In this episode, we perceive the transformation in a lady’s heart, as portrayed in Sangam Literary work, Kalithogai 62, penned by Kabilar. The verse is situated in the ‘Kurinji’ or ‘Mountains landscape’ and sketches the manner in which the man wins over the lady’s reservations against him.

தலைவி
ஏஎ இஃது ஒத்தன் நாண் இலன் தன்னொடு
மேவேம் என்பாரையும் மேவினன் கைப்பற்றும்

தலைவன்
‘மேவினும், மேவாக்கடையும், அஃது எல்லாம்
நீ அறிதி; யான் அஃது அறிகல்லேன்; பூ அமன்ற
மெல் இணர் செல்லாக் கொடி அன்னாய்! நின்னை யான்
புல் இனிது ஆகலின், புல்லினென்’ எல்லா!

தலைவி
தமக்கு இனிது என்று, வலிதின் பிறர்க்கு இன்னா
செய்வது நன்று ஆமோ மற்று?’

தலைவன்
சுடர்த் தொடீ! போற்றாய் களை, நின் முதுக்குறைமை; போற்றிக் கேள்!
வேட்டார்க்கு இனிது ஆயின் அல்லது நீர்க்கு இனிது என்று
உண்பவோ, நீர் உண்பவர்?
செய்வது அறிகல்லேன்; யாது செய்வேன்கொலோ
ஐ வாய் அரவின் இடைப்பட்டு, நை வாரா
‘மை இல் மதியின் விளங்கும் முகத்தாரை
வௌவிக் கொளலும் அறன்’ எனக் கண்டன்று

தலைவி
‘அறனும் அது கண்டற்றாயின், திறன் இன்றி,
கூறும் சொல் கேளான், நலிதரும்; பண்டு நாம்
வேறு அல்லம் என்பது ஒன்று உண்டால்; அவனொடு
மாறு உண்டோ, நெஞ்சே! நமக்கு?

A rare dialogue between the man and the lady! The words can be translated as follows:

“Lady:
Hey! This man here is a shameless one! Even when one refuses to embrace him, he grasps their hand and pulls them into an embrace!

Man:
Whether you want to embrace or don’t want to embrace, all that only you know; I know not about that, O maiden, akin to an unfading, slender vine, filled with thick flower clusters! Because it was sweet for me to embrace you, I embraced you!

Lady:
Just because it is sweet to you, is it right to do something forcibly that brings distress to the other?

Man:
O maiden wearing radiant bangles! Set aside your words of wisdom, and listen to me carefully! Do those who drink water drink it because they are thirsty or because it’s sweet for the water to be drunk up? I know not what to do! Like a person trapped by a five-headed snake, I’m filled with sorrow! What else should I do, when I know the truth that says, ‘It is virtuous to steal away the one, who has a face akin to a flawless moon!’?

Lady:
Virtue has declared it so; He too seems to not heed whatever words I render and continues to suffer so; Maybe it is true that in some past he and I were united as one! How can we continue to be in conflict with him, O heart?”

Let’s delve into the details. The verse is situated in the context of a man’s love relationship with a lady, prior to marriage, and depicts a conversation between the man and the lady. The lady opens the scene by expressing shock that the man seemed to be forcibly pulling her into an embrace, even though she had been refusing his advances. To this, the man replies saying he has no knowledge of what transpires inside the head of the lady, about whether she wants to embrace him or not. All he knows is that it was the sweetest thing for him to embrace her. Now, the lady questions this statement asking him whether he would go and do something unpleasant to another just because it was sweet to him. The man seems to answer the lady, who has a valid point, with sarcasm, saying that she should let go of these words of wisdom and listen to what he has to say. As if cornering her, he asks whether one who drinks water drinks it because the water would feel it so sweet to be drunk up or because it’s sweet for them to quench their thirst. He then declares he feels like a person caught in the gaze of a five-headed snake with no escape. All he knows is the truth he has read that it’s an act of virtue to steal one, who has a face like a moon without any flaws. At this point, the lady becomes resigned to her fate and says to her heart, ‘Looks like what he does is the virtuous thing, and also, whatever I say, he keeps pursuing me. Could it be that we are united by destiny? If that’s the case, there’s no point in continuing to oppose him!’

Thus, in this verse, we observe a transformation from refusal to acceptance on the part of the lady because she is convinced by the words of the man and his persistence in pursuing her. This sort of forcible advance is a rarity in Sangam verses, where the man usually waits and yearns for the lady’s acceptance, watching carefully for signs of change in her. The man’s argument supporting his actions, using that simile of water being drunk up may have convinced the lady then, but to us, the descendants of the twenty-first century, this does not ring true. Today, the undeniable truth is that a woman is not like that lifeless water, without a say, but rather, she’s a man’s equal in every way!