A friend recently asked me what is my goal as a Christian? The first thing that popped into my mind was a right relationship with God. But what does that look like for me? How can I have a relationship with God and not the same old traditional religion I’m used to?

Religion

For a long time, I thought the key to having the right relationship with God was to put a lot of effort into my works. I committed myself to the works of the church but never developed a real relationship with God beyond that. In retrospect, that’s legalistic and religious. God doesn’t desire me to be a performance Christian. He desires my heart and mind. He wants me not my behavior.

But, I decided that to be a good Christian all I needed to do was churchy things. I regularly went to church, tithed, and did other church work. However, my spirit yearned for more. Doing all the churchy things wasn’t enough. I wanted His presence to be with me every day, not only Sunday. Shouting and being filled with the Holy Spirit in a church is great, but I want to experience His spirit always. I want to dwell in His presence forever.

Relationship

To develop a true relationship with God I am changing my mindset and evaluating myself. A personal relationship with God requires that I spend time and communicate with Him. I must also see myself as He sees me.  Part of the reason why I didn’t experience the relationship I wanted is that I didn’t believe I deserved it. I didn’t believe what God said about me. Now I know that I am the daughter of the King. I am forgiven. I’m rescued and redeemed. I’m clean and in right standing with God. 

Yet, I still struggle with believing His promises are for me.  I pray and study His word, but there is still doubt. So, I put together plans and steps to obtain the desires of my heart. I let God in a little but retained some control by sticking steadfastly to my plan. I tried to put work behind my faith without fully surrendering my heart to God. He’ll place the desires in my heart, but first I have to give him my heart. To wholly surrender I must first believe. It’s impossible to please God without faith. 

Belief

The thing is, I want to believe. There’s no problem with me believing God for other people. I will pray and speak life over others and see God move in their life just like I knew He would. However, I know in my head He’ll come through for me, but I make a backup plan just in case. God, I want to let go and trust you fully, but I don’t know the way. So, I pray and consume the things of God. I put so much of Him and His word in me that there will be no room for doubt or unbelief. 

Reality Check

I may be putting too much pressure on myself. I’ve been known to overthink and complicate simple matters. My relationship with God means so much to me and I want a relationship with Him. I want to be with Him on earth and in heaven. Thankfully, my faith is getting stronger every day. He’s given me the desire to pursue Him and spend more time with Him. I give Him every thought that doesn’t line up with His word. This is only the beginning. I’m grateful that He’s still calling my name and I’m willing to obey.

Thanks for joining me on my journey through singleness,

Kim

Recommended Resources

Corona Chronicles