From feeling invisible to facing her darkness with courage and honesty, today’s Stranger now Friend, musician, mother, and humorist Emily shares a journey that inspires and invites all of us toward gentler, more hopeful tomorrows.

Transcript

Emily

If you watch Scrooged, which is weird because it’s kind of a doinkey, weird, kind of grotesque movie, but we all have the duty to have that redemption arc. We don’t have time to be hating anything. Don’t have time to be writing off the boomers, or the Gen Zs, or the you know, the kids screaming in Target. We all got to learn and build together.

It’s the same world. We’re on one planet together. Everyone’s just got to get to work. We stopped doing that? I feel like we’re all avoiding that redemption arc and wasting time. But, you know, let’s start loving ourselves a little bit better.

Intro

We all carry unique histories and unseen experiences that, if embraced, can bridge divides and spark connection.

Welcome to Sidewalk Ghosts with Richard Redstone, short, openhearted stories that reveal the wisdom and vulnerability of both familiar faces and unexpected voices. Stories that ask us to listen a little closer and look beyond the surface of what we first see and feel. To simply pause for a moment and confirm just how much our influence has upon this world we share.

Emily

Well, I was like, hospitalized for self-abuse. So this is something I had to learn really hard, and it’s, just fake it. And I kind of had to realize, like, my hating myself is hurting other people, so I have to stop it. And just, like, white knuckle it. And then pretty soon, you will have some confidence, you will have some self-love.

You’re going to be using all of your energy to do that hard, a holy task that you’ll realize, why would I put anybody else through this? And I think that’s what kind of turned for me when I was really, really hard on myself. I was really hard on people too. It’s like everyone’s so judgmental. Everyone’s so, you know, morally reprehensible, everyone’s this, oh, the world is so horrible, blah, blah, blah.

When I started actively trying to love myself, the world seemed like a much better place. So I think that’s really, you know, from my perspective, that’s the ticket is you just got to, you got to be nicer to yourself. These people that go on about how horrible the world is, blah, blah, blah, I would take a second with that person and say, how horrible do you think you are?

You’re not horrible, and you’re here. So the world’s a good place.

Richard

There’s a point where self-help stops being private, spills into how we look at the world and everyone around us. And thanks to the courage of today’s stranger-now-friend Emily, who, as she talks about white knuckling through the pain she’s carried, we are beckoned to look at the hardships we may be facing. And, as we do, to allow ourselves a greater amount of kindness, release ourselves from the pressures of the world, and see gateways for better healing when it is needed.

Emily

I was never a drug user, but in the hospital, you just kind of go to AA, which I was really grateful for because when you go to AA, they’re not really like pulling down charts of the human brain and showing like the effects of narcotics or anything. They’re just talking about, life is hard. And why are you afraid to deal with that? Like, life is hard, and so stop numbing yourself. And so those are really helpful to go to because I wasn’t drinking or anything. I was numbing myself in other ways. And it’s really scary to choose to start living your life.

Richard

Life is hard, Emily says, a statement she doesn’t dress up, nor apologize for saying out loud. But rather, shows vulnerability as she talks about numbing herself and of her decision to start living her life, even though she was struggling to find her way.

Emily

I was like a music school dropout, and because, just, all this crazy stuff was happening in school, and like, dangerous stuff. And then I got sick, and I just dropped out, and so was my mental health. This stuff was kind of starting to percolate. My depression. And so I dropped out. I went home and, I like, stopped. I stopped doing any music because I was just like, I don’t deserve to play music because I dropped out of school.

I’m not going to be one of those idiots that drops out of music school and then still tries to be a musician. Then I was also, like, not giving myself the one thing that I’ve always had. I’ve been playing piano since I was a baby. That’s who I am. And so I was cutting myself off, thinking I was being really wise and mature by choosing to not waste my time playing music anymore.

Richard

Depression loves to manipulate our thinking, tells us that by starving our own souls or denying what we love, we’re being responsible, mature, making the right choice. Yet for Emily, music was not just her talent; it was her anchor. And in the fog of self-abuse, she cut herself off from the very thing that held her together. And as we take in her story, might we be pointed toward a rather difficult question, that being, what have we taken from ourselves in the name of being realistic or grown up, when in truth it is that the very thing that kept our souls alive is what we gave up, even the essence of the very human connection that we crave. Emily gives us a pathway.

Emily

You know, there’s practice with everything you do. There’s practice, and with your relationships, there’s going to be practice too.  It’s a, I’m just really bad at making friends. You know, last time I tried to be friends with someone, it was so cringey. And I went home, and I just replayed everything I said in my brain. You know? Okay, it just sounds like you need some more practice. You need to practice being vulnerable. You need to practice, you know, realizing that you’re not as cringy as you think you are. You need to practice. Making plans with people. You need to practice talking to kids. People say, like, I don’t know how to talk to kids. Okay, then go practice. Go practice.

Richard

Emily mentions relationships of feeling awkward and facing her cringy moments, of being caught in circles of self-doubt. But in this, she extends an olive branch to us all, a release to more fully love our imperfections as we find peace in being who we are, as we are. A way of nurturing ourselves as we grow, and yes, even fail. That branch: The courage to simply practice.

Emily

You just have to start liking yourself right now. When you’re stuck in that cycle, you think, well, when I look like this, or when I act like this, or when my life looks like this, then I’ll stop being so harsh on myself. It’s like, now, just stop it, and you know, it’s just, like, stuck in every way. I was like, Oh my gosh. And I like, was so depressed and couldn’t even leave my house. And I had a job, and they were very nice to keep me there because I came sometimes. I kept thinking, like, once I get my, you know, once I get my act together, then it’ll be easier to be nicer to myself. Like, right now, I have to be hard on myself because I got to get better.

That’s actually the opposite. And you’ve got to love yourself through it. Then you won’t be afraid of hard work… getting better. Hating yourself is like a control save on where you are right now. So if you want to get better, you better start loving yourself so you can change. It’s kind of, it feels counterintuitive.

Richard

How many of us set conditions on our own worth, compel ourselves to believe: once I lose that weight, get that job, be recognized, find that perfect relationship, or the host of forecasts we put on ourselves, then I’ll matter.

Emily calls it self-hate as she redirects us toward realizing our own value to again, love ourselves just as we are, even when we are in the middle of what she calls, cringy moments. So I have to ask. Emily, when all feels lost, when you’re practicing as hard as you can and you still feel alone, how do you not be afraid? She bravely opens up.

Emily

I would like, pray to not wake up, right? You’re just like I’m wandering through life. But then that moment of feeling those angels around you, it was like, did it feel like a call? Like, you know, I do care about you. I’m here. So get up.

I mean, when I was hospitalized, it was just like, get up, somebody needs you. You have some worth. I would just pray to not wake up because I just was, like, you know, my husband deserves me to be gone. My family deserves me to be gone. Like. And I was just trying to make myself invisible. And I didn’t realize that was, like, suicidal. But then, like, praying you don’t wake up, that’s pretty suicidal.

You know,as I got better, and nothing changed, it wasn’t like I got a facelift or made $1 million or anything. It was just, I decided to start liking myself. Then I started to start liking the world, and seeing the world was a good place. And everyone around me is good and not evil. And then it’s just, like, I love life. I love everybody’s life, I love everybody I meet.

Richard

In listening to Emily, we are reminded that healing lives in the moments when we view ourselves with kindness, see ourselves as needed, and what we have to offer more. More profoundly, valuable as we are. That in every self-affirming step that we choose to take, we are expanding both the best of who we are right now and walking towards the fullness of who we are becoming. She takes it one step further.

Emily

The answer is a million good things in small amounts. It’s like anything that is, like, good, do it. If it, if you know, like, you know, you don’t have to burden yourself with all these metrics and blah blah, blah. Just if you’re in the pit of despair, just take tiny little baby steps. If you, if it’s, probably a good thing to text your friend that you love them, to send a text, and that’s enough for today. If it’s a good thing to drink a glass of water, then go do that. You know, maybe you have a million pressing things to do. Like me, at this time, it was like, you need a job and you need to make things better with your family, and you have these really big pressing issues. But it was like, all I can do today is go for a walk, and that was it. And that was enough. And that was, like, that was a lot. That was really important. It was baby steps. It was just tiny, tiny things. And my sweet husband was just so supportive of every little baby step. And I remember, like, I got out of the hospital and it was right around Christmas. So I got out of the hospital and I think it was, like, December 21st or something. And so it was, like, okay, now go have Christmas.

And I remember, like, having a really bad panic attack. And I was really pissed about it because I was, like, I thought I was over this horrible thing. That happens because I went to the hospital. I did all that work, and I was feeling so much better, like, why did I essentially, like, relapse? And it was just, like, it just takes time. That’s what my husband was telling me. It just takes time. Look how much you’ve grown. And you know, now you know what a panic attack is. Because I was having them all the time for years, and I didn’t know what it was. It’s just baby steps and it will get better. It will get better. It’ll get better really quick. And the time is going to pass anyway. This next year, 2026, is going to happen, so you might as well get a little bit better this year. Let’s do it. Let’s get better. I’m going to get better, Richard. It’s going to get better. You can get better too. Let’s do it. 

The post “Baby Steps” — Sidewalk Ghosts, Season 3, Episode 4 first appeared on Sidewalk Ghosts by Richard Radstone.