October 8, 2024

The X-Podcast: Real Conversations About Mental Health

A Conversation About: Amateur Therapy-Speak and Mental Health

Episode #34

In this episode the X-Podcast team discusses amateur therapy-speak that has become prolific on social media and in day to day conversations. They define what therapy-speak is and its pros and cons. Once known as psychobabble it has now become the go-to with non clinicians. They discuss how there has been a dramatic increase in ‘therapy speak,’ since the pandemic started in 2020 as the amount of time people have been on social media has increased exponentially.

Host Xiomara A. Sosa, and co-hosts Kirsten Johnson and JRoc have a relatable and lively discussion about this topic and share some of their personal life experiences with it. 

What is  Therapy-Speak?

Radio hosts, social media, Facebook, TickTock, etc. are NOT your therapist/counselors/mental health clinicians, or relationship/marriage counselors. 

Therapy-speak is the new lingo for everyone, especially online, referring to mental health-related terms. 

It is a vocabulary for defining the ways we relate to each other and with ourselves. The pursuit of self-care that has now inadvertently become counter-productive. 

Self-proclaimed online mental health and relationship experts.

“TikTokified psychobabble” Esther Perel

Therapy-speak is what we used to call psychobabble—it’s a new word for an old concept.

Therapy speak is becoming more common outside of clinical conversations.

The shift represents a positive emphasis on mental health, but it may also have negative implications.

When people incorrectly use words and phrases used to describe mental health phenomena, it can cause a breakdown in communication.

Conversations about mental health have thrived on social media platforms. Phrases used mostly in mental health clinicians’ offices (known as “therapy speak”) are now heard in casual conversations with friends, family members, and coworkers.

Dramatic increase in ‘therapy speak,’  since the pandemic started. The amount of time people have been on social media has increased exponentially,” Susan Albers-Bowling, PsyD, a psychologist at Cleveland Clinic. 

Seems like everyone’s in therapy now, or, at least, speaking as if they are, without actually being in therapy. Just acting as if. 

Especially on platforms like TikTok, and Facebook, but also on radio and on TV. 

I see it in lots of group chats. There’s a popular book and suddenly everyone’s an expert with a book club about it. (  The Body Keeps the Score.)

Mainstreamed mental health awareness. Trauma seems to be the current flavor of the month online. 

The conversation about mental health now has a more appropriate narrative and that is that therapy is not for “the crazies” (not a cool word to be using) so that in itself is a positive thing. 

It used to be that we never spoke of anything related to going to therapy,  back in the day. 

Now it’s a sign of being an evolved and self-aware person. We consider ourselves to be reflective, deep, and self-aware. 

But there's also a side to this new era that feels absurd and self-contradictory. Like people can be taking a shortcut for perception's sake.

This big trend focuses on what  “self-care” is. It is not indulgence or pampering and it costs nothing. Yet all this talk about self-care online is talking about the opposite of that. That is not self-care necessarily in the clinical world of mental health.  

It feels like this kind of aspect of it is making people even more isolated and alone because they keep the focus on the self and only the self. 

The focus is not on the mutuality and the reciprocity of our relationships. It doesn’t focus on people relying on each other. 

Of course, having a language around things related to mental health is important. It provides clarity and a common language for everyone. 

But there’s also a danger when the nuance of it is lost in the therapy-speak. Trying to elevate personal comments and personal experiences by invoking the higher authority of psychobabble.

Things are just automatically put up against what the DSM-5 says now about behaviors, attitudes, thinking, etc.

Instead of saying he’s an asshole, they now say he’s a narcissist. 

Instead of saying I’m overthinking, they now say I’m obsessing. 

Instead of saying they are sad, they say they’re depressed. 

Instead of saying she’s nervous, they say she has anxiety. 

Instead of saying I don’t like or agree with you, they say you’re gaslighting me and triggering me. 

A difference of opinion is now leveled up so they are impossible to have a conversation with. 

Labeling makes it so that they don’t have to deal with the person.  

It creates more and more isolation and fragmentation. That is not a good thing for the community and for the social good.

Labeling has infiltrated the way people relate to one another. 

This can be a positive shift because it shows people want to know these concepts and words.

So many benefits to being able to share experiences and have language.

As a therapist, it’s been intriguing and nice that people have been doing some of their research.

However, on the bad side, so many people are using clinical words and phrases the wrong way, which can be damaging. People are using these complex and nuanced terms in incorrect ways. This can come off as manipulative, invasive, out of line, and misinformed. 

Weaponizing it. Should not happen. Find other ways to express thoughts and feelings and not use clinical terms to say the same thing. 

It can be especially harmful when someone who is not qualified tries to diagnose another person with a mental health condition based on a limited understanding of that condition. 

I see people casually calling people narcissists because they’ve harmed someone. People just need to stop and step back from that. 

People are using these clinical words and phrases that have specific connotations within the world of mental health to stand in for everyday occurrences. 

If anyone is highly emotional, they are called bipolar. But people have learned that being emotional doesn’t mean having bipolar disorder. In time the terms being misused now will hopefully follow the same trajectory. 

It also puts clinical terminology into the hands of non clinically trained people who then weaponize it. There’s a reason we go to school for so many years and continue to be trained until we end our careers. We don’t know what we do not know, so we are forever in continuing education. 

There is value in and importance in a narrative that puts therapy is a highly relational, nuanced, and contextual conversation. That is very different from what you get on TikTok or IG or your friends in armchairs.

Therapy-speak phrases being used incorrectly or out of context.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a type of psychological manipulation. It often occurs in abusive intimate relationships and results in the victim questioning their perception or reality.2 An example, said Albers-Bowling, is one person convincing another that something—a fight, for instance—is all their fault.

But more recently, people have been hiding behind the term “gaslighting,” using it as a way to keep from reflecting on the role they played in a given dispute, Albers-Bowling said.

“It’s used incorrectly when it doesn’t allow someone to look at their behavior and gain insight from that,” she explained. “It’s easy to say, ‘You’re gaslighting me,’ and not take responsibility for your actions.”

Narcissism

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a specific diagnosis, said Puder. It is characterized by a need for admiration and a lack of empathy.3

But lately, many people online have been describing any behavior that seems rude as narcissistic, said Puder. “People use ‘narcissism’ broadly. That’s big right now, calling someone a ‘narcissist,’” he explained. “But I don’t think people understand how long-term and pervasive of a pattern [narcissistic behavior] is."

No one can deduce a diagnosis of NPD by watching a 60-second clip showing or summarizing another person's behavior. When the terms “narcissism” or “narcissistic” are used in these contexts, they’re speculative at best, said Puder.

Boundaries

“Boundaries is an interesting one because, on the one hand, we want people to set good boundaries,” said Albers-Bowling. This could mean speaking with your partner or friend about what you need or want at a given moment, and how that fits in with their current needs and wants.

But people are frequently ignoring that second piece of the puzzle and focusing only on their desires, said Albers-Bowling. “The piece that’s often missing is when you only set a boundary that takes yourself into account,” she said. Rather than a healthy communication strategy, she added, this can turn into a display of self-centeredness.

Trauma

The last few years have brought an increased focus on trauma, and with good reason: The pandemic created innumerable challenges. However, some have become fixated on the concept of trauma and how it fits or doesn’t fit into their own lives.

“Some of the ‘trauma’ [people are casually referring to] is often a normal experience,” Albers-Bowling said. As such, labeling those normal experiences as “traumatic” may make them more challenging to process, she added.

If someone is having a difficult time defining an incident that has had a significant impact on them, it might be helpful for them to speak with a licensed mental health professional who can help them work through their experience, Albers-Bowling said.

Attachment Styles

The psychological concept of attachment theory states that how you develop an attachment to your primary caregiver as a child could affect how you relate to others as an adult.4 Therefore, knowing your attachment style may help you work through certain relational challenges, said Albers-Bowling.

“Understanding your attachment style can be helpful,” she explained, adding that it can give you insights into how you date or parent. But your attachment style doesn’t always dictate your behavior, though many speak about it as if that’s the case.

Specifically, some people use their attachment style to justify certain behaviors, said Albers-Bowling: “It can provide an excuse.” An example could be, “I have an anxious attachment style, and therefore I ghost people,” she said, but the former doesn’t adequately serve as a reason for the latter.

People will read about attachment theory and then walk around with this specific identification as an avoidant, or an anxious, attachment type about themselves, their own relationships or the relationships other people are in. Not knowing all the criteria that go into those labels to make them pepper and appropriate. 

OCD

Like bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a clinical diagnosis, said Puder. It’s a chronic condition that causes a person to have uncontrollable, recurring thoughts and behaviors. (The thoughts are referred to as “obsessions,” while the behaviors make up the “compulsions” component of the diagnosis.)5

But, as with narcissism, many people refer to a single action or behavior as “OCD.” Oftentimes, Puder said, they’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but their use of the term leaves others to wonder, “Do you actually have OCD, or are you just having a moment?”

Referring to a certain set of behaviors as OCD without having been diagnosed with the condition isn’t just incorrect, Puder said: It can also stigmatize people who have the condition.

Self-care

The concept of self-care is simplistic. “Self-care is taking care of the basics: enough sleep, water—just paying attention to what you need,” Albers-Bowling said.

But in popular culture—especially on social media—the phrase is often used synonymously with socioeconomic privilege. “It can be a status symbol,” added Albers-Bowling. “It’s often associated with very expensive spa days, and having the time, money, and energy to do that reflects something.”

Despite contemporary portrayals of “self-care,” mental health experts use the term to help people determine how their basic needs can be met, Albers-Bowling said.

How to Navigate Therapy Speak in Important Conversations

When people incorporate these words into their everyday vocabulary, they’re not necessarily being malicious. “If someone is using a high number of these therapy terms, they might be in therapy, and it’s part of how they process,” Albers-Bowling said.

But for clarity’s sake, you may need to ask the person you’re speaking to what they mean when using these phrases. According to Puder, examples of those questions include: “How would you define what a narcissist is?” or “What do you mean by ‘attachment style?”

Albers-Bowling explained she often has to do this with patients during therapy sessions. “I always say, ‘Could you define what that means?’” she said. “Sometimes our definitions are very different from each other.”

Listen to this episode at https://blubrry.com/studio_talk_mental_health/

Website https://www.studiotalkpodcast.net/

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Instagram https://www.instagram.com/counselorxiomaraasosa/

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@thexpodcastmentalhealth

References

https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2023/06/esther-perel-amateur-therapy-speak?fbclid=IwAR2kh2DRJ5t7wzFabOlZtnTKQszmDo1JDY89qcgNpGgY2-JBfIDk7imTqfk 

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment/the-rise-of-therapy-speak

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/12/opinion/mental-health-therapy-instagram.html

https://www.health.com/therapy-speak-terms-people-get-wrong-7510656

Maggie O'Neill 

Maggie O’Neill is a health writer and reporter based in New York who specializes in covering medical research and emerging wellness trends, with a focus on cancer and addiction. Prior to her time at Health, her work appeared in the Observer, Good Housekeeping, CNN, and Vice. She was a fellow of the Association of Health Care Journalists’ 2020 class on Women’s Health Journalism and 2021 class on Cancer Reporting. In her spare time, she likes meditating, watching TikToks, and playing fetch with her dog, Finnegan.

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Published on June 15, 2023

Fact checked by Nick Blackmer

Resources

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