We have to come up with some standards of what good listening is and bad listening is. When you listen using power listening, you are giving the other person both visual as well as auditory cues that you are listening to them.

Asking good questions is asking questions that provoke the other person to respond in a way that you can listen to them. Asking a question not only says that we want the information the person has but it shows that we are generally interested in the other person. Asking questions gives the conversation a place to start from and also points in the direction the conversation should go.

Mirroring is the use of body language to convey that you are following along with a person. Put down your cell phones and look people in the eyes. You cannot mirror somebody if you are not looking at them. Mirroring is showing someone in live time that you are paying attention to what they are saying.

Paraphrasing means that you are taking what somebody has said and translating it into your own words and then repeating it back. Paraphrasing shows that, not only have you been paying attention, but you are also internalizing the story that the person is telling you. Paraphrasing is a second source of feedback.

When you probe you try to calculate in your head what the other person's response might be to the question that you asked. Probing is dangerous because when you probe you are opening up a can of worms. When you probe you have to be willing and able to dig into whatever it is that you get yourself into.

In order for you to get people to do things you want, you need to be willing and able to demonstrate flawlessly what it is that you are looking for. The listening that you get is equal to the listening that you give at best.

The question should not be, "how do we get people to listen to us?"

The question should be, "how can we demonstrate good listening?"