Do You Really Want to Disinherit a Family Member? Episode 362 – So, you’ve been estranged from one of your children for years now. Your feelings are hurt, and the relationship seemingly has no chance of recovery. Now what? You can certainly disinherit your child if you wish. But beware: it’s more complicated than you may realize. More SML Planning Minute Podcast Episodes Transcript of Podcast Episode 362

Hello, this is Bill Rainaldi, with another edition of Security Mutual’s SML Planning Minute. In today’s episode: do you really want to disinherit a family member? It’s not easy.

So, you’ve been estranged from one of your children for years now. Your feelings are hurt, and the relationship seemingly has no chance for recovery. Now what? You’re feeling a strong urge to disinherit your child. It’s your money, and you’re certainly entitled to do that if you want. But beware: it’s more complicated than you may realize.

There are many potential reasons that a parent might consider disinheriting a child. Disinheritance sometimes comes into play with large estates, family business interests and blended families.[1] But there are other potential issues. You may have an heir who can’t control their spending, has other disabilities or doesn’t share your philanthropic ideas.

But there’s a significant downside. As author Susan Lipp pointed out in an article for Wealth Management, the emotional effects of disinheriting a child could destroy their physical and mental well-being. And it might not even have its intended effect. Eliminating a family member as an estate beneficiary isn’t likely to change anybody’s mind, and perhaps even worse, it may result in expensive litigation.[2]

Ok so, in spite of all the potential headaches, you’ve decided that there’s no going back. You’re going to take the plunge and formally disinherit someone. Now what? Of course, you’re going to need the help of an experienced estate attorney. He or she can help you avoid some potential traps you might not be aware of.

The attorney would likely want to carefully explain one of those traps: you ‘re going to need to be specific when you disinherit someone. In other words, it’s usually not enough to just leave your child’s name out of your will. You’ll need to explicitly state that you’re excluding this person. Otherwise, a court might conclude that you accidentally omitted this individual rather than doing so deliberately.[3] Remember, you won’t be there to argue otherwise.

Also, disinheriting one child while favoring another child may foster ill-will or even animosity between them after your death and disrupt family harmony. You may want to avoid that if you can. And your attorney is also likely to remind you of how important it is to keep your will up-to-date. No matter how awful things are right now, reconciliation might still be possible someday. Also, there may be children born after the will is executed. They will need to be accounted for, one way or another.

If your disagreement is with your children, one relatively simple idea might be to skip a generation and give the money to your grandkids. But beware. For a wealthy family, these types of gifts can be made impractical by the Generation Skipping Transfer Tax, or GST. If applicable, the GST Tax rate is a flat 40 percent. Thankfully, under current tax law, the GST tax will only affect wealthy individuals representing less than 1% of the population.[4]

But there’s more. Direct gifts to grandchildren can make the already frayed emotional situation even worse. Some experts feel that such a maneuver would be seen as an even bigger insult and would cause more damage than simply disinheriting everyone.[5]

And, as we’ve discussed many times on this program, don’t forget to look at beneficiary designations. If you’ve made the difficult decision to disinherit someone, the last thing you want is for that person to get an accidental inheritance simply because you forgot to take their name off your insurance policy, retirement account or bank accounts.

It can also get tricky if you’re dealing with a potential surviving spouse. You may not be able to disinherit your estranged spouse even if you say so in your will. It varies by state, but most states simply do not allow you to disinherit your surviving spouse.[6] Note that the same does not apply for a divorced ex-spouse, although things are a bit more complicated if you live in a Community Property state such as California or Texas.[7]

Furthermore, it can be very difficult to completely disinherit minor children while they remain of minor age. Again, the law varies by state, but state law generally mandates that the assets from your estate be available to pay for the care of your minor children.[8]

Rather than a complete disinheritance, families may have another option. One idea is that parents can place their family bequests into a trust with a third-party trustee. They would then appoint trustees who they believe share their philosophy. A properly structured trust can go a long way in resolving these issues in the best way possible, without technically disinheriting anyone.

Do you still want to go through with this? You need to also consider the impact of a possible role reversal later in life. As a parent ages, it is common for the elderly to become dependent on their children for support. Disinheriting the child would undoubtedly make the situation much more complicated and could make things much worse for the parent in their later years.

As with many things, it pays to think carefully before you act. It’s not going to be cheap, and it might not accomplish what you want. How you decide to treat your children in your estate plan says a lot about yourself as well as them. Perhaps, not disinheriting a child who has caused you heartache can send a message of love and forgiveness.

[1] Erskine, Matthew “How To Legally Disinherit Family Members.” www.fa-mag.com.. https://www.fa-mag.com/news/prince-andrew-and-king-charles–how-to-legally-disinherit-family-members-84794.html (accessed November 20, 2025).

[2] Lipp, Susan. “Disinheriting Family Members With Different Political Beliefs.” Wealthmanagement.com. https://www.wealthmanagement.com/wealth-management-industry-trends/disinheriting-family-members-with-different-political-beliefs (accessed November 17, 2025).

[3] Erskine, Matthew. “How To Legally Disinherit Family Members.” www.fa-mag.com.. https://www.fa-mag.com/news/prince-andrew-and-king-charles–how-to-legally-disinherit-family-members-84794.html (accessed November 20, 2025).

[4] Gravelle, Jane G. “The Generation-Skipping Transfer Tax (GSTT).” Congressional Research Service. https://www.congress.gov/crs_external_products/IF/PDF/IF13053/IF13053.2.pdf (accessed December 9, 2025).

[5]  Lipp, Susan. “Disinheriting Family Members With Different Political Beliefs.” Wealthmanagement.com. https://www.wealthmanagement.com/wealth-management-industry-trends/disinheriting-family-members-with-different-political-beliefs (accessed November 17, 2025).

[6] Erskine, Matthew “How To Legally Disinherit Family Members.” www.fa-mag.com. https://www.fa-mag.com/news/prince-andrew-and-king-charles–how-to-legally-disinherit-family-members-84794.html (accessed November 20, 2025).

[7] Id.

[8] LeValley, Donna. “Six Reasons to Disinherit Someone and How to Do It.” Kiplinger.com. https://www.kiplinger.com/retirement/estate-planning/reasons-and-how-to-disinherit-someone (accessed November 18, 2025).

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