In this episode, we listen to an account of a lady’s first meeting with a man, as portrayed in Sangam Literary work, Kalithogai 55, penned by Kabilar. The verse is situated in the ‘Kurinji’ or ‘Mountains landscape’ and reveals an incident to the confidante.

மின் ஒளிர் அவிர் அறல் இடை போழும் பெயலேபோல்,
பொன் அகை தகை வகிர் வகை நெறி வயங்கிட்டு,
போழ் இடை இட்ட கமழ் நறும் பூங் கோதை,
இன் நகை, இலங்கு எயிற்று, தேம் மொழி துவர்ச் செவ் வாய்,
நன்னுதால்! நினக்கு ஒன்று கூறுவாம்; கேள், இனி:

‘நில்’ என நிறுத்தான்; நிறுத்தே வந்து,
நுதலும் முகனும், தோளும், கண்ணும்,
இயலும், சொல்லும், நோக்குபு நினைஇ,
‘ஐ தேய்ந்தன்று, பிறையும் அன்று;
மை தீர்ந்தன்று, மதியும் அன்று;
வேய் அமன்றன்று, மலையும் அன்று;
பூ அமன்றன்று, சுனையும் அன்று;
மெல்ல இயலும், மயிலும் அன்று;
சொல்லத் தளரும், கிளியும் அன்று’

என ஆங்கு,
அனையன பல பாராட்டி, பையென,
வலைவர் போல, சோர் பதன் ஒற்றி,
நெஞ்சு நெகிழ்ந்த செவ்வி காணூஉப்
புலையர் போல, புன்கண் நோக்கி,
தொழலும் தொழுதான்; தொடலும் தொட்டான்;
காழ் வரை நில்லாக் கடுங் களிறு அன்னோன்
தொழூஉம்; தொடூஉம்; அவன் தன்மை
ஏழைத் தன்மையோ இல்லை, தோழி!

The lady continues to wield the microphone in this one! The words can be translated as follows:

“Akin to streaks of lightning that spreads in between black clouds, wearing gold with flame-like splendour, shaped in many different ways, upon your wavy tresses, along with strands of a fragrant flower garland, having a sweet smile, shining teeth, and red mouth that renders honey-sweet words, you are, O maiden with a fine forehead! I wish to say something to you; Please listen:

Saying ‘Stop’, he prevented me from walking on; Coming near me, he looked at my forehead, face, arms, eyes, gait and words, and then with much thought, he described each saying, ‘The beautiful thing fades not, and so, it’s not the crescent; It has not any blemish, and so, it’s not the moon; They are like bamboos, but there’s no mountain; They are like flowers, but there’s no spring; The walk is slow and gentle with grace, but there walks not a peacock; The words come hesitantly, but there speaks not a parrot’.

And so, he praised me with many such words, and swiftly, akin to a hunter, who lay traps, he bided for the right time, waiting for the moment my heart would melt in his favour, and akin to a helper, looking at my distressed eyes, he folded his hands with respect. And then, he touched me; The man, who was thus acting, akin to mad elephant that is not arrested by a goad, worshipped and touched me. But in his nature, there was no semblance of ignorance, my friend!”

Time to explore the nuances. The verse is situated in the context of a man’s love relationship with a lady, prior to marriage and the words are rendered by the lady to her confidante. The lady starts by praising the adornments of the confidante, comparing the many golden jewels she wears on her hair to lightning streaks, spreading amidst dark clouds, mentioning also the strands of flower garlands she wears. Seems like these Sangam ladies put considerable effort into their hairdos! Returning, we see praise for the confidante continuing, with words about her smile, her teeth and her sweet words. After that glowing tribute to her friend, the lady informs the confidante that she has something to say to her, and requests her to listen intently.

Relating an incident that happened between her and the man, the lady talks about how the man stopped her when she was going her way, and then coming close to her, looked at her and praised her forehead in a unique way, saying although it was crescent-like, it never fades, and then looking at her face, ‘even though it shone like the moon, it had no blemish’; Turning to her arms, he seems to have said that those were like bamboos and yet there was no mountain in sight; Now gazing at her eyes, he declared these were flowers indeed, but there was no spring around; Talking about her walk, he says it was gentle and graceful but this was no peacock, and about her talk, he mentions how hesitant and sweet it sounded, but this was no parrot either. In short, the man uses the same similes we have heard many times for the lady’s appearance but he says that in a different way.

Following this flow of praise, the man seemed to have taken the stance of a hunter, who had laid a trap and was waiting for the right opportunity, that being when the lady’s heart would melt in his favour. After that, seeing the distressed look in her eyes, caused by shyness, the man seems to have taken the stance of a helper who bows low in respect, with folded hands in an Indian greeting before the lady. Following this, he seems to have touched the lady. About this behaviour of touching her, the lady says this is the act of a mad elephant that is not held back by a goad. ‘But even so, it was not out of ignorance the man was acting so, but out of love for me’, the lady concludes. To us, who are listening to this account two thousand years later, it may be surprising as to why the lady is revealing these intimate moments to her confidante. The possible context is that the man had sought the help of the confidante to further his relationship with the lady, while the lady has thus far not revealed her prior meeting with the man to her friend. Now, the lady decides it’s time to talk of this incident and how she kept her shyness and modesty as the man approached her then, and ends with a note of understanding about his love for her. This way, the lady gives her permission to the confidante to help the man in his requests for trysting and taking this relationship further.

Indeed, it’s a complicated way of dealing with one’s love relationships that would appear bizarre to us in this time and age. However, within these words, subtly hides the important concept of consent in intimacy. The code of conduct in a man’s relationship with a woman in that Sangam culture can be sensed here. It was acceptable for a man to approach a woman and praise her beauty. The lady in question seems to have given no clear acceptance for the same, and in that age, this has been attributed to the innate shyness of the lady. However, it was considered inappropriate for the man to touch the lady without her approval, and this can be sensed in the portrayal of this act as that of a mad elephant. That the lady later forgives him and is able to perceive his love is another angle of the story. But the core here is the delicate balance between attaining intimacy and behaving in the right manner that has been outlined two thousand years ago, by this society. A timeless aspect to reflect upon and be mindful of, in intimate relationships, anytime anywhere!