Rise and Thrive Show
SETTING BOUNDARIES FOR HAPPINESS AND SANITY
When we feel stressed, overloaded, or scattered, it's usually because our boundaries are not in place. The lines between what we do and don't want in our lives. The lines between who we are and who we aren't. Mary and Erin explore the relationship between boundaries and our happiness and sanity. They help you define and maintain your boundaries including Mary's ingenious method for delivering the "glowing golden word NO." It leaves the person receiving your NO feeling as though they've been handed a great treasure.
Episode Highlights, Ideas and Wisdom
When we're in a good flow in our lives and feel like things are working well for us, it's usually because our boundaries are in place. We know what we're about and what we're not about.
Boundaries clearly speak to ourselves and those around us about what we will and will not have in our space. Things that belong there and things that don't. What we will and will not allow in our lives because it's important to our integrity and our sanity and our happiness.
Are you being selfish to draw a line, to set a boundary?
We often learn about boundaries as adults when there's been a boundary violation.
We usually find that we've lost our boundaries when we're mad at somebody. When we're resentful, stressed out, anxious or don't know who's supposed to do what when.
Once you start learning about boundaries you see them everywhere. You begin to realize just how important they are.
Wars are always about boundaries.
We know we have healthy boundaries when we feel relaxed within the shape of our present life situation. We feel clearheaded because we know what our responsibilities are and what they aren't. We have clear agreements with people so we have good communication with them. We feel calm and confident because we're not stretching outside our appropriate space and we're not cringing inside our space because someone else is pressing into it in a way that makes us uncomfortable.
When you're angry, resentful, or stressed for any length of time, it's because something needs to be adjusted. There needs to be some change around your time and energy and relationships. Perhaps the most beautiful word in the world for some of us. NO. The glowing golden word which is foreign to many women.
It's been said that when a man says no, it's the end of the conversation. When a woman says no, it's the beginning of a long negotiation.
Once you start growing in your awareness about boundaries and get stronger and more confident in your ability to set a boundary and say that Golden word, NO, there's a shift. People are not going to run over you.
Boundaries are a lifelong pursuit because they change. We have to see our life as kind of a work of art that is shifting from time to time. We're adding and subtracting things. We have to review how things are going. We might discover that there are things we'd like to do, but there's no room for them. Sometimes we need to subtract something in order to add something. Like dropping a friend that's too consumptive and uses you and their dramas take up too much of your time and energy.
When life's not going the way we want it to go, it's telling. It's giving us good information that if we can just listen to it and then work with it, we can actually get back on track. It doesn't have to be a crisis.
Viewing things that upset us or make us uncomfortable as boundaries issues changes everything.
Saying NO to someone is a gift because you're showing them that you trust them with your NO. You're showing them that you trust them to be interacting with the real you, not the pretend, stressed out, fakey you, but the real you. That's a gift.
We need to have boundaries around our consciousness and our over concern for other people's problems. Every now and then we have to say to ourselves, “ya know that is their problem.