Scott LaPierre Ministries

Scott LaPierre Ministries


The Four Most Common Ways Wives Disrespect Their Husbands

July 08, 2024

Even if a wife has good intentions, such as trying to be helpful, if her husband feels disrespected, it's a problem. Read or listen to this material from Your Marriage God’s Way or watch the message from the Your Marriage God's Way Conference to learn the four most common ways wives disrespect their husbands.

https://youtu.be/wAsCrQgBVAI
Wives Respect Your Husband is the fourth message at Your Marriage God's Way Conferences.

Table of contentsThe Two Common Causes of Marriage ConflictsThe Four Most Common Ways Wives Are DisrespectfulFirst, Wives Disrespect Their Husbands By Being DiscontentSecond, Wives Disrespect Their Husbands By Using Disparaging Speech and Body LanguageThird, Wives Disrespect Their Husbands By Frequently Second-GuessingFourth, Wives Disrespect Their Husbands By Badmouthing to the KidsA Husband Lives Up or Down to His Wife's TreatmentMichal Loved and Disrespected DavidA Wife Can Change Her Husband’s Feelings Toward Her

During a counseling session, as I was helping a couple who struggled with lots of conflict, the wife had an epiphany. Most couples enjoy working together, but these two always fight each other. The husband explained that nothing he did was good enough for his wife. She always countered him with a better way to do things and picked apart all his decisions. She was genuinely confused about her husband’s frustration because she thought she was being helpful. It wasn’t until this session that she realized her husband found her “helpful” suggestions disrespectful.

Even if a wife has good intentions, if her husband feels disrespected by her, it is a problem. A good perspective for a wife to remember is that as painful as it is for her to feel unloved, it is equally painful for her husband to feel disrespected.

The Two Common Causes of Marriage Conflicts

Modern research supports the biblical instruction on this topic. Marriage expert Dr. Emerson Eggerichs shares essential statistics about husbands and wives in his famous book Love and Respect. In one survey, 400 men were asked, “If you were forced to choose, would you prefer to feel alone and unloved or disrespected and inadequate?” Seventy-four percent responded that they would rather feel alone and unloved than disrespected and inadequate.

When Dr. Eggerichs conducted the same survey with women, a similar percentage of women responded that they would rather feel disrespected and inadequate than alone and unloved. Dr. Eggerichs sums up his findings:

[A wife] needs love just as she needs air to breathe, [and a husband] needs respect just as he needs air to breathe.”
Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2004), 36.

Another survey asked 7,000 people:

“When you are in a conflict with your spouse, do you feel unloved or disrespected?” Eighty-three percent of husbands responded with “disrespected.” Seventy-two percent of wives responded with “unloved.”
Eggerichs, Love and Respect, 160

This reveals that during marriage conflicts, husbands often react because they feel disrespected, and wives often react because they feel unloved.

The Four Most Common Ways Wives Are Disrespectful

Conversely, no matter how much a wife might profess her love, certain attitudes communicate disrespect to her husband. Here are four

First, Wives Disrespect Their Husbands By Being Discontent

When a wife routinely expresses frustration with her life, home, family, or possessions, she inevitably disrespects her husband. A discontented wife makes her husband feel like a failure because he is the one—at least in her eyes—who is not providing well enough to keep her content.

Katie and I have always been a single-income family. When we married, I was a schoolteacher, and then I became a pastor. We have nine children, and while God has always provided, our lives are far from glamorous. Yet, if you were to listen to Katie,