Dave Levora tells Mike Schulz and Darren Pitra that Godzilla Minus One is his N° 1 film-pick; and the only place a person could get the full effect of the film, per Schulz, is The Last Picture House. Schulz likened the film’s ending to It’s a Wonderful Life — he couldn’t stop crying by the end— whereas Levora was able to hold it together, but still felt great for the experience. He also pointed out to Schulz that Godzilla Minus One cost approx $15 million to make, and so far, it’s made $70.7 million. That’s the acme of success, isn’t it? So what does that tell us about the films of 2023 that were made for three times as much and drew back a quarter of their budget? Other than filmmaking demands a strong story for all that technique and all those FX to have any impact?

With that in mind, Schulz discusses Wonka, directed by Paul King and starring Timothée Chalamet, Calah Lane, Keegan-Michael Key, Paterson Joseph, Matt Lucas, Mathew Baynton, Sally Hawkins, Rowan Atkinson, Jim Carter, Tom Davis, Olivia Colman, and Hugh Grant.

Schulz expected to have his time wasted at the very least, and that he’d hate it at its worst. The problem here was, King did an okay job — quite like his work on the Paddington films, that “storybook goofiness” that made those films enjoyable. Chalamet, as Willie Wonka, won’t make you forget Gene Wilder’s portrayal from the 1971 film. Nor does he make you forget Johnny Depp’s misbegotten turn — you’re going to need something much stronger to erase that atrocity. Chalamet portrays him as a nice character who just wants to make everyone happy with his confections. Unfortunately, Chalamet can’t sing, he can’t dance, and he can’t convey much personality — y’know, that thing called “acting”? Happily, everyone else was able to pitch their performances at a level where you can buy into the world King has constructed: Hugh Grant as an airborne Oompa-Loompa is something to see, even if you have to wait for his arrival. The songs, though not exceptionally memorable, were enjoyable for as long as they were playing.

Presumably, Schulz observes, the sequels will get into how Wonka turned into a weird, child-torturing psychopath. Something one must remember about the ’71 original is, even though Roald Dahl, a pretty mordant author who hated director Mel Stuart’s adaptation, adamant that he soft-balled Dahl’s material, Willie Wonka and The Chocolate Factory remains the early-Seventies equivalent of the Saw franchise. King’s film — and, to a lesser degree, Tim Burton’s 2005 Charlie and The Chocolate Factory — makes sure to, uhhh, saw off the edges so that no kid will grow into adulthood with the sight of a chicken getting decapitated playing on a loop in their head.

Then there’s The Boys in the Boat, directed by George Clooney and starring Callum Turner, Joel Edgerton, Jack Mulhern, Sam Strike, Alec Newman, Peter Guinness, Luke Slattery, Thomas Elms, Tom Varey, Bruce Herbelin-Earle, Wil Coban, Hadley Robinson, Courtney Henggeler, James Wolk, and Chris Diamantopoulo. This is another biographical sports drama, this one concerning the University of Washington crew that represented the United States in men’s-eight competitive rowing at the 1936 Summer Olympic games in Berlin. This is set to open Christmas day, mind; Schulz caught a preview showing. Those men in the men’s eight are complete blanks, portrayed as virtual nonentities who somehow get to command a screen and distract viewers from the likes of Jesse Owens (Jyuddah Jaymes) — y’know, the reason why people still talk about the ’36 Olympics? The film follows the old “underdogs triumph” formula from which every other biographical sports drama has drawn their structures. Schulz was offended by The Boys in the Boat because it played like Forties propaganda for white American troops to get sufficiently motivated to take on the Nazis, without any African-Americans around to complicate their feelings. Schulz wondered aloud whether Clooney was trying to get Fox News viewers to love him with this film. Could anyone really be that desperate to remain vital in the moviegoing mind?

Then there is the stop-motion animated comedy Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget, directed by Sam Fell and featuring the voices of Thandiwe Newton, Zachary Levi, Bella Ramsey, Romesh Ranganathan, David Bradley, Daniel Mays, Jane Horrocks, Imelda Staunton, Lynn Ferguson, Josie Sedgwick-Davies, Peter Serafinowicz, Nick Mohammed, and Miranda Richardson. This is the first new Chicken Run film in 23 years, leading Levora to ask, Who wanted this? Not our motley crew. Schulz thought it pleasant enough, with British humor animating the animation, so it’s not a complete waste of time. It’s streaming currently on Netflix, so you can decide there whether you feel like your life is being sucked from you a second at a time. Happy holidays!

Incidentally, there’s one more film Schulz saw that he hasn’t yet reviewed — SCOOP! Bradley Cooper’s direction of himself playing the conductor Leonard Bernstein and his tumultuous relationship with his wife, Felicia Montealegre (Carey Mulligan). Schulz was with it for the first thirty, and, thereafter, not so much. He plans to see it again, but that’s the problem with first impressions: You can only make them once.

As for other previews, the newest Zack Snyder film is also streaming on Netflix: Rebel Moon — Part One: A Child of Fire (its full title, an acknowledgement that there’s a sequel pending release in 2024, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver). Starring Sofia Boutella, Charlie Hunnam, Michiel Huisman, Djimon Hounsou, Doona Bae, Ray Fisher, Cleopatra Coleman, Jena Malone, Fra Fee, Ed Skrein, and Anthony Hopkins, this so-called “space opera” is inspired by the works of Akira Kurosawa, the Star Wars films, and Heavy Metal magazines — an intriguing set-up, you must admit. Again, Netflix subscribers are a click away from deciding whether it warrants watching once, let alone X amount of times before the sequel roles around.

Coming to theaters is Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, directed by James Wan and starring Jason Momoa (the last time he will assay the title role), Patrick Wilson, Amber Heard, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Randall Park, Dolph Lundgren, Temuera Morrison, Martin Short, and Nicole Kidman. This brings us back to the discussion Levora had with Schulz and Pitra earlier about the future of films, and super-hero films in particular. The diminishing returns to which Marvel and DC films have been subjected should tell someone up top that super-hero films need to provide more than just spectacle-driven fare — and, judging by the synopsis Levora reads off, this sequel isn’t the film to do it. Mind you, the first film, released in 2018, is the highest-selling film in the DC Universe, having made $1.152 billion against an estimated $160–$200 million budget. Therefore, expectations are high. If this one tanks, will Warner Bros call quits on the DC Extended Universe? If it does, ehhh, good enough, will the studios finally rethink their priorities and direct some revenue toward other, non-meta-human fare? Are we awaiting a sea-change, a changing of the guard, much like film studios underwent in the Sixties and Seventies?

Then there’s Migration, an animated adventure comedy film from Illumination Studios, the same happy folks who brought us the franchise-films Despicable Me, The Secret Life of Pets, and Sing. Directed by Benjamin Renner and featuring the voices of Kumail Nanjiani, Elizabeth Banks, Awkwafina, Keegan-Michael Key, David Mitchell, Carol Kane, Caspar Jennings, Tresi Gazal, and Danny DeVito, Migration sounds compelling, based on DeVito’s participation alone. Also, there’s The Iron Claw, which is coming to The Last Picture House. Directed by Sean Durkin and starring Zac Efron, Jeremy Allen White, Harris Dickinson, Maura Tierney, Holt McCallany, and Lily James, it’s yet another biographical sports drama, albeit concerning the storied Von Erich wrestling family whose string of awful family tragedies gave rise to speculation about “the Von Erich Curse” — basically, your surname might as well be “Usher” if you’re a Von Erich, because you will meet a sorry fate. Another under-the-radar release is the romantic comedy Anyone but You, directed by Will Gluck and starring Sydney Sweeney, Glen Powell, Alexandra Shipp, GaTa, Hadley Robinson, Michelle Hurd, Dermot Mulroney, Darren Barnet, and Rachel Griffiths, it’s a modern-day retelling of William Shakespeare’s Much Ado about Nothing, which, if memory serves, has never been done before in the history of anything. There’s other stuff as well, but they’re better addressed after the holidays. See you in two weeks!

“Wonka,” “The Boys in the Boat,” and “Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget”