Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go," but as parents, we must ensure we go that way too. As Christian parents, we want our children to see the Gospel in us through our lives and parenting, which means we must strive to live it out before our kids.

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Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go," but as parents, we must ensure we go that way too.

Table of contentsDavid's Sins in His SonsAmnon's Evil without David's DisciplineAbsalom's Evil without David's DisciplineAdonijah's Evil without David's DisciplineTrain Up a Child in the Way He Should Go to Avoid Seeing Your Sins in Your ChildrenWhy Didn't David Punish His Sons?Train Up a Child in the Way He Should Go Regardless of Past SinsThe Command to Train Up a Child in the Way He Should Go Is Not Conditional on Our PastsBut Isn't It Hypocritical To...Train Up a Child in the Way He Should Go By ExampleSin In Our Children's Lives Is Sin in Our LivesOur Children Act Like UsKatie's Best Friend Who Committed ApostasyModeling What We Want to SeeWhy Do Pastors' Kids Commit Apostasy?Tell your Children You're a SinnerThe Two Ways Children Find Out Their Parents Aren't PerfectModel Accepting ResponsibilityChoosing to Be Proud or Humble

David's Sins in His Sons

David suffered a lot in his lifetime: the rebellion of his sons, the many sons who were murdered, and the betrayal he experienced from friends. But I wonder if anything was worse for him than seeing his sins in his children.

Amnon's Evil without David's Discipline

David had a son named Amnon, who lusted after his half-sister Tamar. She resisted him, but he overtook her and had his way with her. Here's how David responded when he heard the news:

2 Samuel 13:21 But when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.

David got very angry, but that’s it. He didn’t do anything. Consider this happened to his daughter, but there’s no record of him punishing Amnon. According to God’s Law, David actually should’ve executed him.

Tamar felt violated and alone. You would expect her to go to her father, David, for help and consolation, but instead, she went to live with her brother, Absalom. I suspect she knew David wouldn’t do anything.

Absalom's Evil without David's Discipline

While Tamar was with Absalom, you can guess how furious he became toward Amnon because of what he did to his sister. I’m not making any excuses for Absalom, but because David didn’t punish Amnon, Absalom decided to take matters into his own hands. He got Amnon drunk and had him murdered. David learned what had happened, so Absalom ran away:

2 Samuel 13:38 So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. 39 And King David longed to go to Absalom. For he had been comforted concerning Amnon, because he was dead.

After three years, the pain of Amnon’s murder subsided, and David wanted to be reconciled with his son, Absalom. There’s only one problem: guess what David doesn’t want to do? Punish him! David’s indulgent attitude toward Amnon is now being repeated with Absalom. David and Absalom are finally reunited:

2 Samuel 14:33 So Joab went to the king (this is David) and told him. And when he (this is David) had called for Absalom, he came to the king and bowed himself on his face to the ground before the king. Then the king kissed Absalom.

This signified David’s reconciliation with his son, but there was no punishment. This failure caused terrible problems. Absalom is back in David’s good graces. He wanted this precisely because he had a plan he couldn’t fulfill while exiled from the land. So next, he steals the people's hearts and turns the nation against his father. David has to escape the land, and Absalom takes David’s wives for himself. Then, in one of the lowest moments of David’s life, his men had to battle against his son.

Don't View Your Children Too Sentimentally

This would’ve been unimaginably difficult,