Twelve-step programs have helped millions of people, including some of our colleagues. But their constant references to a "higher power" rub some people the wrong way.

As orchestral musicians, we only know one "higher power": the conductor, who rules every aspect of our musical lives! Here are some slightly rewritten twelve steps toward embracing musical anonymity in the orchestra of your choice.

* Admit you are powerless over your musical decisions and life has become unmanageable.* Surrender those decisions to a higher power to reclaim musical sanity.* Turn your musical life over to that higher power (the conductor).* Make a searching and fearless inventory of your audition self.* Admit the nature of your wrongs to yourself and a practice buddy.* Be ready to have the conductor remove your defects of character.* Actually ask the conductor to humbly remove those defects.* Make a list of colleagues you have musically harmed, and seek to make amends.* Make direct amends to these colleagues, especially if you must sit near them.* Continue taking inventory and promptly admit wrong accidentals.* Through meditation and score study, improve conscious contact with the conductor.* After your musical awakening, carry this message to other musicians in the orchestra.