In this episode, we perceive the burning angst of a lady, as portrayed in Sangam Literary work, Kalithogai 137, penned by Nallanthuvanaar. The verse is situated in the ‘Neythal’ or ‘Coastal Landscape’ and paints a picture of pain, born out of pleasure.

அரிதே, தோழி! நாண் நிறுப்பாம் என்று உணர்தல்;
பெரிதே காமம்; என் உயிர் தவச் சிறிதே;
பலவே யாமம்; பையுளும் உடைய;
சிலவே, நம்மோடு உசாவும் அன்றில்;
அழல் அவிர் வயங்கு இழை ஒலிப்ப, உலமந்து,
எழில் எஞ்சு மயிலின் நடுங்கி, சேக்கையின்
அழல் ஆகின்று, அவர் நக்கதன் பயனே

மெல்லிய நெஞ்சு பையுள் கூர, தம்
சொல்லினான் எய்தமை அல்லது, அவர் நம்மை
வல்லவன் தைஇய, வாக்கு அமை கடு விசை
வில்லினான் எய்தலோ இலர்மன்; ஆயிழை!
வில்லினும் கடிது, அவர் சொல்லினுள் பிறந்த நோய்

நகை முதலாக, நட்பினுள் எழுந்த
தகைமையின் நலிதல் அல்லது, அவர் நம்மை
வகைமையின் எழுந்த தொல் முரண் முதலாக,
பகைமையின் நலிதலோ இலர்மன்; ஆயிழை!
பகைமையின் கடிது, அவர் தகைமையின் நலியும் நோய்

‘நீயலேன்’ என்று என்னை அன்பினால் பிணித்து, தம்
சாயலின் சுடுதல் அல்லது, அவர் நம்மைப்
பாய் இருள் அற நீக்கும் நோய் தபு நெடுஞ் சுடர்த்
தீயினால் சுடுதலோ இலர்மன்; ஆயிழை!
தீயினும் கடிது, அவர் சாயலின் கனலும் நோய்

ஆங்கு
அன்னர் காதலராக, அவர் நமக்கு
இன் உயிர் போத்தரும் மருத்துவர் ஆயின்,
யாங்கு ஆவதுகொல்? தோழி! எனையதூஉம்
தாங்குதல் வலித்தன்று ஆயின்,
நீங்கரிது உற்ற அன்று அவர் உறீஇய நோயே.

For a change, it’s the lady’s voice that echoes in this verse. The words can be translated as follows:

“It’s impossible, my friend, to hope that modesty will hold me back; This disease of love is huge; The ability of my life to bear that is too small; The nights are many; Filled with suffering too; In some, the red-naped ibis join together in my sorrow; The consequence of my relationship with him is to be filled with suffering, losing beauty and shivering like a peacock, to toss and turn on the bed that seems like a fire, making my flame-like, radiant jewels resound!

Making suffering soar in my gentle heart, he aimed only with his words; He aimed not with a well-built bow, made by the hands of a skilled artisan, which sends arrows with much speed. O maiden wearing radiant jewels, the disease born from his words is more painful than the one caused by a bow!

Starting with a smile, and extending into a relationship, because of his esteem, came this affliction. He made me afflicted not because of an enmity that arose from separation in the ancient past! O maiden wearing radiant jewels, the affliction born from his esteem is more painful than the one caused by his enmity!

Saying, ‘Without you, I cannot be’, he tied me with his love, and with his gentle nature, he has burnt me; He burnt not with the fire from tall lamp, which completely routs pitch darkness and deep sorrow! O maiden wearing radiant jewels, the burning pain born from his gentle nature is more painful than the one caused by fire!

And so, if such is the nature of my lover, and if he, the one who makes my sweet life part away, is the only doctor, who can cure me, what can I do, my friend? I see no way to bear this pain, as this disease he has rendered me, is indeed impossible to destroy!”

Time to delve into the nuances. The verse is situated in the context of the man’s parting from a lady, prior to marriage, and the lady expresses her pain to her confidante, as the man listens nearby. The lady starts by declaring that it would be really hard to control her emotions, as the confidante advises, since her love brims over, and the man is not to be found, and all she can do is toss and turn on her bed that seems to have transformed into a fire, as she hopes for the consolation in the song of the red-naped ibis, which falls on her ears on a few nights. Then, she declares how the man had aimed his arrow of love, had fallen in love with her and attacked her with an affliction, owing to his esteemed nature, and how he had tied her up, and burnt her, because of his gentle character. She remarks to her friend that it’s not a sharp arrow, aimed from a well-made bow, or an attack because of an enmity that arose from the past, or a burning with a bright flame. And yet, his words aimed at her had caused more pain than that bow, his esteemed character had wrought more devastation than his enmity and his gentle, loving character had inflicted more pain than a raging fire. The lady then tells her friend that such is the nature of her beloved and if he is the cause and cure of her pain, what could she do, and concludes by declaring there’s no way to pear this pain of separation, ‘Impossible’ is the word that seems to ring through this verse. It’s ultimately an expression of angst in a heart, and perhaps sharing what’s within would bring peace therein, if not anything from anywhere else!