Mike Schulz has overcome last week’s problem (car died, again) to make it into studio to jaw with Dave Levora and Darren Pitra about stuff cinematic. Schulz credits the fine folk at Uber for making the film-going experience sans automobile an enjoyable one, even when the films proved underwhelming or even anti-whelming.

These are the films that Schulz has reviewed:

• Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire, directed by Adam Wingard and starring Rebecca Hall, Brian Tyree Henry, Dan Stevens, Kaylee Hottle, Alex Ferns, and Fala Chen as the humans. Baby Kong should have been killed off within the first ten minutes. Schulz caught this during a matinee showing, so he got to see the film from a kid’s perspective, insofar as the dearth of human dialogue didn’t drive him bonkers.
  
• In the Land of Saints and Sinners, released last year, directed by Robert Lorenz, and starring Kerry Condon, Liam Neeson, Jack Gleeson, Colm Meaney, Sarah Greene, Niamh Cusack, and Ciarán Hinds. Schulz was disappointed to inform us that he wasn’t disappointed in the film. As great an actor as Neeson remains, he’s had a ten-year run of bad films up to now. Nice to see the undertow of badness hasn’t claimed him for keeps.
  
• Ripley, the Netflix eight-episode limited series, written and directed by Steven Zaillian and starring Andrew Scott, Johnny Flynn, and Dakota Fanning. Schulz loved the 1999 Talented Mr Ripley and was over the moon about the series. Bingeworthy for sure.
  
• The New Omen, directed by Arkasha Stevenson and starring Nell Tiger Free, Tawfeek Barhom, Sônia Braga, Ralph Ineson, and Bill Nighy. Schulz had a serious case of déjà vu, given that there’s so many of these sequels. How many Omen sequels do we really need? Who’s asking for them? TELL us, goddammit!
  
• Monkey Man, directed by Dev “Slumdog Millionaire” Patel and starring Patel, Sharlto Copley, Pitobash Tripathy, Vipin Sharma, Sikandar Kher, Adithi Kalkunte, Sobhita Dhulipala, Ashwini Kalsekar, Makarand Deshpande, Jatin Malik and Zakir Hussain. Despite getting strong reviews, Schulz thought Patel was letting up on all the things that make a solid action film so that he can sneak in some insight into Indian culture where he can. It’s a case of misplaced ambition. Less puranas, Patel, and more punching, please.
  
• Wicked Little Letters, a 2023 British black-comic mystery, directed by Thea Sharrock and starring Olivia Colman, Jessie Buckley, Anjana Vasan, Joanna Scanlan, Gemma Jones, Malachi Kirby, Lolly Adefope, Eileen Atkins, and Timothy Spall. Levora only needed to hear Schulz say “Olivia Colman” and he’s seeing the film, so Schulz might as well go home. Happily, Sharrock’s film has a lot to recommend it to audiences.
  
• Problemista, an autobiographical surrealist-comic film written, directed, and produced by Julio Torres (triple THREAT!) and starring Torres (QUADRUPLE!), Tilda Swinton, RZA, Greta Lee, Catalina Saavedra, James Scully, and Isabella Rossellini. “Self-consciously precious in a fantastical way that’s like A-24 at its worst” and “too much Tilda Swinton” are Schulz’s verdicts. Too much Tilda Swinton? Really? Yes, folks. Really.
  

As for previews:

• Civil War, directed by Alex Garland and starring Kirsten Dunst, Wagner Moura, Cailee Spaeny, Stephen McKinley Henderson, and Nick Offerman. Previews were disturbing. One would think the premise would lend itself to satire, but Garland has chosen to play it straight. In the words of Schulz’s friend, “Is this the movie we need right now?”
  
• Arcadian, a post-apocalyptic horror film directed by Ben Brewer and starring Nicolas Cage, Jaeden Martell, Maxwell Jenkins, and Sadie Soverall. Has the Quiet Place vibe about it. It may be a case of déjà vu all over again.
  
• Sting, an arachnid horror film directed by Kiah Roache-Turner and starring Danny Kim, Noni Hazlehurst, Alyla Browne, Silvia Colloca, Jermaine Fowler, Robyn Nevin, Ryan Corr, and Penelope Mitchell. Spiders, yo. Arachnaphobia for a new generation of viewers who haven’t decided yet whether spiders freak them out or not.
  
• The Last Picture House has booked 2022’s Hundreds of Beavers, directed by Mike Cheslik and starring Ryland Brickson Cole Tews (who also co-wrote the film with Cheslik), Olivia Graves, Wes Tank, Doug Mancheski, and Luis Rico. Schulz will be in the Chicagoland area during this film’s run, which kinda pisses him off, because “it looks like slapstick genius.”
  

“Ripley,” “The First Omen,” “Monkey Man,” “Wicked Little Letters,” and “Problemista”

“Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” and “In the Land of Saints and Sinners”