace.

Maria has a really full life- homeschooling the kids, working a side job, caregiving her aged parents, struggling to make ends meet. She feels overwhelmed with all the extra Christmas She loves Jesus, her family and her life, but the expectations of Christmas leave her feeling tired. Maria’s Christmas-love language is: I could use a little peace.

Scott: he’s financially taxed. He could use a little Christmas people-giving-him-pass-on-the-presents

Scott actually claims that he’s not a Christmas person! However, what he really means is that the unexpected and long-term financial strains he’s been through have left him broke. Scott loves his gift-giving cousin, Sophie, but feels bad because he can’t reciprocate. (He even feels bad receiving gifts because he can’t give this year.) Scott’s Christmas-love language is: People giving him a pass on the presents.

Deloris: She’s going through grief

Deloris feels sad at Christmas. She had a really tough Christmas season a few years ago. The losses that year were so sad and traumatic, that her body triggers sadness every year at Christmas. Deloris’ Christmas-love language is: sit with me and listen nonjudgmentally and don’t expect “happy Christmas” from me this year.

Of course, this isn’t an exhaustive list of Christmas-love languages. What would you say is yours?

How to handle your own Christmas-love languages and holiday expectations

We can identify our own Christmas-love languages and clarify what we think we are expecting. Then we can make decisions that make the most of the holidays by adjusting our expectations in a realistic way!

Not only that, if we admit that we all have different Christmas-love languages and holiday expectations, we can also be open to clarifying those of our family members, too! This is a great idea when it comes to homeschooling high school.

Kym talks about their annual cookie-baking day. Her teens complained that cookie day can easily become a production line rather than an interpersonal, fun day.

What is the eternal value of this?

Talk about expectations with your teens

Teens’ tend to be busy. It’s a good idea to talk together with them to clarify their needs, schedules, and wants. Come to agreement on what to expect for this holiday season.

For instance, if you have a Bertha, who loves the activities, but there’s not time for everything, talk about things. Give some extras to Bertha but set boundaries where you must. It helps to ask for everyone’s top three wishes, then see if you can make some or most of those happen.

Sabrina’s family is a blended family with a husband on shift work. It took a while to figure out how to get everyone together for the holidays. The family talked together and came up with a later date for their family celebration time. They call it: Merry NewYearsMass.

Grandparents, parents and family-story traditions

When families get together, it’s not uncommon for the older generations to fall into “remember-when” stories. Teens sometimes get tired of hearing the same stories over and over. Lots of older people are Christmas-love traditionalists.

Give your teens some holiday social skills for patient and polite listening. It will help them grow stronger… AND one idea you can give them. Have them jot down one of their grandparents’ stories. Then use 7Sisters Holiday Family Narrative Guide to create an amusing short story (and one of the annual required English/Language Arts papers).

Remember the culture of the group

In other words, notice the different Christmas-love languages in your family and friends! Teach teens to be kind and patient with other Christmas-love languages and cultures.

Help teens plan ahead for irritating moments. Give them these ideas:

Be slow to take offense.
Look at the eternal value. Will this matter in twenty years?
- As Kym says: Learn to be a duck, not a doormat.
Is it important to argue now? Is this the time?

Beware of HALT

In the holidays, schedules are hectic and weird, and food is different. People will at some point everyone will hit HALT:

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

If you’re in HALT, things will NOT go well.

Be flexible and keep your expectations of others VERY small

Model a grateful heart for your teens. Be happy for what goes well but don’t worship traditions. Don’t micromanage others or be grumpy if they don’t want to do things your way.

Let go of the idea of a “perfect Christmas”. There’s really no such thing in real life! When you set realistic expectations for the holidays, you and yours will be happier!

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